Chapter 1
Having sex in a car is great. But when you're both goats, it's super. Denny was a skater-goat, who could do an ollie better than any other goat at goat school (The Goat School For Fucking Goats.) Phil was a nerd. She was the only goat at goat school who knew how to count. Nerd. Together they were both goats. They bonded over their shared hatred of sheep. They thought sheep were a danger to society, with their tattoos and guns and provocative music. They would throw rocks at sheep as they would pass by, which was frowned upon but not illegal, because technically goats can't commit crimes (cuz they goats.)
Chapter 3
Denny was just about to finish, when Phil stopped for a moment. She asked him 'hey Denny, do you think when we're done bustin our nuts we could go back to your place?' Denny usually would've said no, cause he don't do no old hoes, but he was in the heat of the moment, so he said yes. Phil was happy, because she knew his farmer had a tv that could be seen from outside. She had always dreamed of watching TV. She had heard of so many great TV shows, like Jackass 3, or Jaws 3, or The Addams Family: Family Reunion, or the U.K version of the office, or the Cosby Show, or John and Kate Plus 8, or Veep. Especially veep. She knew it was bad to only use Denny for his farmer, but she knew he might be the only way she could ever see all those great programs like Oceans 11, or the Bachelorette, or the Real Husbands of Hollywood (classic patriarchy,) or Two Broke Girls, or Season 3 and on of Bob's Burgers, or anything with Hugh Laurie in it, or the Big Bang Theory, or Kyle XY, or My Babysitter's a Vampire. This was her shot. So she humped and humped and humped away until the skater-goat was done, and they took a break (#prochoice.)
Chapter 4
Denny didn't want to take Phil back to his farm, but he made a promise, and also he gave her goatmydia, so he kind of felt like he owed her (it's weird that when I typed in goatmydia it didn't register as a misspelled word. I guess nothing's holy these days.) Denny hopped back in the front seat of his rover that she knew he couldn't afford, like the tattoo on his shoulder. He pulled the sleeve right off the corner of the rock lodged in the neck of the mother sheep they murdered for sport earlier that night. And towards Denny's farm they drove. This was hard for Denny because he was a goat, and they don't know how cars work. So it was a fiasco.
Chapter 6
In honor of the 5 year old kid Denny ran over, Chapter 5 will be retired in remembrance of him.
Chapter 7
They pulled up to the farm, and were immediately caught off guard. In front of them was a sea of white. Sheep. The goats started to panic. It was dark out, and they were the only goats in the area. Phil told Denny to go see what all the hullabaloo was about, and he did (cuz he whipped.) He went over to the nearest sheep and was like, "yo homie, what's the probs". The sheep, being a graduate of Harvard Law with a minor in race relations, knew exactly what was happening. The sheep said "baaaa. You're a racist. Just because I am a sheep doesn't mean I speak that gangster slang. And for your information, we are all gathered here because a wolf stole one of the sheep mother's babies (#wolvesareprochoice) and we are all going to work together to find the baby and bring it back safely.
Chapter 8
Denny, still kind of hatin, but moved by the unity of the sheep, called out to Phil "yo bitch go home", to which Phil responded "yous a bitch", to which Denny responded with, "naw yous da bitch bitch. Your grandma succ better than you" this went on for a while, until they reached a peace, and Phil got out of the car to come help the others look for the sheep baby. She knew the faster the sheep problem was over, the sooner they could get away from the sheep and she could watch all those great TV shows like I Love Lucy, or Corey in the House, or That's So Raven, or any later season of Lost, or Pacific Heat, or Real Time with Bill Mahr, or the first 5 seasons of Family Guy, or any Robot Chicken episode. Or Veep. So they set off, in search of the baby sheep, and the wolf who stole it.
Chapter 9
They came to a stream which was too deep to cross alone. So the sheep decided to sacrifice all the sheep who voted third party, and sunk them to the bottom of the stream, so the others could cross. Denny and Phil were moved by how the sheep all worked together to murder their fellow sheep in the name of one baby sheep.
Chapter 10
They later came across a bridge in the middle of a farm (because I need another obstacle for them to overcome) that was very rickety and swayed a lot in the breeze like that one scene in Jurassic Park 2. This scene is actually the exact same as the scene from Jurassic Park 2, so just go watch that, and then you know what happened.
Chapter 11
The sheep finally came to the wolves den. They all stood together, as the pack of wolves came out. The sheep were all then slaughtered. It was a bloodbath. Even the ones who made it out alive lost a part of themselves that night. Most of them committed suicide.
Chapter 12
Denny and Phil made it back to the farm unscathed, mostly because they pushed sheep over so they could get away faster.
Chapter 13
I cannot stress this enough. There was SO much blood. It was horrific to behold. Many of the sheep were only injured badly enough that they didn't die immediately. Instead, they died from blood loss. It was just terrible.
Chapter 14
Denny and Phil got back in the car, and just kind of processed what had happened. But soon they were watching Veep outside the farmer's house like normal. Because they didn't learn anything and were still extremely discriminatory towards them and their kind.
Chapter 15
You can't unteach racism. So either don't teach it at all, or just let them learn it, so they can later run for office in a district oppressed by the loose laws against gerrymandering. Whatever. The human and goat and sheep race are all temporary and will be gone in the blink of an eye compared to the life of the universe. So go fuck yourself or go fuck another consenting adult, cause it's all just trash.
Chapter 16
Also the mother sheep that they killed was pregnant with twins.
