Falling into You [COMPLETED]✓

Falling into You

Colton sets me down slowly, and I feel his arousal as my front slides against his. We spin again, and I walk backward toward his room, my breath coming in shallow gasps. His hand curls around my waist, but I pull out of his touch. His brow wrinkles in confusion, then clears as I dance a few steps farther back and wrap my fingers around the hem of my shirt. I peel it off quickly, drop it to the floor between us. Colton bends and scoops it up without breaking stride or eye contact, lifts the fabric to his face and sniffs. I laugh, then reach behind me and slide down the zipper of my skirt, stopping in the doorway to his room. He halts in the hallway, just out of reach, my shirt balled in one fist, his other hand pressed flat against one wall. His broad chest and lean hips are silhouetted by the soft white fluorescent glow from the kitchen, and my mouth goes dry at the sight of him, rugged and masculine and delicious. I shimmy my hips, biting my lip, and let the skirt fall to pool at my feet, and now I’m clad in only my bra and underwear. I watch as his jeans bulge noticeably at the zipper, strained by his arousal. His eyes are hooded, half-lidded, primal, hungry.  I unhook my bra, one eyelet at a time, then slide one strap off, letting the bra fall to dangle from one finger in front of me. Colton rumbles deep in his chest, a sound of pure approval.  My skin tightens, my nipples pebble hard under his sweeping gaze. I stand and let him look. He takes a step forward, and I want to back up to the bed, lie down for him, retreat from the raw intensity in his eyes, but I don’t. I stay in place and tilt my head up to meet his gaze until he’s standing over me. Our lips are centimeters apart, but we don’t kiss. I can feel his breath hot on my lips, and I want to feel them on me, but I don’t move. I wait. And then I can’t take it anymore. I tug his shirt off, mimicking his action of smelling it, and ohmigod, it does smell incredible, like him, familiar and comforting and exotic. Then I trail my fingers down his chest, stopping on the trail of dark hair on his belly, leading under his jeans. I unsnap the button, lower the zipper, let my knuckles brush his arousal through the cotton of his underwear. I look down now, and my belly shivers at the sight of the gray cotton boxer-briefs stretched by his shaft, a dot of wetness spreading where his tip presses against the fabric.  He kicks off the jeans, and now we’re both in just our underwear. Almost there, almost bare to each other. I slip my fingers under the string of my bright pink thong, lower them slightly. “Stop. Leave them.” Colton’s voice is low and growling, halting me.  I comply immediately, letting my hands fall loose at my sides. I’m not sure why, but it’s hot when he orders me around like this. I feel a tingle in my belly, a shiver in my thighs. I press my legs together, trying to soothe the ache between them, but it’s futile. He closes the gap so my breasts brush his chest, his arousal pressing into my belly. I reach up to touch his shoulders, slide my palms down his spine, pulling him closer. He leans down and kisses me, softly at first, tenderly. It melts me, softens me, leaves me limp and gasping from the delicacy of his kiss. I have to clutch his waist to keep from falling.  My hands are exploring the border of his waist where skin meets cotton; I lift up on my toes to deepen the kiss and push under the elastic to cup his cool hard ass, roaming the globes of muscle with both hands. He growls into the kiss, one of his hands spanning my spine just above my hips, the other touching my waist and drifting up, up, over my ribs…onto my breast. His rough palm covers my nipple, sending thrills spasming through me. I arch into his palm, grip his ass with my fingernails, roaming his mouth with my tongue.  I’m left off-balance and dizzy and gasping when Colton abruptly pulls away. “Hold on to the doorframe,” he orders. I obey, and he smiles at me, a predatory baring of teeth. “Now, spread your feet apart…shoulder-width…yeah, just like that. Now, don’t move. And hold on.” I think I know what he’s planning, and I suddenly can’t breathe past my heart hammering in my throat. My hands on the doorframe are all that’s holding me up, and I have to grip tight when he sinks to his knees in front of me. His huge hands curl around the backs of my thighs. I bite my lip and gaze down at him, breathless.  Oh, god, oh, god, ohmigod.  