Camren One Shots V. 2

letters to you

TRIGGER WARNING

It's been six months.

Six months without her being here.

Six months without her presence.

Six months without her smile, her touch that lit up every corner of my body.

Six months of grieving and feelings of utter loneliness.

Six months without her.

Of course I expected to be sad, to cry.

But I did not expect to be filled with an overwhelming amount of guilt and regret.

I did not expect that my eyes would always be accompanied with distinguishable bags of exhaustion and an entire ocean of tears.

I did not expect that it would hurt this much, to lose someone.

I thought it would be the same as when I watched a character die in a movie.

I thought it would be the same as when I lost a relative that I wasn't exactly close to, like a distant uncle or cousin.

I never expected it to feel like a thousand nails were being hammered into your heart.

I never expected it to feel like an entire flock of vultures, alongside a swarm of bees, pecking and nibbling on your skin, eating you alive.

I can't even begin to explain how it exactly feels, it's remarkably easier to describe physical pain instead of emotional pain. Especially the word regret.

I can't stand the fact that I couldn't even tell her that I loved her.

I was afraid that it would be too weird, or too awkward for me to tell her that.

It's not like she told me, but I think she loved me.

I think I showed her that I loved her, just like how she showed me she loved me.

Although we weren't together for that long, I think we loved each other.

I don't even know if we were considered "together".

We would hang out every once in a while.

Have make-out sessions that escalated too quickly.

I enjoyed all of those things.

Now that I think about it, it's all we ever did.

I can't really blame myself, though.

A touch from her made me lose control of my own body.

Her lips on my skin was more addicting than any drug.

Her head between my legs was like opening the gates of heaven but feeling the flames of hell.

My days with her are the best days of my life.

I feel like I'm wasting them since I'm writing this note.

Sorry, this is taking too long, I should wrap this up.

If anyone ever reads this, I just want to thank you for making it this far.

I hope you enjoyed this mini glance at my life.

I'm sorry that I had to go, but I can't stand being alone anymore.

I want to be with her.

I want to hug her, kiss her, touch her again.

I want to have a chance to tell her I love her, and this is the only way of doing it.

Don't follow in my footsteps, though.

I'm not setting a very good example.

Anyway, thanks again.

Hope you have a good day!

xx Camila.

Camila smiled at her note, and looked at the gravestone in front of her.

"I'm coming, Laur." Camila chuckled as she folded the piece of paper and put it in her pocket.

She stroked the marble lovingly and retrieved the pistol that laid on the ground.

"I love you."

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