46. Ideal_Jerk
Q: What kind of PC can sing really great?
A : A Dell
47. Dont_Trust_Ducks
A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says “Give me a beer.” The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner.
“Hey boss” he says, “there’s a horse in the bar asking for a beer.”
The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies “Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don’t know the price of beer.” So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer.
“You know,” says the barkeep, “we don’t get many horses around here.”
To which the horse replies, “At these prices I’m not surprised.”
48. trauma_kmart
A very successful attorney parked his brand new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver’s door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus with his lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life.” “How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer. The cop replied, “Don’t you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!” “OH, MY GOD!!!” screamed the lawyer. (Keep reading) * * * * “My Rolex!”
49.
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a truck.
Badum TSSS
50. omarQamar
Are you made of copper and telerium? Cause you’re CuTe!
51. MisfitHula
Olympic gymnast walks into a bar, she doesn’t get a medal.
52. SippantheSwede
This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night. There isn’t another soul on the street. Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump…bump…bump. He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him. Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.
He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump…bump…bump. The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk. He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly. BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!
He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath. Bump…bump…bump. There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.
Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…BUMP! BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!! He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP! Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin — a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp — but the coffin keeps coming!
BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down! His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!
The coffin stops.
53. matthank
This one… •I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
•When chemists die, they barium.
•Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
•A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
•I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
•How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
•I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
•This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
•I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
•I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
•They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
•This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
•I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
•A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.
•When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
•What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.
•I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
•Broken pencils are pointless.
•What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
•England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
•I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
•I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
•I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
•Velcro – what a rip off!
•Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
54. KristofferRafn
How do you organize a party in space? – You planet!!
55. the_last_hairbender
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You search for fresh prints!
56. Unlimited_Bacon
What is Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination?
HAND-EEEEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE
57. Conman316
What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear?
White Vans.
58.
Hey man you got any Sodium Hypobromite?
…NaBrO
59. allidoisquote
When’s a good time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
60.
Did ya know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans!
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lame jokes
HumorI didn't write the jokes and the name of hum wrote them are by the joke. I know there not funny that's why there are called lame jokes. and if you have any lame joke you can send them to if u want. and it does not have to be a lame joke.
