I am Claire a girl with dreams and goals. I wished I could get married and work as a writer for children in Africa. But all that changed, on the first day in July. I was walking with my friends, laughing and making jokes. My friend talked about leaving home for a few weeks in the summer to go and see some part of the world and study there. My friend looked both ways and even waited for the signal to turn white. She walked to the middle of the road with me and my other friend behind her. She closed her eyes for a second and a car not even looking was coming for her. When I turned my head I couldn't just let her get hit. She had goals and dreams bigger and more important than my own. So my other friend and I ran together holding hands creating a wall for her. We turned our backs to the white and black car holding our friend tight. We pushed her away into the empty road in front of us and the car slammed into our backs. My friend's back broke in half and mine broke in many different places. You could hear the cracking of bones and tearing of limbs from anywhere near. My friend and I fell to the ground, our hands unlock, sending her to hit her face and me to hit my back again. My friend blacked out and I stayed conscious to see another car hit the white one. The white one rolled over my leg crushing everything below the knee. I couldn't walk and the pain made it hard to breathe. After that everyone ran to us, seeing my friend unconscious was the hardest thing to endure but seeing my other friend safe made me smile. I soon fell unconscious from the blood lose. But people tell me that I spoke about the crash even in the ambulance. My friend rode in the same ambulance as me and the safe one followed close behind in a car behind us, so I am told.
I soon wake in the hospital with my back taped and my body aching. My parents are surrounding the bed as well as my friends from school. My eyes open slowly and painfully as I look to see my friend talking to her family. I had fallen into a black hole later than my friend and therefore woke from it sooner. I slowly sat up in the strangely comfortable hospital bed.
"Claire hey, how are you? Is there something we can get you?" My mom said by her side my stepdad Lance Caldwell. My mom and dad split up soon after I turned seven and soon after their divorce my father was killed by a man who was later caught and charged with murder and a life in prison.
"I would like some water, if you don't mind." I stopped when a pain arose from the side of my back. "Ow"
"Water of course. Lance can you look after her while I get the water?" My mom has a tendency to get nervous in rocky situations. Lance is the one who usually calms her down and I love him like a father, and I loved my real dad too.
"How are you my sweets? You seem to be more talkative than what the doctor had originally thought."
"Thanks Lance you always know how to make a girl smile. Did I make mom nervous? I don't want to make her so nervous to the point of her holding my hand again like kindergarten."
"You definitely made her nervous but she knows why you did it. We got you a gift." Lance pulls a gift wrapped in paper of emojis and hands me it with caution and nerves himself.
"you know you didn't have to do this." I lift my arm slowly to tear the paper when I see some type of sweatshirt. I was a huge supernatural fan, not the show the supernatural in general. The sweatshirt had names of many of the supernatural beings I have studied, in books and on the internet. Encased in the sweatshirt itself was a letter from my older brother Jermey who was in the marines. When he turned eighteen a two years ago he decided to give back to mom by going to the marines and make money. He rarely comes home and is rumored to be
discharged in the next year. I miss him so much. I miss him teasing me and keeping me from trouble but we never really fought over long periods of time and we would protect each other. I opened the letter that was wrapped in a blue and green envelope, my favorite colors, and read the beautiful or some what relaxing words inside.
dear Claire,
I am sorry I haven't been around and I miss you too. I heard about insident, and I want you to know that I sent pictures with this letter for you to remember me. I left you with nothing of me when I left and that's my fault. But I hope seeing you next I will be able to finally fill the hole in my heart from not seeing and annoying you day and night. Merry christmas, happy new year, happy Easter, and happy everything I have missed over the past two years because I also have a surprise for you.
Jermey
"wow two surprises in one day, how could have I gotten so lucky? At least now I will have pictures of Jeremy." I set the gifts on the table next to me, to only get a glimpse of the doctor as he walks through the door. He comes with his white coat and a clip board and a nurse that looked like she would rather die than deal with another patient.
"Well Claire, it seems you took a nasty hit to the back, which broke most of the vertebrae and shattered some of your vertebrae. Now your leg was shattered, everything in it was broken and torn and going in to fix it was going to be hard. When we went in we found more damage than we originally had expected. We thought that your nerve endings were in tack but when we went in we found that the tears in your tendons had torn more than once and at most of the nerve endings. We could not fix your leg and with the permission of your parents and and now you I am hoping that we can amputate it. It will cause more pain as it is and fixing it does nothing but look good, it probably could never be used again even with a miracle. Now do I have your permission ?" I looked around the room hoping to see an answer but the one things I didn't want to have choose between was on my lap not anyone else's. I found no answer in anyone's eyes, I found support and happiness in whatever I choose but I had choose between my leg or pain. I turned to the doctor trying not to look too scared but not too angry or sad.
