Hi, I'm a 27 old guy and for simplicity's sake just call me nobody. You can call me Tom, Dick or Harry as a matter of fact. Bottom line is you don't need to know my name to know my story. So..Let's skip on it.
You know how you grow up and have that little feeling that someone should care about and listen to you, when you try to speak. When I was at high school, I had read in a poetry that how we wish someone would just listen for a change rather than putting their brain trying to come up with a answer to every thing you say. I totally understand that. It happens that I'm looking for a same person. I and you both know how many jerks surround us and we are both fed up with it... Aren't we?
I have heard girls cry over a guy who doesn't even care. The girl says she is unique.... "No you aren't" I replied, after being fed up hearing her past. Don't get me wrong. Past is important..It really is, it just I don't wanna end up being an emotional dump hole... No one wants to hear same old sad tales anymore. "Ohh I'm not special you say." It was a statement.
I felt bad.... I didn't mean that she wasn't special...It was just I was tired. No sane person can keep hearing people complain about their lives. It a waste.... Every one is crying... And it seems I'm too.
Do you get that feeling when you want to breath but something seems to choke you?. I bet you get.. if not you are probably lucky... Trust me. I feel the same when I'm out and about.. you see I'm more of a loner.. I don't hate people but I get nervous when too many people are around me. Why? you ask. Simple I don't know what I'm expected to do or be... So I end up being someone else. I die....RIP
But hey it's ok... It's cool...No one really cares. May be someone does care... May be... Wouldn't it be nice?... I believe you n I are on the same page. But still sometimes.. I feel alone... That kind of feeling when you have no hope...You try to make things better but ultimately end up making things worse..."You are a good kid".. yes I'm a good kid. I wish... I wasn't... I don't wanna be good... I just wanna be normal... Why it's so damn hard?..Why?...May be bcoz I'm different...It's nothing to be proud of.
If you are different from others chances are you will be bullied.. it's what "normal" people do when they don't understand things. Take an example of a kid..Buy a kid a toy and if he or she doesn't know how to operate it... Chances are, it will end up in pieces and will be dumped. People are like that. Not their fault. You can't blame a lion for eating a sheep. But poor sheep suffers. Fate as you have it.
It's funny how I hear from people that everything depends on fate no matter how much u try. My mom says it the girl I love says it too. It makes me sad..No one wants to be anyone's puppet. I remember there was this girl I loved back then. She was so pretty... I first met her when I had just started 7th grade. Btw she was in 8th. That's when I first noticed her.. Bob cut hair.. ample amount of neck could be seen..Damn she is so pretty too bad I can't see her face."turn around.. you stupid just turn once pretty please" I wispered. And she did.. I was so happy...She is beautiful... Now even after all these years I don't know how much I still love her.. it happens with us boys and dogs too. Dogs hide any sign of weakness. Little bastards are pro at it. But never mind there goes my heart ach...I don't know why m so scared of her...This isn't normal... The other day someone took a letter out of my pocket and read it and passed it to the next. Man it was so embarrassing..I wish she didn't hear abt me try to write a letter to propose her...Thank god I dropped the idea of letter at that time. It sounded childish :( . ... I know... u know so shut up and wipe off the smirk. -,- atleast pretend to be on my side.....
When I was in 11th standard I saw her brother...I think... At Underground station near my school.. I remembered her... It wasn't a nice feeling...I don't know I don't get that feeling anymore...Abt anyone..... Please don't get hurt. I don't mean that you don't matter.. you do... It just I have become a stranger now...I don't know who I'm. Shouldn't be hard to be me...U know the answer don't you?
People can hurt you.. there was once this girl I had started dating...It had seemed to me at last I had someone to talk to.. to be with. But as it happens my luck is always in short supply..I called her one day...Phone was answered after several attempts.. a guy picked it up... "She doesn't want to talk to you" damn he sounded so cold.."Who are you?"...."I'm her new boyfriend"... And our spirits sank likes stones..Eyes wet but a boy can't cry... That a thumb rule. Stick to it no sign of weakness.. keep smiling...keep pretending...Bcoz..It's all what I can do.She could have told me..No I was at fault...Yes I was, for not noticing things... Pretending everything was normal. May be if I gave more of me she would like me back...But she didn't.
...I don't know where I'm heading...It takes a lot be someone else.. I wish I had just stuck being me....I know m moody and can be boring at times.. ok sometimes a jerk.. but it's me... Nothing special....Yes I hear you call me an idiot... You are mean aren't you?...Can't even pretend for me...
There was a time when I wasn't like this... I could tell stories.. you know PROPER stories. I still can but I don't have anyone to tell my stories.. you know a secret about me..I'm excited to tell you. I become someone u want me to become... Isn't it a great talent? I have lots of friends.. :) ok I mean I can make frnds easily when I go to a totally strange place and if no one knows me... Ironically everyone bcomes frnds...Life can be happy at times.
_to be continued...