He presses his nose against my core, nudging the triangle of pink silk. I can’t help a moan, and he hasn’t even done anything yet. I cry out when he very suddenly reaches up and yanks my panties down. He lifts one of my feet by the ankle, a silent command to step out. I do, and now I’m completely naked, with Colton’s face between my thighs.  I’m waiting, waiting, anticipating, but he’s just looking up at me, devouring me with his eyes, his hands curled around my thighs once more, just beneath my ass.  Is he going to use his mouth on me? Go down on me? God, I want him to.  There’s no warning. He times his assault when I close my eyes in desperation, willing him to do something. Nothing, nothing…and then suddenly his hot wet tongue slides slowly up the crease of my folds. I let my head fall back, and I whimper in delight, relief. I have to clutch the doorframe with all my strength to stay upright.  His fingers are on the insides of my thighs, curling around from behind to pull me apart, spread me open for his mouth. Another soft, slow lick upward, a third, and then he’s lapping, lapping, and I’m whimpering nonstop. And then he digs in with his tongue, pressing against the nub of hypersensitive nerves. I dip against his face, my legs giving out.  “Lock your knees, Nelly-baby.”  I do it, and then his tongue is inside me once more, circling my clit and pushing hard gasps out of me, soft moans, breathy whimpers.  An inferno of fiery pressure is building inside me, a huge balloon of impending detonation. The edge is approaching, and he’s taking me there, taking me past it, into a wonderland of ecstasy. I want to touch him, touch his hair, his skin, but he told me to hold on to the door and if I don’t, he might stop what he’s doing and that would be the worst, so I hold on to the door like I was told and let myself moan as loud as I want. The louder my voice goes, the faster and more fervently he licks me. And then, just this side of coming, he slows and pulls his tongue away, resumes licking up my folds, and I make a sound of half-pleasure, half-frustration. One of his hands curves around the outside of my thigh, touches the inside of the opposite knee, then drifts up to his chin.  Yes, yes, touch me, there. I need his fingers inside me. He doesn’t, though. “Tell me what you want me to do. I won’t do it unless you tell me to.” I groan, then tip my head down to look at him. His mouth and lips glisten with my juices, his blue, blue eyes shining with desire.  “Touch me. Put your fingers inside me. Keep going down on me.” I don’t stifle my moan when he slides two fingers inside my hot, throbbing, drenched channel. “Make me come.” “Say my name.” I bite my lip, because I can’t help it and because it drives him crazy. “Make me come, Colton.” He grumbles in his chest. It’s a good sound. “You know,” he says, pauses to swipe my folds with his tongue, and then continues, “you’re the only person in my life who calls me that. Everyone else calls me Colt.” “Want me to call you Colt instead?” I ask. “Hell, no. I love the way you say my name.” There aren’t any more words then, because his fingers are moving in a way that has me wanting to scream, and his tongue has zeroed in on my clit again, and his hand is caressing my ass. He’s all over me, in me, on me, all around me. My world has shrunk down to him, to Colton and the insanely incredible thing he’s doing to me.  So close, so close. But then every time I reach the cusp, he seems to know and slows, switches his rhythm and pulls me back from the edge. He’s drawing his cues from my voice, I think. He hears the tempo of my moans increase as I reach the edge, and then when I’m gasping and whimpering with need, he stops, and I throw my head back in frustration, but then I tip it forward again to watch him lap at me. Oh, god, he’s so sexy doing that. His dark hair glints in the light, his skin dark and dusky in the low light, his bare muscles gleaming and shifting as he moves. His hand is on my ass, holding me against him, and now I’ve lost all control over myself. I’m dipping on weak knees against his mouth and fingers, and my hands are tangled in his hair, crushing him against me with wanton need, complete abandonment.  “I need to come, Colton,” I breathe. “Please, let me come.” He caresses my ass in circles, smoothing the skin over my left cheek, his right hand inside me, rubbing against a spot high on my walls, rubbing in a way that has me panting and whimpering, then pulls his two fingers in and out, in and out, then rubs the spot again. His tongue is relentless, untiring, flicking and circling my clit, brushing it, licking it, sucking it into his mouth and pulling on it with gentle teeth.  