"You have my permission. But will I ever walk again, without it?" I was worried about what people might think back at school. I come in with a leg that's some what in tack and not another, I come in with a wheelchair and have to have help to classes, to get my books. I looked over to my friend, she had a neck brace around her neck and a cast on her arm. She was going to stay in the hospital two nights but the doctor changed it to over night. I didn't know how long I would be in here after my surgery or what i would do when I get out. All I knew is that I didn't want to be abnormal but I should have thought of that when I ran in front of a moving car.
"With a prosthetic you will walk again. And after the surgery it will take about a month to two to heal and after then we will start fitting for the prosthetic."
"Will I be going to school?" I asked starting to be worried about what my friend might think, what my teachers will think.
" Yes we will provide a wheelchair for the time being and when you are used to the prosthetic and know how to use it on your own than it will be used twenty one seven." The doctor leaves the room. I sit there with awe on my face trying to I figure what I am going to do. I don't want to be looked at as the girl who lost her leg, I want to be known at the girl who went to Africa and made a difference in children's lives. As the day went on my thoughts became more and more dreadful. I started to regret saving her but at the same time I can't imagine how much worse it would have been for her if we both hadn't stepped in.
Later that day I was sent into a four hour and thirty minute surgery to remove my leg. The surgery itself was supposed to be grueling for me when I woke but I was too out of it to notice. I am back in the room drinking water and eating and trying not to be so tired after the amnesia when I notice my friends walk through the door. My friend, Candice, came walking in, she helped me save our friend Amanda. Amanda also walked in with her boyfriend Drew. I sat up with a smile and covered my leg so they wouldn't see how different I looked.
"Hey how are you feeling?" Candice came by the bed saying this and putting her hand on the bed.
"I am ok. I just came from a surgery and I should be coming back to school soon. How are you? Do you feel better being out of the hospital?"
"I definitely love being back home in my own bed and seeing everyone at school. Come on Amanda she won't bite." Amanda comes walking in nervously with Drew. Drew was one of the jocks, one of the better ones. He and I are good friends and when I was some what normal he was the one I hung out with secretly in the summer. He is such a good guy and I know he wouldn't hurt any of my friends, I knew he was a good one. I don't think Amanda knew about our friendship at this point, she only thought that we knew each other through her, when they are together because of me. We met through mutual friends and then we became friends and I recommended he talk to her. Drew sat by the other side of bed and Amanda sat with Candice.
"How are you? I have heard so much about you from Amanda."
"Amanda seems to really talk about her friends a lot." The conversation between him and i became incredibly awkward as we had to make it seem like we barely knew each other. When in reality i think i know Drew better than Amanda does.
"So anyway your father told us that you lost something, but he didn't specifi what that was." Candice doesn't usually like the awkwardness between Drew and i and she would say anything to break the silence or awkwardness.
"Oh i was trying to avoid that but i guess you will know soon anyway." I lift the covers up over my leg showing one full leg and the other only a stub with a bit of skin and then the knee. Everyone backed from the bed in shock not knowing my injuries were so severe. Drew was the only one to stay so close to the bed, he jumped but he was the closest to me. I don't think anyone was expecting that.
"I didn't , how did, how?" Amanda struggled to find the words, while Candice and Drew sat in silence.
"After the initial hit another car came and pushed the car onto my leg. It crushed it from the outside in and the leg couldn't be saved and if even if it could there would be no use considering it couldn't ever be used, either way i would have lost the ability in my leg." I turned to the wall letting the red cheeks show through but the tears needed to stay dry. Amanda came to the bed side where Candice stood. She placed her hand next to me, which surprised me enough to turn my head.
"I did this, if i would have been paying any sort of attention you and Candice wouldn't be banged and in pain, this is my fault." Amanda looked as thought she had been drained of every emotion and all was left was dipair and regret. I put my hand on hers hoping to signal that this wasn't her fault to show that this was nothing more than one small casualty when there could be one terrible, awful, heartbreaking, and breathe taking death casualty if they hadn't taken the small casualty.
"You couldn't be more wrong Amanda. This was a minor casualty when there was a life at stake. Yeah sure it might have been stupid to send two people in there but then two people could share the burden of the impact. As long as I saved one life, my leg doesn't matter and it never will."
"Claire you have another visitor, one reserved for family only." Lance says walking into the room and quickly leaving, leaving suspiticions as to who it could be by the door waiting. Candice and Amanda left first talking about things at school and things, while Drew sat for a few more seconds saying nothing and smiling. I look at him confused wondering what was going through his head but then again I don't necessarily want to know what goes on in there. I finally say something wanting so eagerly to know what he was so amused about.
