- Third Person -
"Harry." The words escaped Louis' lips, as he saw him on the bathroom floor. He sunk down to his level, and saw Harry had a piece of paper next to him. As the tears trickled down Louis' cheeks, he read what the note had said,
Dear Boo,
I'd usually want to get straight to the point and just get this over with but there is so many things that don't make sense. That aren't adding up, or needed to be explained, and are better left unsaid. But there are so many things I wanted to tell you, to get out of the way before I go. When you're reading this you've probably already found me, but please, don't cry.
I'm sorry Lou.
I never want to leave you, nor do I think you want me to leave, but I can't take it Boo. I can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror anymore and be happy with the fact that I've been hiding the fact that I love you. You're probably rereading that last sentence to see if it was true, well it is. I love you Boo, I always have. I just can't take the pain anymore. I see you with her, and it tears me into pieces. I've loved you for so long; it's eating me away, but please Lou, don't blame yourself. Ever. This isn't your fault, nor will it ever be. I just can't leave without telling you I love you.
But this note isn't about to end, not until you know how much I love you. I can't say goodbye without you knowing it.
Do you want to know what I love the most about you? Your smile. That's probably what I'll miss the most because it lightens up my day everytime I see or make you smile. I won't be able to see you softly chuckle when someone compliments you, then lift your head up and flash a smile with a twinkle in your eye. I'm not sure I'll smile with you not around.
I also love your voice. It makes my heart melt, and I get this warm feeling inside of me, that just gets me to smile. You make me smile Lou, all the time. But your voice is perfection. Please, don't ever stop singing, promise me that. Don't ever stop.
Also promise me this. Promise me you'll take care of the boys. They'll need you, and you'll need them. I know it'll be hard to get on with the band, and be together, but take care of them and never stop singing.
I know you can do it Louis, you're strong. You always have been.
Tell the boys and my family I love them okay? And please take care of my mum and Gemma, I know it'll be hard on them, and I know they're like a second family to you. They're going to need some taking care of, so I know it won't be hard to see them, right? I hope so.
Another thing that I love about you Lou, is you know how to make someone's day. You know I go to you whenever my day is going like shit, and I wish you could still hold me and tell me it's okay, and make me smile, and we could cuddle. I'm gonna miss that. I'll miss the old days where we snuggled and would watch films together at night, throw popcorn at each other, and just talk. You know you're my best friend, right? Of course you do, why do you think I'm writing this to you.
I'm sorry if this switches gears a lot, my mind is spinning in circles, and I'm getting a pain in my head from trying to stay strong while writing this. I'm sorry if there is tear stains on it. I wish I could just run to you and spill everything to you, and you would hold me and tell me not to go on with this, to stay with you, but I can't. I can't put the weight on your shoulders like that, and make you feel guilty if you don't feel the same.
I 'm pretty sure by now I should tell you why I'm writing this, but Lou, just know it isn't your fault. It just hurts me so bad. It hurt when you came home one day and said to me you had a girlfriend, Eleanor. That moment to be exact, my heart sunk. Ripped to shreds, and that was the moment I knew I loved you, but I guess I should thank her. She made me realize how much I loved you, and that those feelings shouldn't just be shoved to the back of my mind, and that the pain was real. I mean, I guess I already knew that, but me thanking her isn't what I planned on doing. I mean, I liked her because of it, but dispised her greatly along.
Do you know what it feels like? Watching someone you love be with someone else? It felt like hell Louis, hell. Like I've been kicked in the stomach, or thrown around like a rag doll everytime she came round. It's not like she's a horrid human being, I'm glad you found someone to love, I just thought I might've been able to treat you better. You deseved better? Who knows, maybe it's just my jealousy getting the best of me.
What I'm trying to say is I love you more than she probably ever will. The way you look at her is like you're completely head over heels for her, but she's- not. She does love you, but not the way you loved her.
God, I sound like a conceited, self centered, arse, don't I? But I guess that's what I wanted, really. I am happy for you though, Lou. I am. Maybe one day, when I'm gone, you'll realize you love me, but I can't wait that long. I can't wait for you to realize that, with me already basically living with the shadows. I was being pushed around to much, and I can't take it Lou.
This isn't the only reason though, so please don't blame yourself. I've said this many times here, but please don't Louis. Boobear I've just not been that happy with myself. I honestly don't know why I made it so long besides you and the band.
The band- Please tell them how much I'll miss them, and that I love them.
Niall, please tell him to never stop laughing. you know how he can get when another is feeling down, he gets that way also, so never let him stop giving hugs either. He's the best at that, and I'll miss those. Way too much may I add. He's so happy, and carefree, please don't let him change. Tell him to keep being him, and making people laugh. He's Irish for a reason.
And Zayn, tell him to keep strong and take care of himself. Take away anything that can hurt him, as he can get reckless and emotional through it all. So take care of him, please? Okay? If he ever gets to upset threaten to take away his mirror, but if it calms him down, let him have his moment. The ones he has daily basically, but tell him I love him. All of them, they're my brothers.
Lastly for Liam, he seems to know what he's doing. He won't be going anywhere, i can tell you that. His head seems like it's on good, so I knows he'll hold up. I hope. I hope all of you will hold up, and I know he can get you guys through this if it becomes to much. His ability to stay stable is one thing I love about him.
Please tell them I'll miss them, Louis. Please. I love them all so, so, so, much.
Then there's you Lou. I've love you so much, don't forget that. Ever. I'll never leave you, I promise that. I promised that a while ago, and I want you to stay strong. I'll be right by you when you need me, so please hold on. Keep singing, keep smiling, keep being you, and I know you can make it. Don't give in Louis, please. You'll always be my boobear.
So I guess now is when I wrap this up since i already swallowed the bottle of pills, and my head is throbbing, and everything is getting dizzy. I'm scared Louis, but it's my time. My vision is getting blurry, and I'm barely able to write this.
I truly am sorry for this Louis, I really am.
I love you so much Boo. So dam much. Don't forget it, don't ever forget it. I'll see you later Boo
-Harry.
Louis dropped the note, and sobbed. "I'll always be your boobear Haz, always." He cried into Harry's chest, hoping to feel the rising fall action he does whenever he snuggled into him, but he didn't. Nothing was left for him. He felt hopeless.
Louis rose from his position, and went to dial the number. His head was spinning as he spoke into the phone.
"999, what's your emergency?"
"M-my.." The words escaped his lips. "He c-comitted. Please hurry." His voice was in a whisper, but you could tell the pain he was suffering any day. Then, once Louis said his address, he hung up. He may not of said anything other, but he couldn't. He turned back to Harry, and his thumb glided along his cheek, wiping the tears that formed. They were wet, it hasn't been long.
He prayed for another chance, but his heart knew there wasn't one. In that moment, where everything was laid out, Louis realized one thing.
He loved Harry too.