Closer, now. So close. “I’m right there,” I hear myself say, panting. “Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” He doesn’t answer, just renews his assault, and now I’m on the edge, hovering, wavering, about to tip forward. My head is thrown back and I’m moaning out loud, pulling his face against my core in the rhythm of my knees’ buckling and his tongue’s sweeping.  He pulls my clit between his teeth and suckles it hard, rubbing me furiously with his fingers, and then I come. As I gasp a shriek, announcing my orgasm, he slaps my ass, and I come so hard my breath leaves me and my scream is cut off. He slaps my ass again, on the other cheek, withdrawing his fingers and sliding them back in as he smacks me a third time. With each slap of his hand on my ass, he flicks my clit with his tongue, and I come, come, come, bent forward at the waist and mouth wide but silent. “Scream for me, Nelly.” He accompanies the order with one last smack, the hardest, and nips my clit with his teeth, almost too hard, but not quite. I can’t help but obey, screaming loudly and collapsing forward. Colton catches me in his arms as he stands up. I’m twitching with wave after wave of aftershock, but I force my eyes open, watch as Colton moves across the hall into the bathroom, digs around in the cabinet under the sink, pulls out an unopened box of condoms. He opens the flap and withdraws a string of packets, rips one free, and tosses the rest on the floor next to the bed.  Watching him do this drives home what’s about to happen. Letting him go down on me, touching him, kissing him, making him come with my hand, all that is one thing. But actual sex, him above me, sliding into me…that’s different.  He strips off his boxers and settles onto the bed next to me, leaning over me on one elbow. “Second thoughts?” he asks, having seen the look on my face, probably. “There’s no pressure. You don’t want to do this, we don’t—” “I do.” I lift my hand to caress the knobs of his spine down to his ass. “I really do. It’s been so long, I’m nervous. But I want it.” “And the ghosts?” “There, but I’m working past them.” I follow the line of his side, trace his ribs, then back down to his hip. “You?” “Same.” His gaze rakes down my body, then flicks up to meet my eyes. “You’re so sexy, Nell. So beautiful. I can’t take it, you’re so fucking gorgeous. I don’t deserve a delicious little angel like you.” And just like that, the nerves are subsumed beneath a tidal wave of tenderness and desire. “I’m no angel,” I say, lifting up on one elbow and pushing him onto his back. “And you do deserve me. You deserve someone better than—” “I deserve exactly you,” he cuts in, settling his hands on my hips as I kneel astride his thighs. “Only you. The good and the bad. All you, all beautiful.” I can only stare at him in response, blinking back emotion. Not tears, not really. Just…emotion. I shift my gaze to his torso, the dragon spewing fire, the lettering, the images, all painted across his gloriously muscled physique. I smooth my hands over his chest, down his stomach, trace the V-cut with trembling fingertips. I follow the lines of the “V” downward to the close-trimmed pubic hair, and—god, he’s huge—his shaft. I lick my lips, and then bite down, hesitating. He doesn’t move, just holds my hips loosely.  “Touch me,” he says. “This is whatever you want. Your pace.” A fingertip at first. Just the pad of my index finger grazing the very tip of him; he jerks under my touch, and his stomach retracts slightly, then relaxes. My lip hurts, I’m biting it so hard, and his fingers tighten in the flesh of my hip, his self-control exercised. I’ve done this to him before, but he was sleeping then, not watching. It’s different. I want to know how he likes it, what he wants, what feels best. I want to just touch him, hold him. I want to wrap my lips around him and taste him. That’s something I’ve only done once or twice before a long time ago, and I find myself wanting to try it with him.  I shift back on his legs so I’m on my shins, straddling his knees. Then a deep breath, and I’m wrapping my hand around him. He’s thick in my palm, hard as a rock, the skin soft and scorching hot. My heart is a wild drum in my throat, and I’m barely breathing. His eyes are on me, his gaze unwavering and unreadable. I slide my hand down to his base, and he’s so long I can place my other hand on him, cradle him with both fists. I slip my fists up his length, then down again, and then I’ve got a rhythm going.  “God, Nell. I love the way you touch me.” His voice is husky, slow.  