Balance Beam

I remember the feeling of the blood rushing to my head, the burn in my arms from supporting my weight. I was competing for the national gymnastics title. Already I could hear the roar of the crowd around me, they had loved my routine. But I couldn't stop now, for I had thirty seconds left to do something entirely amazing to get the judges attention. So I did a double back handspring with a tuck flip and landed on the ground in a split position. The crowd roared, and the judges looked stunned. It was when they finally called out who the winner would be that it happened. I had won, and in doing so I had lost the ability to compete ever again. There was only one person who could ever have a chance of beating me, her name was Cassandra Blair. She had been going after me since I won the fifth grade race around the school. After that, it's been as if she HAD to beat me, yet I didn't want her to. Yet again, I had beat Cassandra. But that wasn't how I saw it, because all I wanted was to make my brother proud. After our parents left, and he took legal guardianship of me, everything has gone wrong. Then again, he's the best brother/father anyone could have. I remember the moment it happened, the moment that Cassandra finally got what she wanted. She wanted me gone. Clear as day, the memory lingers in my brain. The velvet red steps, I could see the top one smiling at me from above Cassandra. Then suddenly, a force of ten years of petty jealousy hit me, pushing me over the edge of the second step and towards the ground. I wasn't focused on the yells of the crowd, no I was focused on my brothers face. How his warm face went from being dressed in pride and happiness, to becoming nude with horror and shock. I suppose, that if Cassandra had pushed me a moment later, I wouldn't be where I am today. If she had waited, my head wouldn't have hit the metal balance beam on the way down. Just a minute longer, and I would have responded to the EMT's when they talked to me. What is it called when you speak, yet no one hears you? For certain I know I am not dead, because I hear my friends and others come and talk to me day after day. The question is, how do I find a way of this balance beam? It's scary being here, in my position. Standing on my hands, unable to change positions. All I can see is the beam, and blackness. And I'm tired, tired of the blood constantly rushing to my head. Tired of the burning weakness spreading through my arms. There is no reprieve for me. I will receive no amnesty for the crimes I committed, but what were the crimes? Suddenly the balance beam tips, and I feel myself pitch sideways. Fear of the unknown unwillingly kreeps into my mind again, what will happen next? Now I wish only to hold on to the beam for as long as I could. I had a choice, I could let go and see what happens, or I could hang on as tight as possible. So I let go. The air around me shifted, and the voices faded.

Does heaven have heart monitors?