Drafts

A chemist's speech

*Takes the stage* The name's Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
So you get the idea, right? I got a few chemistry jokes up my sleeve; and right now, I have just one fear - that I'm not likely to get a good reaction. Getting on...
The other day, on my AP chemistry exam, I saw this reaction between Oxygen and Magnesium; I was all like... OMg.
Don't even ask about the organic section - I know you all expect me to scream and sing, "Don't panic, it's organic!" But the truth is, it was alkynes of trouble. (Of course, on AP chemistry, you're not likely to get alkynes. You'll be getting 3-keto-2-carboxyarabinitol, with your only consolation being that it's alcohol.)
Anyway, I've bored you enough - maybe even disturbed your mental equilibrium to an extent beyond the comprehension of the likes of Le Chatelier - here's the real deal. Let me tell you what makes you successful as a scientist.
Sometimes - as I'm sure countless books and teachers and whatnots have reiterated a gazillion times over - it really cometh down to thy skill and thy expertise.
But here's the good thing - much more often, it's just sheer dumb luck. Personally, I'm convinced - and don't any of you dare challenge me - that the periodic table wasn't this big scientifical thingy you're made to believe; Someone just speed-ran through a game of Tetris.
In yet another category of exceptional cases - it's your half-dead-half-alive-at-the-same-time cat, or one with three tails. (You know that right? No cat has two tails, and every cat has one more tail than no cat does. Ergo, every cat has three tails. Believe it or not, it's simple, infallible, mathematical logic.)
Anyhow, enough with this idiot of a chemist - proof that some men are inferior, endowed by their Maker with dim wits impermeable to reason - telling you stuff about... Well, stuff. (I mean I can see from here the entropy increasing as you're thinking to yourselves that besides electrons, protons and neutrons, the world is made of morons.)
So, without further ado, I end this speech with a hundred pi words.