I don’t answer, not until I’ve bent over him so his pink, veined flesh is in front of my face. “I want to taste you.” “Whatever you want,” he says. “But I’m not gonna come in your mouth.” “No?” I hesitate, then touch my lips to his head.  “Nope. Not this time, at least. I want to be inside you when I come. I want to be staring into your beautiful eyes when we come together.”  He tangles his hand in my hair, then slumps his head back when I find my courage and slip him between my lips. He tastes of skin, salt, and heat, and there’s moisture slicking his tip, touching my tongue and tasting of faint musk and salt. He moans, and I take him deeper, pushing him inch by inch into my mouth, running my tongue along him. I’ve got my fist around him still, and I slide it up and down on his base, and then my lips are touching my fist and he’s as far as he can go before I gag. I back away, sliding him out, moving my hand on him, then descend once more. He flutters his hips slightly as he reaches the back of my throat. “Sorry, didn’t mean to gag you.” I pull my mouth off him, but not my hands, and look at him. “It’s fine. I like the way you taste.” I don’t wait for him to answer, but wrap my lips around him again and take him deep.  This time, I gag myself with him on purpose, out of curiosity, to see how far I can go. “Jesus, Nell.” He tries to pull his hips back, but there’s nowhere for him to go, and he’s hissing, tightening his fingers in my hair. “If you’re gonna do that, at least try to relax your throat. Don’t do anything you don’t want to. Don’t do anything ’cause you think I expect it.” I back away, then down again, and this time I relax my throat muscles and take him deeper. Oh, god, oh, god, ohmigod. So deep. So huge. Almost too much, but I like it. I don’t know what that says about me, and I don’t care. He likes it, I can tell. He’s holding back, but he really likes it. I set a rhythm, backing away until his tip is at my lips, then take him as deep as I can, sliding my fist on him as I back away.  “Fuck, Nell. Fuck, that’s incredible.” He’s breathless, trembling from the effort to hold still.  “You can move,” I tell him. “Don’t hold back.” He groans and begins to move into my rhythm. I glance up at him as his head is at my lips, and his face is turned up to the ceiling, a look of pained rapture on his face. I love knowing I’m giving him this pleasure. His fingers are clenched into my hair, tight against my scalp. He pulls on me gently, encouraging me.  He moves, moves, thrusting into my mouth. I take him, take all of him. I know he said he wasn’t going to come in my mouth, but I decide to make him. I want it. I want to swallow it, taste it, feel it, feel him lose control in my mouth.  “Touch my sack,” he says, the words grated past clenched teeth. “Please.” I cup his balls in one hand, and they’re tight, swollen. I massage them as tenderly as I can, moving my other hand at his root, pumping swiftly, bobbing onto him faster and faster. His breathing is ragged, his hips moving in uncontrolled spasms. I take him deep every time, and I don’t gag. I’m proud of that. I like feeling him in my throat, knowing he likes it, loves it. He’s given me such pleasure doing this to me, and now I can give it back.  He tries to pull away. “I have to—have to stop. I’m too close, Nell.” He tugs on my hair, twice.  I only move faster, and then I feel his hips give in and thrust into me again. I feel his balls tense and pulse, and then his hips strain at the apex of a thrust, deep in my throat. I feel a hot rush spurt down my throat. I back away so his tip is between my lips and suck hard. He groans loudly and his hips buck, and another stream jets into my mouth. I taste it this time, thick and hot and salty on my tongue, sliding down my throat as I swallow. I squeeze his base and pump, sucking still, and he unleashes a third time, a lesser amount and a softer spurt. When I feel the spasms subside, I take him deep one last time, then spit him out and slide up his body so I’m resting on his chest. His still-hard tip nudges my folds, and I can’t help but wiggle against it, working it in. I want to feel him inside me. Colton is tensed and trembling, shuddering. “Holy shit, Nell. That was fucking incredible.” I giggle against his shoulder. “Thanks? I wasn’t sure if I was doing that right, but you seemed to like it, so…” He stills. “You’ve never done that before?” I shrug. “I have, but…it was a long, long time ago, and I only did it a couple times.” That’s as close to details as I’m willing to go with him in this moment. He seems to understand, because he just nods. “Gotcha. Well, I can tell you it was the best fucking thing I’ve ever felt.” I feel a thrill of