It's Me, Luke

2

06 January 12

Friday

Dear Jane Doe,

I do not quite know if it is acceptable to write to you about my life or something, but it's not as if you'd be able to read this. I'm not saying you shouldn't read this, silly, because these letters I've typed in my computer are for you, but I'm only saying that it is impossible for you to read this because a.) I'm not sending it to you b.) I don't know you literally. c.) duh.

Point is, I should not worry whether or not what I'm doing is acceptable, because it is.

Onto my life.

Right now, I am writing to you as I am doing my Math homework. I am not exactly doing only mine, though, but my friend's, too. Well, okay, maybe not my friend's but a classmate's. He's been pestering me the whole afternoon, saying that if I don't work on his assignment, I'll be getting a knuckle sandwich from him. Funny, I don't even know what a knuckle sandwich is. But I'm pretty sure it's not a yummy one, because as Johnny said it, his nostrils were flaring red.

Like fuck I don't know what a knuckle sandwich is. Of course I do. It's a term used by ten year old bullies, and Johnny Furrow is a seventeen year old guy with a brain of a ten year old.

So yeah, I accepted the deal. Ha-ha, I know, it's not what you can call a deal, because obviously, I'm not getting anything from it. But it's okay, Jane Doe, I'd rather do his math homework than have him beat the hell out of me.

Yes, Jane Doe, I guess you could say that I am bullied. I don't know what for, though - maybe because I do not have a girlfriend? Well, everybody in my school has boy/girlfriends. But frankly I do not see the point of it--they'll eventually break things off anyway, and then cry because it endee. It's very pointless, don't you think?

Or maybe, just maybe, because I do not have a pretty face? Just kidding. I look like a God. Do you believe I look like a God? No? Neither does everyone. Okay, okay. I look like a nerd. I am that sterotypical nerd who wears huge, thick-lensed glasses, and possesses freckles - lots of them. I have pale skin - almost like those of Edward Cullen. But I don't sparkle, so it's okay. I am extremely thin, too, so thin that I'll get knocked off by an injured mosquito. Also, I am tall, so tall you can't talk to me without your head held up high. But I'm not entirely ugly, because everyone says I have beautiful eyes. I have emerald eyes, I don't know, are they beautiful? I hope so.

But truth be told, sometimes I'm kinda okay with getting bullied. I know it’s weird, but I like the feeling of getting taunted by people who have looks like angels, but brains like rats. I mean, all they could ever say to me is: "You're a nerd, Luke." or "Your momma's so sweet she went to the bed with me last night." and then next I know they're asking me to do their homeworks, and then steal the sandwiches mom make for me.

How dumb is that? They're only proving that they're uncivilized, repugnant, and inhuman. And so I am enjoying it. God knows where those qualities of them could take them someday.

But hey, Jane, I always look at the bright side. I am getting really grades this semester, and I think I'm going to be graduating as a valedictorian.

How cool is that? I can finally skip this hellhole and get into a decent college! I was thinking about getting to Stanford, but I heard Yale is awesome. But of course, Harvard is my ultimate dream. And then when I get to college, I will find a girl. This girl whom I will love, and then marry, and we'll have kids, and then we'll live happily ever after.

What the fuck.

Yesterday at school, Holly and Mindy from the cheerleading squad gathered everyone at the gym, and then through the microphone, they announced that the loser of the week was me.

How very mature of them, right? They're both seventeen, by the way.

I was embarassed, of course, but I wasn't dumb enough to cry and sulk or whatever, because for fuck's sake, I am a boy. So do you wanna know what I did instead? Are you ready for a bad-ass snide remark? Just kidding. I just ignored them like I always do, besides, that's the right thing to do, right?

You see, I'm a fan of doing the right things.

And I guess that's what people hate about me: I'm not a rulebreaker. I follow the rules, and I hate going the other way. People love breaking the rules, so when I came in, they just...  come to hate me.

But who cares, right?

Also yesterday, my mother and I went to my grandma, Grandma Daisy. She is a nice lady, and she makes the best mudpies ever! I think I've loaded myself too much, I went straight to the bathroom and did my business.

Oops, I didn't have to say that.

Then after that,  mom and I ate at this certain Filipino restaurant, just on the other street. It was a nice place, the crews were all lovely Filipinas, and I swear, the food is great! I ordered this thing called Adobong Manok, which tastes like a teriyaki kind of thing but it tastes great! You should visit the place some time.

Well, since I am the boring type of guy, nothing really happened after that. Nothing interesting, nothing exciting. I have no friends, so....

You know what, Jane, I really wanna meet you again someday. I want to talk to you, tell you more about my life, and well, be your boyfriend? HA! I bet you're creeped out. I'm sorry, I am just a real creeper. Don't mind me.

But on a more serious note, I really want to see you again. There's something about you that I just can't shake, I don't know. That day I sat next to you in the bus, I thought I was going to freeze to death because you were so pretty, but I didn't. I felt chill, calm. And when you smiled at me, I just smiled back. Normally, if someone as pretty as you smiled at me, I would've screamed and ran away.

Then you said that thing about the weather - that's when I became a freaking statue.

That's right, I'm terrified of girls. It's another reason why I don't have a girlfriend, yeah.

One time around eighth grade, I had this friend named Martha. She was a volleyball player, meaning she could kick butts with those muscles. Then, she approached me, asking if she sit next to me at lunch. I said yes, sure. Just kidding. I didn't.  I froze in my sit and asked her:

"Are you going to sit with me to make fun of me or snap my bones into two?"

She laughed. Damn right she laughed. It wasn’t a scary laugh, though, but a real one. Then she shook her head no, and told me she just wanted to be friends with me.

We became friends.

At least I thought so.

After a week, she started hanging out with Johnny's group, and ditched me. Yeah, she did. I tried approaching her, but she just kept on brushing me off, like I was some pest, like I was never a part of her life. Maybe I wasn't? I dunno, I couldn't care less now.

I was hurt. Badly. After what she did to me, I became very terrified of girls. Those creatures, like Holly, Martha,Mindy, and the rest, they're all putrid, flesh-swallowing, shallow motherfuckers. But hey, not every girl. At least not you and mom and some.

I hope so.

Right now, my six year old cousin Jackie says I gotta go and eat dinner, and so I will.

Write to you soon.

Luke