Please Stop

part 1: i will be your salvation

Today was going to be bad. I knew it. So did poor Rosie. Today, such a horriable day. Me and Rosie always honder over this date. Today is the anniversary of Mary's death. Two years ago today she took her life infront of a bastard bullet for me. I still regret everything. Why did she jump? Why? I can still picture it now, the last drop of dark red blood seeping out of her breast wound by her heart, Mary quietly slowly saying her last words to John, John clutching his lady scrutinized  and growling in pain. Im sorry John.
I lie fozen like a stone statue in my comfortable warm safe bed. Suddunly i hear the adoring quite crying for me rasping from Rosie's room. I clamber quitly out of bed and stumble across to Rosie's room. She is just so affectionate and beautiful, her silky hands reaching out for me. I walk over to her cot and wrap my steady arms around her stradling her on the warmth of my chest. She hugs me straight away and mumbles into my chest. I knew she was just wanting company. I pick up her tiny soft cotton blanket  and wrap it round her as i walk into the kitchen. I open the  door and take out the fresh cold morning milk and take her bottle from her trying to sooth her. I pour the cold creamy liqud into her bottle then place it in the microwave to let warth surround it. Rosie is mewling on my now wet thumb snuggling into my chest,whimpearing.  God she is so pretty, just like her amazing mother. Mary would be so proud of Rosie and John supporting eachother for 2 years now. Through ruff, love, pain, devastation, sollemness and joy they loved eachother truely.

The bottle pings and i grab it  testing it against my skin. I shake it disoving the skin from the surface. Rosie looks up and smiles at me grabbing the bottle from me. Cheeky human specimen. I carry her off ,in my arms, to her room. She suckles hard at the teet of the bottle just like a kitten ravonous for it's mothers milk. As i go to lay her down her grip against my gown got strong, she was'nt going to let go of me. Why does she like me so much, i basicly killed her mum? I swing her back up in me and parade her to mine and John's joint room.

She wetted my chest with tears as i placed her on the floor as i set up my bed for her and me to set back in our sleep. Two pillows as boreders, her tiny blanket as a soft warm bottom sheet and my blanket as an extra layer of warmth. I pick up and cradle her back to sleep before laying her to lie into her sweet, silent slumber. So sweet. John should feel like a king being a father to her she is such a sweetheart. She sniffs on the caught air built up from sucking on the bottle the clentches her fist around my thumb then snores softly to a deep sleep, just like how her dad sleeps. Just looking at her makes wanna fall asleep too. I keep my arms tight around her and rub my chin against her headcin comfort. I look into her deep eyes one more time then set myself, also, to sleep. I wonder what John will think when he awakes to see me comferting his sleeping child? Jealousy, love, happy, sad,angry? I dont know.