Forgotten

Are we ready?

A couple days went by since we talked about Dean and him going to college. It's been about a week since we first saw each other and almost two since we talked about it.

I was happy Dean was home and that he wasn't going to college but everything started to come back. Every memorie of me and Dean. It upset me.

I sat at the kitchen one morning as Dean came down stairs, since he didn't have a place yet. Once Dean saw me his smile faded and he walked toward me.

"Cas. Are you okay?"

I looked up at Dean and my frown got worse. I felt bad. So so bad. Everything I did while we dated.

"No. Not really."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Dean. I'm so sorry." I looked down and I could feel tears behind my eyes. I forced them not to come out because I didn't want to do the same mistake.

"Cas what are you talking about?"

"Me being selfish."

"When were you selfish?"

"While we dated Dean! I cried all the time and made every little thing bug me. And I basically forced you to chose me over your brother when you moved. I was a selfish cry baby and I'm so sorry."

"Cas. What is making you think all this?"

"Every since you came back. Memories of us together have been coming back and there all just me being a selfish dick toward you. And here I am right now being selfish and making everything about me. It's like it's the only thing I know how to do. Make everything about me."

"Cas--."

"No! I don't know why you came back. I am happy but I can't stop thinking about every selfish thing I did. And I can't stop thinking about Sam."

"Why Sam?"

"Because my brother left me Dean. I was heartbroken. Then I wanted you to leave your brother. And---- great now here I am talking about my problems again."  I saw shaking my head as I started walking away. Dean stood up and grabbed my shoulder.

"Cas. Yes I admit you were sometimes a dick but you were also protecting our realtionship. I understand you were scared sometimes and I knew you see going through hard times."

"But that's it Dean. So did you. And you didn't cry every time something happened. You sucked it up. And I love you I really do but I can't stop----."

"Cas. Listen to me. All that was a year ago. Sam is moving out in less than a year and I'm here with you. Everyone in your family is back. Can't we just forget it? Be happy? Catch up some more? I don't care about any thing you did in the pass okay? Cause I'm here now. And if you need anything I will always be here. Understand?"

"Yeah I understand."

"Good. Now let's finally chill out and do something. Together."

"I'd like that."

--------------------------------------------

About an hour later we were sitting down and started watching a show called "Grey's Anatomy" it was a drama show about doctors. And it made me a little sick.

"Don't like the show?" Dean said with a Laugh.

"No I do. Just the blood and guts and hospital beds."

"Hospital beds? What's scary about hospital beds?" Dean said with another laugh.

"Eh just reminds me when Michael was in the hospital. I hate seeing people in those beds. I really dont want to see another person in one."

"Me either. Especially you."

"Same. I promise you'll never see me in one if I never see you in one."

"Promise."