Dear Calum - Calum Hood/5SOS

"Dear Calum,

It's not everyday I find myself writing to you, and I think, knowing you won't ever read this makes it just ten thousand times harder, but i thought maybe, if I write it all down, it might make things just a little bit easier, for me. Maybe I'll find this one day and it will make me smile, make me remember if i've forgotten. But I won't forget forever, I promise. Well, I guess I'd better start from the beginning, the very beginning. Here it goes then.

I woke up that morning and all I could think was 'oh god, it's monday' and 'oh god, i've got maths today' and 'oh god, we're getting back our test results' I knew that it was going to be long, I knew it was going to be painfully long. I was not looking forward to that day. I didn't think it could get much worse to be honest but obviously, it could. As soon as I set foot into the kitchen I was greeted with a not too happy mother, learning she had just gotten off the phone with Mr Brown, my maths teacher. She explained to me that I had already failed my mock test, and if I didn't pass the next exam, I would be retaking the class...again. You see, I was never too good at maths, but you already knew that. She continued to tell me that she had told my teacher to organise another student to 'help me with my studies' as she put it. My already dull day just became a lot bleaker.

My lesson that day was as uninteresting as ever, I spent the majority of the time drawing all over my test paper I had been given back. I think my mind was more pre-occupied wondering who would be chosen to tutor me. I glanced around the room multiple times, only once did my eyes land on you. You were doing the same as me, drawing on your test paper, your tongue poking out slightly as you concentrated, your glasses resting on the table at your side. My eyes moved onto the person next to you. Cecelia? Was that her name? I can't remember, but she was focused on Brown. Staring intently at the whiteboard and scribbling into her paper. I distinctly recall thinking to myself 'God I hope I don't get her!'. When I was called up to Browns desk after dismissing the class, I don't think I could've cared any less. I really didn't care. And I still didn't care even when he called your name. I watched as you slung your backpack over your shoulder and walked around the desk. I wish I had cared more. You pushed your glasses onto your face and stepped up to the desk. I looked at you. I looked at you for a while. Mr Brown was talking to us about how it would all work and you were listening, watching him. But me? I was studying you. You were quiet. The quiet one of the class, never raised your hand, never spoke to anyone. No one knew if you were even good at maths. It confused me for some reason I think, I wish I understood you more.

That night we organised our first, session? I guess. I'd given you my address and you would be here in a few minutes. I felt nervous, like sweaty palms, butterflies in your stomach, nervous. And I don't even know why, I just did. The doorbell rang and I jumped immediately, my heart beating faster than I could walk. I opened the door and there you stood. Your glasses pushed on, your blue shirt buttoned up the the top and your maths book slotted into your arms. At that moment, every ounce of courage and confidence i'd ever had, had gone. My throat felt dry. I didn't know what to do. I pulled off one of the most pathetic, sheepish and weakest smiles i'd ever seen and opened the door wider. You reciprocated the stupid smile and shuffled inside. I left you at the door, walking off in an attempt to be assertive in my own house. Wiping my palms against my back jeans I glanced back to see you kicking off a pair of scuffed up black converse, you really liked those converse. Showing you into the dining room you put all your books down on the table. It was a lot of books. I asked if you wanted a drink and you said 'iced tea'. I was taken back by your voice, your accent thick and your voice low. It made me shiver sometimes. You always liked Iced tea, drank it like there was no tomorrow. I tried to make conversation with you, saying things like "The weather was terrible today" but you weren't having it. If I could count how many monosyllabic words you used that night, god. 'Yeah, sure, no, 'kay, mm, yup' thats all you said I swear. But there was one thing you said that night. I couldn't do a question, no shock there, and I'd pretty much given up. I remember questioning why you were so smart, what a stupid question. And what did you say to me? "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer." You didn't even look up as you said it, you stared at your piece of paper, drumming the pen. You stopped and looked up at me, your eyes locked onto mine. I was holding my breath, by now I pretty much ready to pass out. "Albert Einstein" You stated. My eyebrows must have risen as high as they could at that moment, I was as confused as ever. You continued to repeat yourself...twice. I must have looked like a complete idiot, even though you say I didn't, I still felt like one.