Broken

Chapter 10: Desires

Lesson five: Desires. Wants. Needs.

*Sorry, the beginning is a little of.. writers block.. it gets better as it goes. I promise. Also, people don't like my books because it only involves two characters. It's not my fault... if I could get a good idea I'd do much better. Also also, a new format, I guess. Maybe to make it a little less confusing.*

"What happened last lesson, you wanted it to go further. Therefore, it was a want. You desired more. You felt like you needed more, when in reality it was only a want." And in reality, I wanted it too..he thought.

"I don't understand though, don't you-" "That's another talk for another day" He interrupted her. He knows what she was going to say, he's been going through that talk in his mind, but he just couldn't handle it right now.

"Sometimes people want something to happen.. so..they... try to make it happen. That's what.. you tried to do.." Ryan said, unsure of how to continue. "I don't know much about it but I thought it was a good lesson because of what happened before.."

"So. What I'm thinking about now... is that a desire, want, or need?" She asked him curiously.

"That depends on what you're thinking about." He replied, also curious. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing that hasn't happened before. I don't know.. just... something like..." She leans in and kisses him quickly on the lips before backing away. "That."

"Well... I believe that is a want, since you actually did it. If u wouldn't have done it it would only have been a desire."

"But what if I think it was.. a need?"

"I don't really know. I've never had that happen to me. I don't think it could possibly be a need though."

"I think it's possible. You know what else I think?" She asked him."What?"   "I think I'm safe now. You know what that means? It means I should leave..."   "You most certainly should not leave. I really really really want you to stay with me- err.. us."    "I think I'd be ok. Plus, I don't know how long I can keep up with this.."   "Keep up with what?" "Nothing...I just... don't- I would appreciate it if you'd let me leave."

"Please don't go. Could you at least stay one more night? And leave tomorrow night? Please?" He pleaded with her, making his eyes big and puffing out his lower lip. "Fine. Only if you'll stay with me."

She took his hand and pulled him onto the bed, cuddling into his chest as she did previous nights. She listening to his heartbeat and fell asleep.

                                    +             +             +

I awoke to the soft tapping against the bedroom window. It's just barely dawn. There has been a homeless dog running around lately, looks like it might be a beagle. It takes a few minutes pawing at the door and then scratches at every window in its reach, even making the effort to touch some it can't reach. It made it's way to my window and I'd love to have a travel companion.

I open the window and pick it up, scooping it into my arms. I kiss the top of its head and let it lick my face. We walk into the bathroom, taking a piece of rope on the way in. Setting the puppy down, I take off my necklace, which was originally a dog collar, and tie the string to it. After making sure the rope won't come off I put the collar on the dog.

I'll probably get a little hungry and I'll have a new friend to feed so I grab two small boxes of cereal and shove them under my jacket. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not staying. I plan to leave before anybody wakes up. It's going to hurt me far too much to have to say goodbyes to Ryan and the group of men I've come to love.

Slipping on my boots, I write a small note that read:

Dear family,

                    I'm sorry to say I could not stay any longer, knowing I would have to say goodbye. I really don't want to but I think it's time I be on my own. I picked up the dog that's been scratching at the windows so he'll be gone and I stole a few boxes of cereal. If anything happens or I get lonely or whatever, I'll know where to come. I love you guys.

                                                         -Mariaxx

I think that's about it. I had thought about kissing Ryan's cheek earlier but then decided against it, since he might wake up. That's it. I'll see them again sometime. Hopefully.

Me and my new friend Brady, that's what I've decided to call the dog, set out into the cold air, dimly lit by the slowly rising sun.