pride. “Really?” The back of my mind tells me he must have a lot of experience to base it on, which is something I don’t want to examine too closely. “Abso-fucking-lutely.” “You’re just saying that.” He laughs. “No, I’m not. It really was that good.” He moves, a sudden shift, and I’m on my back and he’s above me, lips touching my shoulder, pressing soft kisses to my skin. “And now I get to kiss every incredible inch of your body.” And he does, every single single inch. He starts at my shoulders, kisses slowly across my breastbone, kneeling between my legs, then slides his kisses down between my breasts. I want his mouth there, but he teases me, kissing the swell of each breast but not taking the nipple into his mouth as I want him to. He touches his lips in a series of wet kisses down my stomach, across my belly to my hips, down each thigh. I expect him to put his mouth to my core, but he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses dangerously close to each side, above the inside of each thigh with his rough cheeks sandpaper against my sensitive skin, but he never touches his mouth to my folds.  And then he’s moving back up after having kissed my shins and my calves and my feet. He gets to my knees, then hesitates, takes my hips in his hands and twists me onto my stomach. I pillow my head on my arms and try not to be self-conscious as he kisses my calves, the backs of my thighs, then, yes, each buttock, wandering over the globes, paying special attention to them, palming the cheeks around his lips, squeezing the muscles, tracing the crease.  His finger delves into the crease, and suddenly the all-over kissing isn’t as sweet as it is erotic. His mouth is still moving over my buttocks, but his finger, it’s going between my thighs and back up, deeper. “You liked my finger inside you back here, didn’t you?” he asks, his voice rough and demanding. I can only whimper in response. I did like it. I can’t say that, though. “Answer me, baby.” He nudges my thighs open with his knees, spreading me. “Did you like it?” He keeps pushing my knees until they’re bent as far as they can flex, and I’m spread completely for him. His palm circles my backside, and I can sense he’s waiting for my answer. I don’t. I want to push him, see what he’ll do. He spanks me again, a light but stinging slap. Immediately, my core clenches and I’m wet, dripping. I moan into the pillow. “Yes, Colton. I liked it.”  “Want it again?” “Uh-huh.” I can’t make words. His thick forefinger is trailing down my crease and probing in, causing my breath to hitch and my body to tremble. His other hand slides under me, his fingers curling up to massage my clit. Lightning shoots through me, and I wriggle under his touch. His finger slides up and down still, closing in but not pushing or pressing. His touch on my clit is gentle and soft and slow, questing circles to get me ready. Oh, I’m ready. So ready. I stretch my legs to open more, and now his finger is gone briefly, then back again. I feel something wet and warm against me back there, and then there’s pressure.  “Tell me if it’s too much.”  He pushes in, oh so gently. Oh, god, oh, god, ohmigod. Now his circling fingers are swift and accurate, sending heat through me. I shift and arch, bow my back and roll my hips. So good. So good. I lift up onto my knees and push back, liking the fullness of his finger inside me. Oh, god.  “Colton…don’t stop.” “No fucking way.” He slides his finger deeper, and I’m nearly undone.  It’s so intense, fiery and stretching and slightly painful, but pain is familiar and welcome and erotic. So perfect. But no, I realize even as I think it that this isn’t perfect. Him inside me would be perfect. Just like this, but his cock instead of his fingers. “I want you inside me.” I turn my head to whisper the words over my shoulder. “Right now.”  “Like this?” “God, yes. Like this.” My voice is a fierce whisper. I hear a packet rip, feel his hand withdraw from my core, and I turn to watch him slide a condom on one-handed. I rest my weight on my elbows, watching him take his shaft in hand and guide it to my entrance. A gentle nudge, and then his eyes on mine as he hesitates. “Nell, I—” He’s so dominating sometimes, giving me orders that I find myself wanting to obey, taking me to delirious heights of ecstasy. And then, other times, he’s hesitant and unsure, but it’s only ever as regards to me, making sure I’m on the same page as he is, making sure I want what’s happening. I can’t form words to answer him, so I push back against him, and I feel him slide into me, filling me.  