Infinty Signs Are Just Eights That Couldn't Bear To Stand Any Longer

Chapter 3

cw: self-harm

From the next day on, Nikolai always joined Parker, Luke and the other two guys – it took him a few more meetings with them to actually remember their names as well – for lunch, and they always went back to the spot next to Paige's group of friends.
Whenever Paige was on the outside, Nikolai would sit down next to her. Every time they saw each other, Nikolai did something more: he started with seeking her eye contact. Then he'd smile. Whenever they sat side by side, he'd find ways to touch her. His arm would graze hers when he moved, he put his arm on the low heating they leaned against, conveniently making it look like he was putting his arm around her.
After that, he started saying quiet greetings and goodbyes. When he felt that she didn't tense around him anymore, not when they touched, not when he spoke to her, he started whispering comments to what someone said whenever no one was looking.
His personal favorite and his biggest achievement was when he made her smile.

Paige found herself making sure Nikolai could sit next to her at lunch. She enjoyed his goofy comments, his lame jokes, the accent he had when he said "hello", the warmth in his hazel eyes whenever their gazes crossed.
She knew it was dangerous to let him in, but she had craved for someone to try for a while. Besides, he already knew her secret, and he was still trying. Nevertheless, she felt like she was weak whenever she admitted to herself that she wanted him to find out, to help her – whenever she admitted to herself that she needed someone to save her.

After days of bonding in the little time they had for lunch, Paige finally asked if he wanted to do something sometime. Nikolai agreed, and they exchanged phone numbers. Their friends cast them curious looks, but even they somehow knew the relationship between Paige and Nikolai was fragile. So they waited until the two had watched movies together a few times, got food or drinks together or just walked around, and then carefully assessed the situation.
Neither mentioned how they met, both said they were becoming friends.
One day, Parker, Luke, Ian and Colton wanted to meet up with some guys Nikolai didn't know. The first day, he went with them. It was awkward, and he didn't really like the other guys as much. When he tried to add something to the conversation, one of the three other guys would talk over him like he wasn't there. Eventually, he just stayed silent, wishing he'd gone to Paige.

Paige was surprised when Nikolai didn't turn up for lunch. She'd gotten used to his presence next to her, and having someone to comment to about the surrounding conversations. She considered texting him, but she didn't want to look clingy.
Still, she could feel the dragon of anxiety start waking up, felt how the weed of sadness poked out its ugly head, accompanied by a new friend: doubt.
Would Nikolai have decided he'd had enough of her? That she wasn't what he wanted, whatever that was? At first, she didn't really think about the fact that he was friends with the jocks, or at least a few, but maybe they'd planned it all along. Why else would such a handsome guy be nice to her?
Calm down Paige, don't freak out.
She told herself she was being ridiculous: Nikolai wasn't obligated to be with her. He had his own life.
When she walked to her next class, though, she passed two of the jocks. She told herself they weren't looking at her, but then one of them opened his mouth: 'Saw your boyfriend didn't join you today. Did he finally realize you're a freak?'
The other laughed. Paige's steps slowed. The second jock turned around to yell after her: 'Maybe he found someone new!' Paige glared at them and gave them a sign even those knuckleheads would understand, which relied heavily on one of her fingers. The jocks merely laughed some more.
Paige's eyebrows twitched. No, not here. So she bit her lip, looked up at the ceiling, anything that would stop her from bursting out into tears. Just a few more hours. But those hours would be too long.
She rushed inside the toilets, thanking whatever or whoever was out there that there was a free stall, and bent over the cold white stone.
It didn't take a lot to convince the nurse to send her home after that.