Frozen Mud

Chapter 2 - Terminus

The sunlight layed on her head like a crown, and I wanted to be her knight in shining armour. Heck, I'd have been anything she wanted. She was wearing shades, a pink mini skirt, and a white sleeveless shirt. She was smiling, her group of friends laughing at a joke she had told. She seemed to be one of those cool kids. I couldn't understand what she was saying, she was speaking Korean, though for obvious reasons I didn't know that at the time. If only I could talk to her. If only I could find something to say. So, as a rookie I did the only thing I knew. Asked questions.

"Excuse me there, do you happen to know where this bus leads ?"

Yes, not the most romantic pick up line. The smell of piss, booze and car exhausts was overwhelming, and the sun only made it stink more. However, she turned to me, looked at me, took her shades off and began to answer my question. Yes, she did look at me as kind of a weirdo, but didn't totally shove me off. Besides, without the shades, I got to see her eyes, brown and warm. Not chillingly beautiful, but inviting. The way her hair sat on her brow, everything about her was beautiful, but not off putting. Pretty, but not cold.

"This one goes to Notre Dame. Why, where are you headed ?" She answered, as if she hadn't noticed my hidden agenda. Yes, at the time I was reading into it a bit much, but it was great. The fact that she'd asked me a question caught me off guard. So we chatted for a bit and she hopped in to her bus, waved at me from the window and left. Huh those were the days.

"Dom, are you ok ?" She exclaimed, staring at me, wondering where I had been. I'd just got back from the hospital, where I'd had the interview. I called it the interview, because diagnosis was too strong for me. I wouldn't have held long if I'd have called it that. Upon arriving, I sat down in the only chair in the flat and just stared out of the window, no official kiss or smile, or glance. I didn't want her to look at me, for I was alone. I didn't want her there. I'm hurting enough. She'd probably noticed my puffy eyes, and by the sound of her voice, she was worried.

I remember the first time I stared into her eyes. It was at a concert she'd invited me to. Shortly after seeing her at the bus stop, about 3 weeks afterwards, I saw her on her way to uni. She looked less elegant, for sure, but I recognised her, and seized my chance then and there. I ran up to her, and put my plan into action.

"I remember you from the bus stop right ?" Like I didn't really remember where I'd met this beautiful woman.

"Oh yeah I'm, I'm a bit late for class, maybe we can catch up later ?" She said fleetingly. Come on Dom, I thought to myself, do the deed.

"Well I know this nice place, maybe I can have you round fir a quick bite to eat and then we can go get drinks ? Maybe you could give me your phone number ?" I blurted out. No I wasn't very good at this. Yes she could tell. Yes, I got her phone number, and I did burn what I cooked for her. Despite all that, it was a great night, and a week after drinks, she took me to a concert. She looked lovely, in a black dress. Too dressed up to be sexy, but not so much as to be a saint. She was enticing, I could sense that she had more to her then this. She did.

"Yeah I'm fine honey, really"

"How was the appointment ?" Oh god, not this. I have to relive it again. The fear. The loneliness. The tragedy. The worst part about telling her was it wasn't her problem. She couldn't help, but she'd still panic none the less. So, as I told her what I was told, she started to cry. I hated seeing her cry.

I'd got a glimpse of her crying at the hospital. She only did it when she thought I was asleep. When I couldn't see. She would come on my bed with me. Hold me as she did back home. She'd take her mask of, and tell me that she loved me, kissing me on the forehead while doing so. I'd pretend to sleep, because that was how she was coping. By whispering her mind into my dying ear. Maybe she thought that she was telling my subconscious all the things she couldn't say. Maybe she wanted me to listen. Or maybe she just wanted to pretend everything was normal. She was strong for me. That made me even weaker.

"So, she thinks that I have cancer Hwamin." That word again. I hated that word. Why that word ? Can't we call it something else ? Or would that be unfair to that other word ? Why does the word get me. Cancer. In that moment she grabbed me, lay her head in my shoulder and whispered,

"We are not giving up." 

The anger and determination in her voice was a big change from normal. She was always so tender and loving. Now more akin to a soldier. She would have carried me threw it if she had to. I didn't want her to, but I needed her to.

"You have to ring your parents and tell them." Fuck, reliving it again. Three times in one day. Reliving a near death sentence. That call went as well as you could expect. However, now we had a game plan. A sort of basis to go off of. A what to do and what not to do. Most importantly, I had her by my side. 

So now the only question was, what do I do. I knew where I was heading. I knew where the journey started. I just would have liked more time to prepare for it.