Oh…my…god. I hang my head between my arms and brace my shoulders, thrust back to crush him deep.  “Fuck, Nell. God, you’re so fucking tight.” His voice is strained, thick. His hand grips my hip where it’s bent and pulls me against him. And now he’s flush against me, hips to my ass, finger inside me there still.  “You’re so big, Colton…” I say, then have to stifle a giggle, realizing how that came out. I said it breathily, and it sounded like something from a porno. But it’s true. He’s huge, stretching me.  “Is it okay? I’m not hurting you?” I shake my head. “It’s perfect.” I feel the pressure building, a volcanic heat inside me. He slides out and out, and then he’s poised with the tip inside me, hesitating a heartbeat, then plunges in slowly and I cry out, a breathless shriek. Another slow slide out, and then back in, his finger pulsing inside me, slightly in and out, pushing the pressure to a head, lightning building and crackling in my blood, in my muscles. He hesitates at my entrance again, his tip nestled in my folds, and this time when he thrusts in, it’s faster, almost rough. “Yes, god, yes, Colton. Like that.”  He pulls out and pistons deep, hard. “Like that?”  “Yeah…” I gasp. Again, hard, deep, so deep. “You like it hard?” A rough rhythm now, deep and fast. “Yes, Colton…I like it hard.” “Oh, my fucking god, Nell.” He bends over me, buried deep, rests his head against my spine. “How are you so fucking incredible?” I have no way to answer that, and I don’t have a chance to anyway, because he’s pounding into me again. I whimper at each thrust, push into him when he slides deep. There’s no thought but this moment, no memory but the previous thrust, no one in the world but Colton. The pressure of impending orgasm is a thundering presence inside me, and I know when it comes, it will be an inundating weight crashing through me. Then he slows and shallows his thrusts, sliding halfway in, moving in a sinuous rhythm. Oh, shit, that’s intense. Even more intense than having it rough, in a way. He’s hitting inside me in way that strikes a chord, makes me thrum. The edge is near, my climax hovering close. He moves his finger a little deeper, wiggles it in and out, and then abruptly pounds deep, hard, and I break apart. I scream, shove my ass back into his thrusts, coming and coming and coming. Then I’m moving, I’ve lost his presence within me, I’m on my back and about to beg him to be inside me again, but he’s there, sliding in gently, and I sigh in relief to have him back where he belongs. “Nell, look at me.” His voice snaps my eyes open, and his gaze is intense, vivid blue, rapturous in the way he’s gazing at me with such open adoration. “Hi,” I say. “Hi,” he says back. His hands lift me by the shoulders until I’m upright and sitting on his knees, somewhat awkwardly. “Wrap your legs around my waist.” He’s cross-legged, sitting upright, holding me, and I curl my heels around his hips. The shift in position effects an immediate difference. He’s…deep. So far inside me it’s unreal. I gasp, and then I can’t even do that, my mouth locked wide in a silent scream as I sink down around him.  “Oh, god, oh, shit,” he says. “You’re so fucking tight. Have I said that yet?” “You—you may have,” I gasp. “I’m glad I’m tight for you.” “Move for me. Lift yourself up and down. Make yourself come.” His voice caresses me; his eyes lock on mine. I obey, of course I do. I push down with my heels, lift with my thighs, grip his shoulders with my hands and lift. I hover with him barely inside, and then, eyes wide and mouth gaping, I lower myself as slowly as I can. I lift again and his hands slide under my ass, lift me, lower me. My rhythm increases until I’m frantic, climax building to a peak.  He senses it, sees it. “Come for me.” Oh, I do. So hard.  He’s holding back, I think.  “Your turn,” I say. “I want you to come now.” He growls, tips us so I’m on my back and now he’s above me and now, now it’s perfect. This is perfect heaven, happiness like I’ve never known before, and I feel no guilt or pain or shame or anything but Colton’s body pressed against mine, his mouth pressing fiery kisses to my breast, taking a nipple in his mouth and rolling it, his cock drilling deep… I lock my legs around him and my hands on the back of his head, pulling him against my breast. He rolls into me slowly at first, almost lazily. His mouth moves from one breast to the other, his hands flat on the bed next to my head. I turn my face to the side and kiss his iron forearm, then stretch my mouth wide in a soft gasp as he increases his pace, biting my nipple hard enough to twinge.  