"What are you thinking?" I push his shoulder back in the chair playfully.
"I'll tell you next time I can actually explain it." Drew stands and kisses me on the forehead, as he usually did before I left or the other way around. "Get better crazy." Drew says leaving the room with a backwards wave.
The room became mysteriously quite as I was alone in a room meant for two but now feeling empty with one. I could hear whispers from outside the door but I ignored them and looked at the note my brother had sent me. I was one of those people to analyze but not over analyze the situation. I wanted to know what Jeremys surprise was what it could be when just hearing from him was overwhelming enough. As I read through the note another two times always stopping at the part about the surprise when a man that looked similar to my father walked in. I thought it was the doctor so I chose to keep looking down. But the figure never fully entered the room and just stayed in the doorway. I still chose to keep my head down making my eyes stick to the words sincerely and Jeremy. Then the figure spoke.
"So I hear my sister got into a bit of a situation with a car. I come all this way to see this little burger and yet she won't look up." My jaw drops and a smile shows on my face as I slowly lift my head from the letter. I was overwhelmed loving the fact my brother still had to turn everything into a joke, not even war could change him. He walked over to me as my arms were extended towards him wanting a hug. He in his uniform got down on one knee and hugged me in the bed.
"Not even war could make the world more serious to you. Did you ever think maybe I should've written to my family, let us know you were ok? I missed you and the wonder of weather you were alive was immense in a night mare." I was trying to make a point I don't know if I used all my words correctly but I don't care.
"I did but to write to you and tell you I was ok might have tempted me to tell you where I was and I wasn't allowed to do that. But look at you I leave when your thirteen and I come back and your joining the fight yourself." Jere pauses loosing a bit of his smile. "Are you ok? Lance told me about your leg."
"Oh he did? I am fine it really was a minor casualty compared to what could have happened." I sat back into the pillow letting it swallow me.
"What went through your head Claire? I mean courage like that doesn't come to the average bear. What were you thinking?" Jeremey before dad died spent almost the entire summer with him and even most of December. Dad lived in Austin, Texas and Jere picked up on the accent and sometimes his accent comes forth in his speech. Like now on the words What were you thinking?
"I was thinking that my friend had aspirations that surpassed my own therefore giving her a more valid role in society. So basically if she died how would anything she wanted become real. I thought that this was something I could do to save not myself but my friend and the one I would die for." I didn't know why this came to mind, probably because it was the truth but I didn't remember weather or not it was. I think Jeremy was taken back by my answer not thinking so much thought went into the action and that I had so much time to think my decision through. He remained silent for a moment leaving a worrying feeling in my stomach, almost like an exam worrying feeling or awaiting possibly good and possibly bad news. He finally took a breathe like he was going to speak and the butterflies went away sending a warm feeling down my spine.
"I don't understand how your thought process made an accurate decision with such a little amount of time to think about this. You were standing in the middle of the cross walk, watching as the car was racing towards her, and you thought about all of this and making a human wall with your friend, and actually having time to step in front of her. How? The world doesn't provide that much time." There was something unsaid in his tone. Maybe war did change him, maybe it left a bullet hole unseen on the surface. He knew too much for an experience i alone endured but maybe I didn't do it alone.
"The world is a mysterious place, leaving and taking things without explanation. The world in this sense, at least to me moved in slow motion letting me capture every picture and every moment of it. I remember it like some person painted it in my memory not letting me forget. But i got to save my friend and I didn't die in the process. For someone who experienced war i would think you would understand." The doctor came in as the last syllable from the last word rolls off my lips. He brought the wheel chair and a nice cup of coffee like i had asked for the previous day around this time. Jeremy stood again but this time speechless with nothing to ask or say. He watched as i learned how to use my wheelchair and going home when my arms were tired he pushed me out the door, helped me into the car, helped me out, pushed me into the house and still never said a word. My mom and Lance were close behind seeing as both of us never actually spoke in front of them. For some reason i felt anger riding another horse of truth. I was angry with Jeremy for not writing to me, for not understanding, and for not excepting the answer and the truth. My bedroom, thankfully, was already on the first floor while mom and Lance's room was upstairs. Jeremy's old room was by mom's and he always got in trouble for staying up late because mom could hear the video games and videos he was playing and watching. I on the other hand never got caught and even talked to my friends on the phone. I didn't know weather Jeremy was staying or if he had to leave soon after we got home, i guess this also fueled a bit of the anger and feed the horse because I didn't know the truth.
