Once upon a time, I was a phoenix.
I was powerful and beautiful and bright and burning and I demanded the attention of everyone.
I came in on the roll of thunder and lightning that Zeus himself commanded. Zeus, the king of gods. Zeus, the ruler of the skies.
I was a phoenix. I rose from nothing but my own ashes. I made myself burn with the power of 10,000 suns. But I am made of fire. Wild and uncontrollable fire. Get-too-close-and-you're-gonna-get-burned fire. Beautiful and passionate fire. I am the golden flames that lick and scorch any surface it can reach.
But, you know, you're oxygen...
I need you to keep me alive. And I'm suffocating. My light is growing dim. You're leaving and I can't really handle that. I am a powerful, majestic bird made out of goddamn fire, and you. Oxygen. Something I cannot see, or touch, or generally interact with, is dominating my existence. And I cannot handle that.
My soul is fading because you've been gone for too long, and several times I've been asked why it is that I need you. I guess I get why they don't understand, because, honestly, I dont even understand.
Nobody understands why the light in your heart makes my wings feel less heavy. Or why the way you can /feel/ the thoughts forming in my head make me feel like I'm not alone anymore. Nobody understands why you keep my fire ablaze because no one was ever meant to. This was something our hearts decided before our brains could even comprehend what was going on.
I was a phoenix.
A fire bird needs oxygen to survive.
And let me tell you something: needing someone isn't romantic. It isn't beautiful. I'm not sure how or why people depict it to be.
It's painful.
Like, the thought of not being able to light the sky on my own, or to be able to glow my own damn self is /actually/ painful. So, honestly, you leaving scares me so bad.
Because, not only am I losing you, someone I find heart-stoppingly incredible, but you're taking me away too.
I started this poem with "I'm a phoenix, fuck yeah" and now it's at "my fire is dying without you, ahhhh" so I'm just going to remind myself that I'm a godDAMN PHOENIX.
And you might leave. And I'm genuinely terrified of that happening because my wings will falter and I will crash. My mind and body will not work anymore. My light will dim and eventually go out.
I will die.
But, in destruction, new life will be created.
Where there was fire, ashes remain.
Born from those ashes...
Is a phoenix.
