-I'm pretty sure you're gonna read this. By the time you do so, I don't want you to reconsider. I want you to remember. Wala ng SJ Macey, papakatotoo na ko hahahaaha. I won't classify this as a story, just an open letter I guess.-
I was walking alone, minding my business, out of that orange colored sky. Wonderful you came by. I was humming a tune, drinking in sunshine, out of that orange colored view. I got a look at you. My heart was beating rapidly as the sight of a wonderful girl went straight onto my eyes. I always get weak when dealing with cute people, and that's the number 1 reason I fell for you. She may not be sexy, hot, gorgeous, but in my eyes, she's a standout.
The day I met you, my world began to change. Heartaches from my past started to cease, and my heavy heart started to make room for you. We first met because you were my friend's friend, one look at you I became confident again, confident that maybe this time, pain will finally end, and love will triumphantly reign.
I asked for your name indirectly because I was to chicken to ask you myself. I forgot how we became close, but I am thanking God for making that happen. I added you on Facebook, and you accepted. I messaged you first and you instantly replied. We became friends faster than a Formula 1 and that lit up my spirit to fight. I never grew tired of talking to you even when you're teasing me. My love for you grew massively that I couldn't control it. At first I never wanted to confess, because the memory of my past reminded me of the painful tribulation.
I let my feelings slide for a while and took a hold on my studies, I aced quizzes, passed my home works, recited well in class, but something was missing. I tried avoiding the thought that you were the one causing the void in my life. Days have passed and I still feel empty, I tried doing the unthinkable of finally knowing the truth if you were the one who's causing this emptiness. I messaged you after a couple of days and I accidentally sent "I miss you", I was scared of what was going to be the outcome, but my frown went upside down when you replied, "miss you too". Series of sparks went flashing to my eyes when you said that. I was so happy that time but I never thought that, that happiness would even turn bigger when we exchanged "I love you's". I was so in love that my actions were getting a bit uncontrollable. All I could think of was you, you gave my life a hint of thunderous delight.
Weeks have passed and the sparks we used to have slowly faded into darkness. Silence and coldness broke down between us. I was sad because I thought that you finally got a clue and turned your back on me. I wanted to rebuild that spark so I bought you food, wrote you notes and letters to make you smile. I had to withstand hunger because I had no money to buy my food, and I had to walk home because all I prioritized was you. I never voiced out with me being hungry and tired because of you, all I thought that you'd love and care for me like I do to you.
A couple weeks have passed and you messaged me, as soon as the "ting" sound messenger creates I grabbed my phone to check your message, but to my surprise, you asked me to stop. Tears fell from my eyes and I couldn't control my sadness. I had to immediately divert our conversation in order for me to control the pain I was receiving. I didn't know what to do so stuffed my face onto the nearest pillow and cried like there was no tomorrow.
We never lost our cool and we still made contact, but I had to pretend that I was happy and tried my best to hide my pain with a smile. We didn't stop talking, I was happy with that. The teasing never stopped, you'd call me fat, I'd call you fat, Endless battles of which was fatter, but everyone knows its you. You kept talking to me, and it made it harder for me to move on. Months passed and the pain was still there.
The month of hearts came in and my pain grew much even more, tauntings from my friends "mag va-valentines day na wala parin kayo ni ano". I told them I didn't care, but my emotions were not coordinating with that I am saying. Then a signage popped right out of my face, "Harana". I immediately asked my friend how much I should pay and I payed her up front. The day came when the singers flocked around you and sang you a song. "You're just to good to be true, Can't take my eyes of off you. You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much."
I never knew you liked that song.
After the "Harana" I promised myself, "Tama na, hanggang diyan nalang tayo". Nothing changed and we still fought, nothing changed between us. I never took of my happy mask because inside I was still hurt.
The day had come when I officially gave up, at first I was relieved. My friend even started a moving on program for me, wherein I had to write my progress everyday. At first it was good, but when the 7th day came, my mood began to change, I was more jealous with my friends. Everyday it worsens, every night I cry my heart out.
What the hell is happening to me?! I don't want to fall for you over again. I just can't seem to let go of you, the pain is too great for me to fix alone.
This would've never happened if didn't fall for you, this wouldn't have happened if we never met, I shouldn't have been part of your problems.
I'm sorry that my stupid heart saw you.
I'm sorry that let I myself fall for you.
For now my only prayer is to be granted the ability to say that..................
"I don't love you anymore"
