The girl opened her eyes, her first instinct was to look at her alarm clock, 7:00am, she sight, she could get ready a little faster, she pushed snooze and went back to sleep.
7:09am, the alarm went again, the girl woke up again and pressed snooze one more time, this time she did go back to sleep but just blankly stared at the ceiling, first day back to school after summer break, she would see her her classmates again after the break.
Why can't I just stay home? The girl questioned, she honestly did not want to go.
The girl didn't want to but she could not help making all the scenario's that could happen, not like they would, but could. She had no control over her mind, it thought whatever it wanted to think, and this was mostly the way her days started and ended.
''Honey! Wake up! You're going to be late for school!'' she heard her mother stood by the stairs, the girl groaned and yelled back: ''I'm awake!'' she got out of bed and changed, grabbed her bag and went downstairs to get some breakfast, but she wasn't hungry at all, she was full of the nerves.
She put her bag against the wall and sat on the table where her mother was busy getting breakfast ready.
The girl took a glass and got herself some orange juice while her mother made her lunch, she never did that, unless her daughter was late.
'Eat something.'' her mother commended, the girl sighed, but took a slice of bread and ate it, it wasn't much and she knew she annoyed her mother with it, but she honestly couldn't eat. She looked at the clock on the wall, she had five more minutes to brush her hair, brush her teeth, she would be able to do that.
''What's wrong?'' her mother asked, the girl lifted her shoulders ''Nothing.'' she answered, she didn't feel like talking at the moment, she just had to survive the day at school.
''I can see there is something wrong, you know that?'' her mother asked and the girl nodded, but didn't say anything.
''Are you nervous?'' the girl nodded, she bit her lip trying to keep tears from rolling down her cheeks, whenever she felt anything she had trouble to not cry.
''That's okay honey, it's understandable, it's the first day after summer break again, you haven't seen your classmates for a while, but I'm sure you'll be alright.''
No, I won't be okay. the girl wanted to tell her mother that she just didn't understood, but she kept silent and tried to put a little smile on her lips.
her mother sighed and took the lunch she made for her daughter and put it in the bag, then she gave it to the girl and told her to go or she would be late.
As soon as the girl put a foot outdoors she felt better, sometimes all she needed was some fresh air to feel better, but then all the feelings would disappear and she would walk numbly to school. She hadn't decided yet if feeling nothing, numb, was better then feeling everything at once, when she felt everything she wished she felt numb, when she was numb like now she wished she felt anything, but she knew there was some hope for her, hidden in her bag, something she didn't want anyone to know about, it was small and sharp, most people wouldn't understand why she had it, or what the power of it was to her, but she felt sorry for everyone who did understand, except for herself, she could never feel sorry for herself, she thought she deserved everything that was happening in her life.
The girl knew it wasn't good for her back, but she just had to walk with her head bowed down, the smaller she made herself the saver she felt, like people wouldn't notice her that fast, if only she was a little shorter, it would be so much easier, not like she was really tall, her life just would get a tiny little bit easier.
But life never made it easy for her, life was all against her, and she just had to deal with it until she couldn't anymore, but she thought of giving up every day, but she kept holding on, somehow she always found a tiny piece of hope in her heart. But she also knew the hope was fading, she didn't know how long it still would be there, but as long as it was there, she held on to it.
