Mental

Damian

''This pain... so sharp it almost seems like it's cutting right through my stomach... such an excruciating feeling... That sudden pinch woke me up from my deepest hibernation, pushing me to contend with the reality i'm surrounded by, living as a captive in a hellhole. I wasn't admitted here on a fair voluntary basis. i was in fact a subject to involuntary commitment, just like the other residents here. We apparently seek only treatment, care and recovery from ''severe'' illnesses . But what illnesses do they speak of...? i gaze at my wall for what it seems the millionth time, until i slowly begin to lose consciousness once more.

The throbbing, persistent sensation begins to startle, causing my joints to ache terribly. My eyes are now wide open. I slowly force myself to sit up and gently rest my feet on the stone cold floor. There seems to be no warmth in this tiny padded cell that I have been housed in for the last... I don't even keep count of the days anymore... but it seems like it has been years. Years of restraint. Years of useless consideration that doesn't succor me in any way... In fact, i have only been getting worse. They locked us up in damp murky cells with hardly any light coming in, kept us restrained and away from the outside world, away from everything and everyone... and they expect us to recover... Sometimes i question their motive... Sometimes i wonder... if i will stay here longer than i had imagined... if this is where i will remain for good.

Everyday, i stare out of this bared and properly secured little cornered window, and try as much as i can to get a glimpse of the forest that i had heard a few speak of. It is known as the 'cursed' forest. The forest that is said to have swallowed anyone who had been brave enough to explore its secrets, to have survived massive fires, to have caused the destruction of many construction vehicles and tractors that attempted to rid of it for good. Nobody has ever come up with a convincing answer for it.

then it hits....... It was a false awakening after all. but the pain... I could have sworn it was real. Everything about it was real. I must get up, otherwise my muscles will only get tighter and stiffness will soon take over my whole body. I have already seized up, struggling to get myself to move. This could be bad....

for these past couple of weeks, i have woken up to find myself still surrounded by the same drab, grey walls. I haven't quite yet come to realize that i am, in fact, considered one of 'the mad'. ''

The wind of the next morning had still carried the last traces of a cold night. It's a new day, filled with glimmers of warmth and , a few glimmers of hope. Saber slowly forced himself up, resting his bare feet on the cold ground. Hardly any sunlight had filled the room, which gave Saber a reason to shiver and hold on to his blanket as he got up.

For a while now, i have been carrying something around with me. Though this something, may not really be a something, it is in fact a nothing. I have had nothing to carry around with me;

So many times I catch myself staring off into space with a completely blank mind.

Sometimes, I go through days like they're a complete blur... Not being able to remember a thing. To understand a thing..... To do a thing. Daylight hurts my eyes, blinds me. There's always this layer of fog surrounding me.

My life is a complete blur. it's almost like i'm separated from my reality, watching as things evolve around me as i remain hidden in my cold and murky shell. All i ever want to do is close my eyes. Without a purpose in life, without any desire or will. Just to completely shut my mind off and sleep forever. There's emptiness in my soul, and nothing can seem to fill it. I am in need of a saviour, someone to get me out of this misery.

A gently voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts, causing him to come to realization that even after attempting to get up, he was still lying there, half conscious.

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