It's Not you

Prologue

Hey, how are you?
Are you happy?
Did you found happiness,
With her?

If you're going to ask me if I'm fine, don't.
Tell me, after leaving me, do you think I would be fine?
If you're going to ask me if I'm happy, please don't.
Tell me, do you think I can be happy anymore?

Tell me, was it easy?
Leaving me hanging
Crying and hurting?
Tell me.

Tell me, is she better than me?
Oh I forgot.
I'm just a girl that is good for nothing.
A girl once thought that she can become someone's everything.

Tell me, is it ridiculous for me
To assume, that somehow,
I was your everything?
Tell me.

Oh, look at those smiles.
Look at those eyes
Reflecting sincerity and love
Not for me but for her.

She's so beautiful in that white gown, isn't she?
You're so handsome in that tuxedo also.
And me, walking on the aisle before her.
Staring at you.

To you, I once had.
To you, I always love.
To you, who was my world.
To you, who was my everything.

And the man carrying the power vested in him by the Lord,
Announced you as husband and wife.
And the icing of the ceremony, the 'kissing part',
Oh just kill me already.

Tell me, am I a masochist?
Attending your wedding,
Smiling and laughing with the guests.
Who would thought that I'll be the Maid Of Honor?

Tell me, do I have the rights to be angry?
Of course I have.
After planning a brighter future with me, you'll just leave me?
That planning, is it really for me?

Tell me, where did you left my heart?
I need it to complete my art.
And that art is nonsense when we're apart.

Please tell me how.

After all this time, i'm still here, trying to get you off my mind.

I know very well how i need to let go and accept things the way they are now

But i still cant help but think of the what if's and could have's.

The way you left me, the way you act everyday, your reasons, i must hate you so much by now.

But how come even if i keep on telling myself to unlove you and forget about everything that has happened, it's still you whom i want to run into at the end of the day, whom i want to tell how my day went, how badly i did in school, how bad i feel about the things happening in my life.

I hate how you told me to find someone better than you, i still see no one but you, cause you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You used to be the reason behind my smiles, my laughter, the butterflies in my stomach.

But now you always bring me to tears, even when you do nothing to me.

Every time i see you, how happy you are with someone else, you become a reminder of how the universe is telling me that i am not good enough; that i will never be good enough even for myself.

It is just so sad to have to bear with this kind of loneliness alone and have no one to hear me out.

So sad to stare at my hand, just remembering how it felt like to be holding yours.

It is just sad that i am left with no choice but to have to get used to this kind of feeling long until i find myself, until i learn to love myself truly before i give my all to another, until i learn now how to spare myself.

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