The Funniest Stuff of People of the Internet

PART ONE:THE ILL FATED

1.  Me: "Thank you for calling [Store]; can I help you find something?"

Caller: *with the heaviest accent I have ever heard in my lifetime* "I has many milks."

Me: "...I beg your pardon?"

Caller: "No, you see... I has many many milks. I am allergic to the milks and have a car that was going to do the breaking down. I buy many organic milks because the cows they eat the grass and I can drink the milks. So get many milks because cannot drive to store cause car going to break down. But after car break down, cannot drink milks! Still allergic! You need call the farm because the cows are not drinking the grass and come get many milks. They will go bad!"

Me: "Ma'am, may I ask a question. Are you lactose intolerant?"

Caller: "Very much so!"

Me: "I am, too, and if I may make a recommendation, [Brand of milk that is lactose free] will be safe to digest at a lower price than organic. Organic milk still contains lactose."

Caller: "No! The cows; they are not eating the grass! I cannot drink the milk! Call the farm!"

Me: "I'm sorry, ma'am, I cannot contact the supplier. If you search the brand on the Internet you may find their customer service number."

Caller: "Fine, now come get the milks."

Me: "We do not do home item retrieval, ma'am. You would have to bring the items to our store to return them."

Caller: "No! The car, she is broken! I cannot drive it! You come get the milks!"

Me: "Perhaps you can borrow a friend or family member's car or bum a ride from them?"

Caller: "No! You come get them!"

Me: "I cannot, ma'am."

Caller: "FINE! Get manager!"

Me: "Right away. Please hold." *goes to transfer line but she hangs up the moment I pull the phone away* "I can't believe that just happened..."

Coworker: "Please, for the love of all that is beautiful, transfer that call to me next time."

(She never called back.)

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(I am a female front desk associate working at a small hotel. This means most evenings I am the only employee on site.)

Guest: "There is a bug flying around my room. Can someone please come take care of it?"

(Note that this was an adult male. Yes, I killed the bug for him.)

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(It is around 2002. We just bought a gerbil and it is a fast one. She escapes many times. My dad is trying to access the Internet, but it won't connect. He is mostly a patient man. He calls the provider and has quite an argument with the person on the phone.)

Dad: "I checked it all! It should be working; are you sure you have done it all?"

Customer Service Desk: "Yes, sir, everything at our end is working perfectly fine. Our system is showing is that your Internet should be working."

Dad: "But it isn't! Are you really sure? Aren't you looking at our neighbours or something?!"

Customer Service Desk: "No, sir, it should be working."