I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m nearing climax again, and I don’t think I can take another one, not when they keep getting more intense. If that keeps up I’ll be ripped in half by this one, and yeah, it’s on me now, so close. He’s bucking hard now, plunging madly, his weight a heavy pressure on me, his chest sliding against mine, his mouth at my ear.  He’s whispering my name over and over again, chanting it as he rocks into me. One of my hands is tangled in the hair at the back of his head, and the other is scratching down his back to clutch his tensing buttocks, pulling him against me. His voice huffs in my ear, a gasped whisper. “Oh, god…I’m coming, Nell. Come with me. Come with me, baby.” His head lifts, and our eyes lock.  “Yes…yes…now,” I say. “Give it all to me right now.” This drives him wild, and he crashes into me, rough and hard and uncontrolled. It’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced, this primal force of a man lost in the throes of ecstasy, crashing into me. He pounds furiously, driving deep, and I dig my fingers into his flesh and his hair, jerk him harder with my legs, feeling my own climax wash over me. His rhythm falters, stutters, and then he’s flexed, every muscle taut as bowstring, buried deep. He pulls back slowly, drawing himself out, and then crashes deep, a second time, a third, and then he goes limp on top of me, his huge weight crushing me wonderfully. I stroke his back in slow, soothing circles, kiss his shoulder, the shell of his ear, his temple. I smooth my hands down his spine, caress his ass, then trace up his sides, memorizing the feel of his muscles, the way his body feels on mine.  He shifts. “I must be crushing you.” I hold him in place. “No, don’t move. I like it. You’re fine. I love feeling you like this.” His face is nuzzled into the hollow of my neck and chin, his breathing slow and steady. I’ve never, ever felt such complete contentment as in this moment. I’m sated, I’m happy. I’m throbbing and tingling all over, flushed with ecstasy, overwhelmed and full in my heart, mind, body, and soul.  And then it hits me. We’ve both been using the phrase “I love this” or “I love it when you…” and that’s a socially acceptable phrase for something you really enjoy. But…the truth is, I think we both mean it in the deeper sense. I know I do. I wouldn’t change this moment for anything. And I certainly would never give up having this with Colton. I want to experience this again and again, as much as possible. I feel closer to Colton in this moment than I have anyone before. This thought brings up a wave of guilt, but I push it away.  “What are you thinking, Nelly-baby?” Colton rolls with me, and now I’m lying nearly on top of him.  I throw my thigh over his leg and roam his torso with a hand, my hair spread beneath me and over his chest. “I’m thinking this is the best moment of my life. Honestly. I feel closer to you right now than anyone…ever. I’m thinking…I want to experience moments like this with you forever.” I suck in a deep breath and let it out, then take the plunge. “I’m struggling with feeling guilty over that, because of everything we talked about regarding your brother, but—it’s just the truth. I’m closer to you now than I ever was him. I don’t know why that is. It hurts—it’s confusing. I know I loved him. I did. But…somehow I’m just—things with you and me are just…more. I don’t know.” He strokes my hair, smoothes it over my head. “I get it. I feel the same way. I know I loved India. But this with you? It’s like…so much more it’s almost a completely different kind of thing.” I shift and tilt my head so I’m looking into his eyes. “I’m falling in love with you, Colton. I don’t know if it’s too soon to say that to you, but…it’s true. It’s scary, because I don’t know if everybody is going to understand, but I don’t care right now. I just have to say it to you, because—just because.” He draws me up to him and kisses me, his palm huge against my cheek. I feel so tiny against him, like I could curl up against him and disappear.  “It’s not too soon. I was gonna say the same thing, but you beat me to it.” I smile. “Say it anyway. Please?” He takes a deep breath and lets it out, examining my face almost idly, obviously composing his thoughts.  “I’m not just falling in love with you, Nell. I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are. Like you said, it’s scary in a way, but it’s also the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. You are the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.”  For the first time since Kyle died, I find myself crying happy tears. I’d forgotten what those were.