Love in Death

Just a Regular Day

          My breathing is heavy as I come to, and I sit up as quickly as I can. "Ah." I groan, feeling a slight pain in my side from the movement. Little one wasn't happy with that, and was determined to tell me so. "Sorry sweetheart." I sigh, rubbing my swollen stomach gently, "Mama loves you."

Taking a deep breath, I move my legs to dangle over the edge of the hard bed. Rubbing my back I shake my head with a scowl. I'm pregnant for goodness sake, couldn't they at least give me a better bed? The one I have is almost rock hard and it doesn't help my already aching back any, nor does the thin slip of a pillow.

My face feels wet and I reach up, touching my cheeks and I realize I'd been crying, tears and everything. I don't both trying to refrain from sighing, and quickly use my hands to wipe at the liquid dripping down under my eyes.

I sit in the darkness, barely much of the dim hallway light coming in from in between the large bars on the door, just feeling my stomach as my breathing and heart-rate slowly become less erratic.

The door swings open and the soft dirty light leaks into the room, covering me where I sit on the bed. "Samantha, honey time to go to the common room." One of the few kind nurse nuns here is standing in the doorway, smiling softly at me.

"Thank you, Magda." I return her smile, grateful to be out of the dark for a while. With effort, I manage to push myself off the side of the bed and onto my feet.

Magda, who is watching me stagger on my feet, looks at me concerned. "Would you like me to grab you a wheelchair hun?"

"No." I wave her off, "I'll be fine. Besides, I want to keep walking and be up on my feet as long as I can. I like the freedom. Also, I would hate to be on bedrest." She nods, accepting my decision. "I fear the second Sister Jude learns that I ask for it, that I'll be immediately confined to my bed."

"I understand Samantha." She closes the door, locking it with her key. "However, I do insist upon holding onto you. It's the most I can do without getting you a chair." She gives me a pointed look as I waddle.

Sheepishly I smile at her, "That would actually be lovely. Thank you, Magda."

Together we make our way down the grungy hallway and I grimace, hating that my poor darling baby would have to be born here. Here, in this filth. Silently I say a prayer that my sweet child wouldn't have to grow up here, that I would get out somehow and we would be happy. I know this is unlikely, but this dream, oh this dream, of a happy life outside of Briarcliff Manor with my baby is the only thing that keeps me from going truly insane I think.

We get to the wood doors of the common room and find myself stopping her from opening them. "Wait."

"What's wrong Samantha? Is it the baby?" She reaches out, puts a comforting hand on my arm, and checks my stomach with the other.

"Yes. No. yes." I shake my head, "Please Magda, promise me that if I can't raise my baby out in the world outside this, this pit, that you'll take care of my child. If you can't take care of him or her yourself, find a family you trust. A good home. Please Magda, I trust you, you're the only person on this planet I trust. Please." I feel tears start to form in my eyes again as I all but begin to beg her to do this for me.

"Samantha," She stares at me, openmouthed. "You can't be serious." She blinks at me as she realizes I am indeed serious, dead serious. She sighs, "I'll do what I can." She tells me, gently guiding me forward as she opens the doors. Her eyes tell me a different story, they look sad, like I've asked her to do the impossible. I suppose in a way, I have. I don't know if the nurses, who happen to be nuns, would be allowed to have or take a baby and adopt it.

She helps me over to a small table, and I see little Pepper is already sitting in one of the chairs. She lets out a happy noise and immediately jumps to her feet and tries to be helpful, pulling the chair and my arms a little rougher then she meant I'm sure. "Thank you, Pepper." I smile at her, she has such a child-like persona. All you need to do with her is be gentle, yet still firm if necessary. "Thank you, Magda."

"I'll be back to take you to your room later." She squeezes my shoulder before going on her way, continuing her rounds.

The nightmare still fresh in my mind I try to distract myself once more, and I turn to Pepper. "What game would you like to play today Pep?" I smile, resting my hands on my stomach.

Pepper claps her hands excitedly and rushes to get a game. At least I can count on her to be exactly what I need right now, someone to care for and do activities with.