The jump

The water was dark and it went on forever. I can see the current rushing below my feet. As my toes wobbled on the concrete railing on the edge of the bridge. My fingers turn white as I grip the railing in terror.

I've been here many times before to admire the beautiful view with my family, But today I feel alone and not myself. I watch my salty tears drop into the water below, they seem to take forever to drop into the deep dark water below me. The jagged rocks on the edge of cliffs point like shards of glass and add to my fear.

I feel like I've been standing here for hours. My stomach is knotted and sick as my thoughts drift to the time when I first met the beautiful Sarah Jones back when I was fourteen and the new kid in school. I remember walking past her and smiling at her and she smiling back and my heart filling with joy and warmth. For months my friends would tease me, "don't be a wuss they'd say, just ask her out they'd tease" and I always thought to myself "they're right, I'm just a pathetic wuss".

I edge myself closer the the edge of the bridge, I feel the cold air hit me like tiny pins, and still I can't let go, my mind is filled with thoughts of my pathetic life, Then I feel myself sink into deep thought again. I remember a time back when I was fifteen and my 'friends' and I were out on our first big hangout, we all decided that we would go BMXing together, well they thought of it, I was to chicken and said I wasn't sure, but they told me to stop being a wuss and so I came along with them. I remember when we came to a giant jump and sitting on our bikes looking up it, I remember the feeling it gave me, the feeling of terror. "Come on Levi don't be a chicken, just do the jump already" I remember them saying, I remember feeling sick and the warm salty tears pouring out of my eyes, and riding my bike back home, the sound of them laughing at me haunting me, I felt disgusted and ashamed, I couldn't help feeling like my parents were to, how could they not be, with my dad being such a sporting hero and I know he would've wanted me to have some trophies like him to, but I'm just a weakling who can't do anything.

I snap back to the feeling of the cold wind hitting my face and burning my chapped lips, I feel myself go light headed. I look up at the sky and slowly breath in and out as I wipe the warm tears from my face. I hear voices in my head saying "you're a wuss", "Don't be such a chicken, "man up" over and over again. I feel ashamed of myself and slightly mad, which reminds me of another horrid memory, when I turned seventeen and the day my heart was torn apart by the most beautiful girl in the school, Sarah. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember my friends saying "Just do it Levi, ask her out", " Don't be a wuss, Levi". I remember my best friend say " It's ok, he's just chicken, that's all" I remember the pain in my heart I felt when he said. I remember walking over to Sarah and tapping her on the shoulder, she turned and around and look me up and down and then me taking a breath and then saying.... " Sarah, will you be my girlfriend?". I remember the look on her, her friends and my mates faces, but I remember her answer clearer..."No Levi, I will never date" she said with a big smirk on her face, her friends and my friends laughing in the background, I remember locking myself in the toilet and sobbing to myself, with my heart in a million pieces.

I feel like my heart will never be fixed, I feel like I will never be fixed, I wonder to myself staring into the water below, " Why am I here", "Why am I like this". I feel myself start shaking, I feel my sweaty hands start to lose grip of the rail, and my heart beat so fast that it feels like it about to beat out of my chest. I look down below me, the water was dark and it went forever. "Should I do this", "Do I really want to do this, "Why am I doing this", I think over and over and over again.

I know this is the one way to prove I am not a wuss. I'm sick of feeling scared. I hear a my brothers voice in my head call out to me. "Oh come a Levi, stop being a wuss and jump already". I need to stop being a wuss and end this torture. My fingers come away and with one step I am floating. I feel a scream run through my body and my heart pounding, but I can feel nothing but the rushing air, The water and the rocks below are rushing to wards my head, Then suddenly the band around my ankle snaps and I am jolted back into the sky. From above I here my brother scream out "Woo bungee, you rock big bro". I Giggle to myself and feel a big smile on my face and hear my family cheering. I did it, I finally conquered my fears, I'm not a wuss.! From this day on I know i will be a changed person ready for any adventure life throws my way. I'm not a chicken and today is the best day of my life, I finally feel like proud of myself.