An Undecided Fate

Chapter 28

By the next morning, Captain Joseph passed away in the arms of his daughter and son-in-law. 

Everyone, both the soldiers and nurses felt as dull as the dark grey clouds in the sky. There just too many things to take in suddenly. One, that Captain Joseph had a daughter with him all this time, two, that daughter was Caroline, and three, that Jack was her husband, making him Joseph's son-in-law. 

Throughout the night the nurses shed much tears and even the soldiers did as well. 

Alexander, though, didn't drop a tear. After Captain Joseph's burial, he walked over to the top of a hill and just sat there staring into a distance - for several hours now. 

The army nurses were occupied with several soldiers whom got terribly injured. Meanwhile Cassandra decided to walk out of the tent to see how her husband was doing. 

Her eyes searched everywhere once she got to the soldiers' camp but in vain. As she threw her head back in frustration she finally spotted Alexander on top of a hill. It took her about fifteen minutes to climb up there. 

She slowly approached him from behind and softly placed a hand on his shoulder. 

He slightly flinched at the sudden feeling and glanced behind him. 

"How did you get here?" he asked in a monotone voice to the point it didn't even sound like he was asking a question. 

"Well," Cassandra began as she sat herself next to him, "it wasn't easy."

"You shouldn't have come," he said sternly, "I desire to be alone."

"I know that, but it's not good for you," she replied with concern, "You are undergoing a post-traumatic shock."

"Aren't we all?"

"You are, the most, and it doesn't make it any better if you are out here by yourself," after a few moments of silence she asked, "Why isn't Captain Joseph's death affecting the others as much as it is for you?"

"Captain Joseph...he was...he was like my second father," he replied as if he was trying to hold in a waterfall of tears, "There was once a period of time where my father was ill, almost a year, in fact. I wasn't being so kind to my mother, Henry, and Jenny since I was frustrated at all times then. I was just so angry that they were acting so normal, as if nothing happened! This anger was what made me join the army for the first time. I took that opportunity to be away from home. I didn't have to see my father in his ill state. I told all of this to Captain Joseph when I first joined his troops. He then told me that the reason why my family was acting so normal was because they believed."

"Believed in what?" Cassandra asked with curiosity. 

"That God was watching my father from above."

"And you didn't believe in that?"

"Well, if He was watching my father, then why did it take so long for him to recover?"

"It was because He was watching your father that he was even able to recover eventually. Believing comes with patience, Alexander."

"Actually, Captain Joseph told me that as well. He even made an interesting theory that God visited my father everyday, and His touch was what made him get slowly better day by day," Alexander gave the smallest smile, "and it was since then that I starting increasing my faith in God. It was what helped me live each day whenever I was in battles."

A few moments later he continued, "I was never able to thank him enough, Captain Joseph, for helping me to think this way. My life became so much easier to live. Now, I'll never be able to thank him enough. He's gone. Gone f-for g-good."

It suddenly became evident to Cassandra that Alexander had been holding in tears that he really wished he could let out. Normally, when people don't cry, it's because their body isn't willing to let out tears. 

Yet Alexander's body wanted to let out tears, while he didn't.

She stretched her arm across him and held him by the shoulders, "Alexander, you are holding in too much pain. You have to let it out, there's no other way. Or else it'll take you over."

"Let it take over then," he said looking away. 

"No!" she shook him by the shoulders, "I'm not leaving this hill until you let out all your pain. Don't be afraid to cry and accept your feelings, Alexander! You don't have to worry about shedding tears when I'm with you, just let it out Alexander!" she pleaded him as she was partially angry at him for being so reluctant to cry. 

"Just let it out Alexander, it will only make you feel better in the end. I promise, " she squeezed his arms. 

A few moments later, she witnessed something she wished she hadn't - Alexander crying. 

The sight made her feel terribly sad, to the point she wished she hadn't spoken to him in the first place. He just looked so...broken. 

Without hesitating, she took him in her arms and laid his head on her shoulder. She began to cry along as she felt his tears on her skin. 

He's so soft on the inside. 

***

George, Fernando, and Henry were still shocked at the fact that Jack was Captain Joseph's son-in-law. They decided to go forward and ask him why they haven't known this all along. 

They eventually spotted him sitting down, next to a lake. 

"Jack?" George placed his hand on his shoulder from behind. 

"What do you want?" Jack mumbled. 

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Tell you what?"

"You know! Why haven't we ever come to know that Captain Joseph was your father-in-law?" 

"Things only would have been worse if you all had known," Jack replied as he threw a stone into the pond. 

"Worse?" Henry asked, "Why?"

"Just look at me. Aren't I just about the weakest and untalented soldier you've met? My aim - terrible. Using knives? Don't even go there."

"So what if that was true? What does that have anything to do with this?" Fernando questioned. 

"I would have been seen as an embarrassment, to Captain Joseph. I've never made him proud enough. I know how tormented he would feel if everyone came to know that a messed up soldier like me was his son-in-law, out of all the men out there," Jack said sternly as he continued to throw stones into the pond. 

George was left with nothing to say while Henry and Fernando were just perplexed. There was always more to someone than just their external behavior. Every single individual had a story or belief, resulting in their attitudes. 

***

Alexander eventually sat up and wiped his tears off his face. 

"I'm glad that you aren't holding in as much pain anymore," Cassandra said as she wiped off her tears as well, "You will feel better, I promise."

Alexander merely nodded.

"I guess I'll leave you to yourself now, I apologize for disturbing you when you wanted to be alone," Cassandra said as she stood up. 

"God be with you," she said before turning to walk away. Suddenly Alexander's hand reached out to hold hers, and he placed his other hand on top of it. Cassandra looked back at him with confusion, and hope. 

For a few moments he just stared at her, then eventually he was able to form words again.

"Thank you."