Stall Me [Ryden] [BOOK TWO]

nine

"Honestly, I still can't believe you got jealous." The more Ryan pestered me about getting jealous, the further down I slid in the passengers seat of his trashy car, my cheeks burning in yet again, more embarrassment. He'd been bothering me about it all night, from the moment Jon left the table, all the way to now.

I kept my arms crossed over my chest, refusing to meet his gaze. I did my best to hold my head high, but I was still embarrassed about it. I just couldn't come to the conclusion with myself that I was truly jealous of Jon showing up again. I was still in love with Sarah, I was sure about it. Well, not so sure now, but I could convince myself that I was, right?

Still, I questioned it.

"Would you shut up about it already?" I snapped. Again, Ryan turned to look over at me with an expression of pure amusement. He didn't say anything else, though. Instead, the rest of the ride was quiet, other than Ryan humming the lyrics to the 90s rock station under his breath, and occasionally snapping his fingers. How in the hell was he always so happy?! Then again, his fiancé hadn't just left him.

Speaking of which..

As we pulled into the driveway of Ryan's place, I found myself still slumped down in the seat, though my eyes were fixed on his lips. He had one hand up to his face, where he was constantly tugging at his lip. God, I hated when he did that in high school; he was such a fucking tease. Clearly, nothing had changed. I wouldn't fall for it this time, I'd convinced myself.

He glanced into the rear-view mirror, checking for any damage he may have done to a nearby mailbox or so, before letting his hands loosen on the steering wheel, and the car power down. I continued to eye him, until he took notice, and swung his eyes over to fall upon my own. I pursed my lips, letting my eyes meet his. He held my gaze for a full few moment, before I finally released his gaze.

I surprised myself, and my brain, by following my gut. This consisted of unbuckling my sweat belt in sync with Ryan, and once we were free of our safety restraints, I surged at him, my hands easily finding his face. I had one hand around his neck, tugging him into my arms, and one hand holding rather stiffly onto his cheek. I refused to let him speak, instead, I forced our lips together in a rough kiss; a kiss I'd been holding in for far too long, honestly.

This heated moment lasted no longer than thirty seconds of soft gasping, and smacking every time we kissed, before he finally hummed, his eyebrows knitting together. I had him pinned up against the side of the car, against the car door, and it was quite uncomfortable. His callused hands found my chest, where he gently pushed at me, so I obeyed. I pulled only a few inches away, but kept our faces close enough together, so our breath could mingle as he spoke.

"Brendon, you can't..- you can't do this." Ryan muttered softly. His lips were slightly plumper than before, which I was at fault for, after the rougher kisses I'd been delivering. I pulled further away, though one arm was still around his neck. "What?" I asked, confusion coursing me. I'd been yearning to do this since I'd laid eyes on him, since he'd entered the tour bus, and now he was turning me down? I blamed Jon. I swear, he liked Jon.

"You can't do this," Ryan repeated, gently pushing me further, until I was sat back in my own seat. The taste of his lips still lingered on my own, I was still hungry for more, but I was one to respect his wishes; especially if I wanted to keep him as my peer. "You just broke up with your fiancé, of how many years? Six? Five? You're only doing this for closure." 

His words stung, as if he himself had personally slapped me. It hurt because it was true. Partly. I wanted to be able to claim I'd fucked Ryan, only so I could go back and rub it in Sarah's face. Now that I was past grieving over her, I simply wanted her to feel the same burn in her heart that she'd felt when she threw the ring at me. However, Ryan clearly didn't agree. Instead of replying, I shrugged it off, shaking my head to show my disapproval.

Then, I threw the car door open with a quick motion, slipped out of the car, and returned to the front door, where I entered Ryan's house without waiting for him. No more words were exchanged that night; my final destination for the night was my bedroom, where I hid under the blankets, curled up with Bogart on my chest. I wasn't even sure Ryan had come home yet- though I tried not to think about it.

Ryan's words were true, sure, but only partly. Where there was the side of me that wanted to hurt Sarah, there was the side of me that wanted nothing more than to prove to Ryan I was a better person now; that I was willing to love him without complications. Yet the same question fogged my brain.

"Bogart," I whispered softly, pushing the blanket off my head. The jack russell raised his head, his ears perked to the side. "Do I still have feelings for Ryan?" I asked softly. If only dogs were wise enough to solve all my life problems. Instead of replying, Bogart simply sniffed at my hand, which was near his face, and rest his chin back down. I smiled softly and scratched the pup's ear.

"Good boy, Bogart." I whispered. 

// 

sixteen days until the concert i'm suffering

- saturn