"Jeremy can you please empty the dryer!" That sound from the upstairs directed at Jeremy brought memories back. With him here mom had already fallen into old habits. She for some reason never asked me to get the laundry or to cook, that was all Jeremy's job and when he left mom had to aquifer a lot of money for pizza after failed attempts at cooking.
"Yeah mom sure." He came out from the kitchen and obeyed her for the first time in two years. Usually he was reluctant to what she asked but again that tone and obedience may have come from the marines but i think its more than that.
"Mom is there something i can do for you?" I yell upstairs unable to get up and down them.
"No sweet heart all i need is the laundry. By the way your friends are supposed to stop by in an hour and your teacher sent me your work, for someone who has been out a week and two days you haven't missed much." My mom thinks she is funny when sometimes you just laugh to humor her.
"Who exactly is coming over?"
"Candice, Amanda, and Drew. It surprised me when he asked you guys don't hang out like you used to." I looked over my shoulder and saw Jeremy beginning to fold the cloths. He had changed from his uniform into his cloths from his closets that were now too big for him. I rolled over there and stopped the wheelchair, he didn't notice. I started to pick up and fold the cloths, it seemed I worked a lot faster and neater than he did.
"What are you doing? You should be doing school work or calling your friends or something not folding cloths." Jeremy sounded infuriated by me trying to help.
"I am not helpless, just because i am in a wheelchair and because I lost my leg means i am going to sit around and cry over something i cant fix. You don't need to hover over me and make sure my bottle is warm. I may now be disabled physically but i still have a brain." I drop the cloths in my lap and rolled to the door of my room pushing it open quickly making the door hit the wall. I started to speak to myself in tongues that only i could understand. I became angry not wanting to do anything not even see my friends.
i didnt understand why Jeremy couldnt see past my disability, why he couldn't grasp that i was truly no different i was just missing part of the old me. Jeremy comes to the door to find me turned into the corner crying.
"Claire i am sorry i didnt mean anything by what i said." Jeremy comes through the door and tries to touch my shoulder. His hand reaches my shoulder, it felt cold, i pushed it off me and turned to him quickly and scaring him a bit. "Claire?"
"Get out." Said quietly, he was unable to hear my voice and the only thing that hit his tiny ears was a whisper and a murmur. He looked confused and just stood there very still. "Get out!" I ran the wheelchair close to his feet almost crushing them. "I was actually happy to see you. I thought maybe i could get through this, that I wouldn't regret my decision. And i didnt until you walked into the room Jeremy. I dont care about my leg but it seems i am nothing to you without it. So go and finish the laundry, don't expect dinner to be pleasant." I slammed the door in his face. All i wanted was to be alone, the pain of the surgery, the accident it was all coming back to me like a wave of memory.
i pulled myself onto the bed, the bed submerged me making the room feel warmer and unfreezing the cold memories welling up inside me. I looked at the ceiling playing music in my head. Another knock came to my door, it was unlocked and i didnt feel like getting off the bed. "It's unlocked." I scream not really caring who it was. I return to the ceiling finding shapes in the grooves of the ceiling tiles and making a story from them. I turned my head and again i saw Jeremy. I sat up and looked at him angrily. "I told you i dont want you in here." I said receiving no answer. I sit there and look at him for a few minutes, i was confused and i wanted him gone, but i knew as soon as he was gone i would want with me so left him where he was. Then he spoke with a very serious voice.
"I had a friend in the army. She was just like you, wanted everything in the world for those she loved including giving her life for them. Then one day she was sent to australia to do some inspecting and she came back with snake bites all over her legs. Her legs became useless and she had them amputated. They were going to discharge her but she got prosthetics and went back to work. I begged her to go home and rest but she wasn't having it. So I watched her as she became more and more tired more and more different. Then when she finally went to war again. She was behind a wooden beam and another friend of hers was not in line to see the bullet but she saw it. She had to decide what to do and when she finally did it was too late. But then she came back and me and her were sent out together. She came back from that war torn in half as she had watched many people die and her friend was so young and so willing to die when my friend wasn't ready to let her go. Anyway we got there and immeadeatly there is a bullet fired. I saw the bullet heading towards her and I was left in the same position. I tried to push her out of the way but she fell and hit the back of her head. It was cut open with blood beginning to cover my hands and making me more venerable. So i left her there to die alone, the last thing i remember of her is her reaching for me to stay but I left her. And when i went back to find her she was gone, nothing was left not even blood came from her head anymore. Thats why I wanted to know how someone so young could make a life threatening decision so quickly and still perform it well. That's why it was weird to get the call about you." Jeremy seemed more hurt than I had ever seen him. His head was basically in his hands while telling the story and his eyes wanted to cry but i knew he wouldn't. I missed this side of Jere you didnt get to see a lot of this.
