The Land of the Living

Depression Mixed with a Bit of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

It's not easy trying to pretend everything is okay. You wake up in the morning and spend an extra hour just laying there, staring at the ceiling, hoping that you can just fall back to sleep and disappear from everyone's lives. Eventually though, you have to force your tired legs to swing over the side of the bed and plop onto the cold floor. You spend another minute just staring at the wall.

The day could go better, and you know it. You just can't get yourself to do what you said you would do. Your emotions seem to be running at high speed, and anything anyone says about what happened to you gets you on edge. You're hoping everyone just stays away because you don't want to snap at them or hurt their feelings. They need protecting from the monster inside.

Blessings are frequently popping up, but you never feel the happiness you should be feeling. There's a constant nag in the back of your head that says things could have been different. You could have stopped things from happening if you had only tried.

The memories whirl around inside your head until you feel crazy and weak. At the same time, you feel tense and on edge. You don't want to talk about it. You don't want to have to go through the pain again.

The end of the day comes, and you've successfully avoided everyone. You finish getting ready for bed, but you can't seem to let go of the intense fear that looms inside the dark crevices of your brain. You turn the light off, but within seconds, the fear has consumed your whole mind, and you flip it back on. You check to see if there's anyone in the room. Of course, there's no one there, but you still have to check because you have to be absolutely sure.

The light stays on the rest of the night, and you wake up in the morning without feeling refreshed. You spend another hour just laying there, staring at the ceiling, hoping that you can just fall back to sleep and disappear from everyone's lives.