The Jew's secret

It has been almost three years, since the fateful trial at the Venetian court. While people had rejoiced and celebrated on Antonio's triumph, I got demoted back to square one. He was the reason the whole city rejoiced and curses and taunts were openly thrown my way. A two sided entertainment for the town. I feel spiteful comments and sneers pin pricking my skin, every-time I go outside. Not that I blamed them. I had willingly assumed the role of a villain, for the sake of seeking revenge. But there is a flip side to every story.

I put my pen down and open the wooden box, kept on my desk. Inside it, gleamed the beautiful Turquoise ring Leah had given me, accompanied by a single note.

It has already been so long since I had eloped with my husband. Back then, my young heart had urged me to leave. To pursue my love. And I had succumbed to my impulsive desires to run away from your grasp. I had considered you cruel and merciless. Perhaps, at some point I had even hated you for your stubbornness. However, in the span of three years, rationality has crept into my thoughts. Even though I do not regret my choice to marry Lorenzo, I think I have wronged you as a daughter. I know that my actions have made you paranoid, and I wouldn't be surprised, if you have decided to disown the fact that I am your daughter. I do not beg for forgiveness, but I think there is one thing I need to return. Even though, I had always recognized you as a materialistic person, I knew that you adored it due to your sentiments attached to it. Luckily we have procured mother's ring back, from a trader.

I know that it is too late now for things to change, and I intend to be an estranged daughter. This is probably the last time you will hear from me. But before I end this letter, I want to say, I loved you father. Maybe I still do. It was just the differences in our opinions which have made us this way.

Love, Jessica.

I felt my eyes moisten, a lump forming inside my throat. A messenger had delivered this box yesterday and it is only now that I have mustered up the courage to open it. I brushed my hand over the twinkling jewel on the ring. I could not deny that I missed her.

"Leah" I sighed, closing my eyes.

I have lost everything. Leah. Jessica. My wealth. My dignity. And most importantly my malice laced intentions. And, I am grateful for the last one. At this point, I can come up with a million reasons to justify my actions against the Christians. But I have stopped running away from the truth. My hatred had destroyed me, not them. And now, I am nothing but a human shell, full of regret.

But I had not always been the villain I am known to be.

(FLASHBACK)

The Harbour was brimming with people, busy as usual. I adjusted my red cap before descending down the stairs to greet my clients. I could hear uproar of the Christians somewhere near the dock. I assumed that they were beating up yet another Jew. The thought of it made my blood boil. However, we were vulnerable here in front of the intolerant Christian masses. Up ahead in a distance, I could see a few more Jews running towards the dock. I had a bad feeling about it.

"Pardon me gentlemen" I told my clients, heading towards the dock.

What I saw there had scarred me for life.

The intolerant whims of those Christians had snatched away the one I treasured the most. They had killed my wife. And the worst thing was, on a person's death who was as innocent and pure as a white Lily, people were rejoicing. And the helpless Jews had no other choice but to stand there quietly, pretending to be submissive. Everyone valued their lives, and they could not protest. As ridiculous as it sounded, the Venetian law permitted the Christians to freely exploit the Jews. And even women and children did not escape their anguishing routines. To top it off, the charges against Christians for killing Jews were pretty minimal.

They had thrown her into the ice cold water after torturing her, just because she had forgotten to wear the red cap that marked us a Jews. She always had a weak body, and as expected she could not take it. Her heart stopped as I held her hand, not even being able to say a word of farewell. Perhaps I was the only one, hunched over her dead body, crying for what seemed like forever.

Leah was gone.

Vengeance had devoured my heart following that incident. The murderer got punished. But, it seemed like people forgot about her soon and the tyrannical cycle of torture went on. The Christians had snatched away my wife, but I had kept all that rage inside of me, bottling up for years. I had decided that nobody would ever know about this loss of mine. It would act as a fuel to my hatred against the Christians. And then, I met Antonio.

I had considered him to be a decent gentleman at first, despite my distaste concerning Christians. Amidst the commotion in the Rialto, I had called out to him to shake hands. A business oriented gesture. He had simply walked up to me, and rather than shaking hands, he had spat at me. "Aye, you Jew. Shylock is it?" He said, narrowing his eyes.

"Yes. Signor Antonio." I had extended my hand once again just to see how low he could go, and truly, he never touched my hand.

"I heard that you charge heavy interest on the money you lend." He finally had said. "The Jews and their Currish ways. Those gents art such materialistic devils. "He had huffed under his breath.

After that, our other encounters were not so pleasant either. And his abuses became more and more repulsive. He started addressing me as a dog on a regular basis and I got spat at uncountable times. He publicly shamed me for my money lending policies. As if he did not know that the law forbade us from owning any property, and thus we had to make a living by lending money. He even physically abused me a few times. And I had never said a word. Not even when he had insulted my deceased wife, and my holy religion. I had taken it all in. Calmly.

I had hated him ever since, my hatred growing day by day. And finally when I got a chance to make him feel as miserable as he made me feel, I could not resist it. My hatred converted to the thirst for blood. Before I knew it, I had become so evil that it hurt. But Antonio was not the only one. Significant others did the same.

Today, I am just an old man who has lost majority of his property, and is still despised by the masses. The downfall in my money lending business has left me almost broke. I had even lost the right to call myself a Jew. Forced to be converted to a Christian, I survive only on Antonio's mercy, something I still despise. His benevolence is suffocating. Yet, I am too worn out now to harbour such feelings once again. People call me a dog. A devil. A murderer. A criminal.

And I have decided to embrace this fact. They do not need to know the reasons that had compelled me to act that way. It's going to be a secret that I take to grave with me. I slide the ring into my index finger, and placing it over my heart I whisper,

"I am Shylock. And I too, used to be a good man".