disorder » styles

week eleven

on monday i wished i had never said goodbye to you

so i wrote you a letter just in case you were bored

and after i gave it to the mailman

i cried because i wish i hadn't

Dear Harry,

i'm sorry. i didn't try to ruin your life. i didn't do this on purpose. i wish i could just go back in time and change it all, but i know i fucked everything up. i pushed you away. and i'm sorry.

i wish you hadn't said anything about my father. you are the only person i trusted with my biggest secret, and you showed me just how unfaithful people can be. people will always use your secrets against you, so i shouldn't have trusted you anyway.

and you can delete me out of your life if you want,

i don't mind.

Abby.

on tuesday you called and i picked up

we listened to each other's breathing for a while and then you said:

"hi, i'm harry, and i have cancer. i'd like to talk to you if that's okay. i want to hear your breathing

because then i know you're still alive."

then you hang up.

on wednesday you called again but i didn't pick up because i was too afraid

on thursday i saw you standing outside my apartment

you stayed there for a while but i didn't open the door

on friday i mustered up the courage and i called you up

we didn't talk but i heard you breathe

so it was okay

on saturday i said i suffered from a disorder

and you told me your curls were gone

on sunday i got your letter

Dear Abby,

i love the sound of you breathing

i love the sound you make when you laugh

i love the way you listen to me

i love the way you make me feel

i love the sound of your voice

i love the dimples in your spine

i love your men feet

i love your polished nails

i love the way you say 'i love you'

i love your big eyes

i love the birthmark on your thigh

i love your brutality

your passion for writing

i love you

and i'm sorry

that evening i realised i hadn't cut for a week

because of you

***

A/N: edited!!