SHE IS SHE

Chapter 1

I leaned my head over and inched my feet closer to the edge. 

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;

He leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul;

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake."

The words roll of my tongue effortlessly for the first time in a long time. I had not been to church since my mother's funeral however this is the first time I feel closer to God. This is the first time I feel God is finally there and he gets me. He knows its my time and I want to go. I breathe in the frosty air deeply, clear my mind of all the unanswered questions, relax my stomach from the countless knots of doubt and exhale. For a second a smile of freedom graces my lips because for once it's my choice. I step out , one foot suspended in the air the other planted on the edge.

"Jump bitch!" 

A slightly raspy voice breaks my airy silence. I swirl my head around like a bird and fight to keep my balance. I try to lean back but my body weight pushes me forward off the ledge. I grab the edge, feet dangling at the side of the building, holding on to dear life. 

  "Help!"

I scream in shock as I look at the concrete 12 floors under. A shadow emerges from the dark. It's a pretty girl who shields her beauty with a baseball cap and a hood. Her eyes medium, almond shape with an interesting story behind them. Her lips slightly tan, kissable and plump. Her nails beautifully manicured, and colorful wrapped around a cigarette she pushes into her mouth. 

"I've been standing here watching you for 10 minutes already and you're still here. Hurry up I want to put this on world star or sell it to TMZ and I can't if you don't jump."

" I need help, please". I scream in panic. 

"Do you want to live?", she says calmly exhaling into the cold night air. 

 " Yes, help me", I beg.

I quickly glance below, terror strikes me as she casually inhales her cigarette.

"Why do you want to die?".

"I don't know it was a mistake". The words strain through my teeth.

"Suicide is a choice".

"Why do you want to die?" her voice sounds deeper, darker. 

My fingers hold on for dear life, my body hangs helplessly, my legs wail around for something to grip.

"No one will miss me". I say.

She stairs onto the street unfazed by my desperate pleas. She turns on her heels. Her footsteps echo to the door.

"Wait please , don't leave me. Please I'll do anything. Please!"

The sound of heels grow louder. I could now see her dark shadow over me again. She leans over.

I feel a burning, fiery, pressure, push into my knuckles. A loud wail erupts from the pits of my stomach, out my mouth into the cold night sky.

"Ahhh, What are you doing?"

"Outing my blunt", she says, nonchalantly.

My hand shakes like a leaf gripping onto a branch in a windy autumn day.

My mind begins to race. This bitch is fucking crazy. Is she going to kill me? 

She takes her lighter out of her pocket and strikes  it. A small orange flame highlights the twisted gratification in her eyes. She puts the flame to my hand. Pain bolts through my hand down to my toes. My hand wishing to let go but can't. This is torture!

"Why do you want to die"? Her eyes grows cold, her voice callous. She holds the fire from the lighter steady, burning into my hand. The smell of my flesh releases in the air. Tears flood down my cheek, boogers run down my nose. 

"I'm black, I'm ugly.  My mom calls me Roach. I'm a slave to my sister and my father acts like he doesn't see shit. My ex fucks on me with every bitch because I'm black!I get turned down at every modelling gig. I have no friends, I hate my body. I hate my skin.  There's no place for me!"

My hand feels like a marshmellow roasting over the open fire. Blood dribbles down my wrist. I can't take it anymore, I pull my right hand off the ledge. My whole life depends on my left hand. My fingers lose their grip, barely holding the edge. My weight pulls me like a magnet towards the dark, cold concrete, 12 floors down.

She pierces into my eye.

My fingers tips alone grip the ledge. A knot explodes in my stomach. My fingers are red, burning, blistered.  The muscles spazz, stiffen and at last release.

I screech as I feel the wind bursting around me. I panic, heart beating rapidly waiting for my head to explode like a watermelon on the concrete.

I feel a firm hand on my wrist. I look up in panic and she leans in glaring me in my eyes.

"Start living for yourself!"

She pulls and tuggs me like a sack of potatoes over the edge , my heart pounds as I kneel on the cold ground of the rooftop floor. She stands still unfazed dazing off into her twisted mind. She turns calmy on her heels and sways cooley to the exit.

"What's your name?" I ask in between small gasps.

"Nefertiti" she responds, without looking back.