If Only // Sidemen FF

Chapter 1

Dear Diary;
Today's the day. Today's the day i finally end it. End all the pain and suffering i'm dealing with. End all of the voices telling me lies. And i can't wait. But i need to see these amazing people first. They're called the sidemen. They are the most caring people in the world. Thats why i need to say goodbye to them.

I closed my notebook and stared out the window. What did i do to deserve this pain? This suffering? I'm just so tired of living. I hear a knock on the door. Great, i bet thats charlotte. She's the one taking me to the Sidemen book tour anyways.

"Chloe we're going now are you ready?" Charlotte said opening the door.

"Yeah be with you in a minute i'm just checking i have everything." I said, looking in my bag.

I looked and i see everything in there i need. Perfect. Everything is going to be perfect.

//Time Skip//

We arrive at Old Trafford where the Book Tour is taking place. For a suicidal and depressed girl like me I'm surprised to say i'm actually pretty excited. Charlotte and i hopped out of the car and headed towards the venue. Because we bought VIP tickets we get to hang out with the boys when its finished and also get to see them first. As we wait in line i can see everyone staring at me, maybe because they find me hideous. I won't blame them for thinking that so i go on my phone and scroll through twitter.

I look up from my phone from hearing screams. The Sidemen. There they are in all their glory. Harry, JJ, Simon, Tobi, Vik, Ethan and Josh. The seven guys that made me happy for awhile.

//Time Skip//

We are the second in line and i'm getting quite nervous. What if i fuck up? What if i forget to tell them? All these thoughts in my head swirling around. Charlotte goes first, sitting next to Tobi and Simon. They chat for abit then take a photo. As she leaves, a woman guides me to them. To be honest, i'm scared. I don't want them to remember me as the suicidal girl. But i need to. I sit next to Tobi and JJ while Josh is talking to me.

"How are you? Whats your name?" Josh says.

"Y-yeah i'm fine, just nervous, you guys were my heroes and Chloe" i say as i pull the sleeves of my red SDMN hoodie. We take the picture and before i leave i hug Tobi. He's my favourite. This is my chance.

"Tobi, thank you for all you have done for me, but i need to go. I don't belong on this earth anymore. I hope you can forgive me. I guess you can say i wasn't cut out for living, god made a mistake." I whisper pulling away from him, tears streaming down my face.

All of the other guys just stare at me, concerned. They shouldn't  be, i have to go. It's my choice.

"Goodbye." I say walking away from them, leaving Tobi stood there. Frozen in place.

I walk to my friend and hugged her as we are going our separate ways.

"WAIT! CHLOE" shouted Tobi. "PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!"

I turned to him and shook my head. I need to do this.

I start walking down towards the exit, everyone staring at me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes as i hear screaming. I turned around and i see Tobi stood behind me.

"Chloe. You don't have to do this. Please listen to me. I know we only just met but i care about you. You have so much to live for. Look i'll help you. Help you find yourself again. Help you find your purpose on this earth. What ever it takes i will help you." He said, holding out his hand for me to take, everyones eyes on us.

I just broke. I broke down in the middle of the room. I fell to the ground, sobbing my little pathetic heart out. I feel arms wrapped around me. Tobi's arms. In that moment. I felt loved. I felt like i belonged.

If only i saw them sooner. If only i saw Tobi sooner.