"Jere i am not going off to war anytime soon. I am simply here with something i have to live with." I put my hand on Jeremy's shoulder and rubbed his shoulder as he rubbed his eyes with his hands while his lowered head became more and more angry or sad, i couldnt tell. He interrupted me and looked quickly at me with eyes that would pierce your soul.
"I am not worried about you leaving and going to war Claire, i am worried that you are going to be left alone to die." Jeremy couldnt hold in emotion anymore. He burst into tears and let them fall into his lap.
"You loved your friend didnt you? She reached for you because she loved you and you loved her. You fell in love, you fell in love." I became envious, i wanted what he had. I wanted to be Jeremy, but i couldn't be envious now this is my brother, he deserves it while i got what i deserved.
"I was planning to come home and let her meet you guys and announce our engagement. But before we had the chance this happened, and i was discharged after that. I wont go back, i cant." Jeremy said this looking at the blue wall in front of him.
"You should have come home sooner than that, at least once. I was left alone to die and now bringing me back is going to be a challenge so dont think that any of this changes what you said. It's going to take a lot more than an apology and some weird story about the love of your life. I didnt need this i need my brother, but i dont even have him in my corner." I pull myself into the wheelchair and rolled out of the room leaving Jeremy there crying. I rolled into the garage and sat there in the middle and listened to the outdoors without being in the outdoors. I could still hear Jeremy crying and riding in pain. To be honest i didnt care because that's how i felt and that's how i feel when people do what he did. And think i am going to school tomorrow imagine what i am going to say, it might not be pretty on either side.
A soft knock comes to the door. My mom opens the door and invites my friends in. She smiled at them and happily closed the door behind them. Drew, Amanda, Candice they all stood in the middle of the living room as my mother tried to find me. After a few minutes i rolled myself up the ramp. I put on a smile and went into he living room. There they all smiled when i rolled into the room, Amanda was the only one to look away when i came in but she still smiled. They sat on the couch and i was on the other side of the coffee table. Then Candice spoke.
"You are starting school tomorrow that awesome."
"Yeah i guess. What has happened sense i have been gone anything exciting?" I ask moving to the edge of my seat.
"Well some of the bullies started picking on this new kid Rodger. He has a prosthetic arm and they would tease him about how he is a robot and making him feel conscious about who he is. Then another thing is that mrs Clearwater is getting married. She invited me to her wedding and i think she is going to invite Drew and you." Candice loved weddings and she hoped one day to plan them for a living, and see how they unfold and are just beautiful. I knew how much going to weddings meant to her but i hated weddings every one i have been to went up into flames but i will go to support her, when i have the prosthetic foot.
"That kind of sucks for that new kid Rodger. What about you Amanda what's new?" I ask trying not to burst into sudden tears. Jeremy walked by looking angry and wanting to hit something. I looked away quickly not paying attention to him, i didnt know why i was so angry, probably because i wanted to be normal and what he said made me feel otherwise. Amanda begins to speak in a sh voice, i didnt understand why.
"Nothing really. Drew and i have been going out after school and hanging out in clubs. I am beginning to tutor other kids with special needs but they always seem to infuriate me. Do you have any suggestions? I know how much you love kids, how much this stuff didnt bother you." I was kind of hurt by what she said. I think she had other motives behind her words but it's not like everyone could except my new status not even me.
"Drew,anything to add to anything new?" I said beginning to pick up on the intensity between Drew and Amanda. They seemed more of the couple that would come home and fight with each other because Amanda felt that Drew was seeing someone else while Drew wanting anything but to be in the same room. I wanted to talk to Drew but Amanda had him around her twenty four hours a day.
"Well um Amanda and i have hung out, i have been staying home and well my tv has been my friend." Amanda gave him a look, like she if not for everyone in the room she would hurt him. Drew couldnt look Amanda in the eye and he wouldn't look anywhere but the floor. I wanted to jump out of my chair and walk over to him but that's a fantasy and a dream. I began to loose my smile and my happy tone and i just wanted to look at the ceiling and drift into a deep sleep.
Candice took the first chance she got ad said "What's new with you, Claire?"
"Nothing really, sitting in a hospital bed, talking to my brother, and sitting in a wheelchair and getting used to not being able to walk. I am glad that all of you came to the hospital and came here but i really just want to be alone. If you dont mind i would like you to leave my house." My throat began to choke up with muscus and my eyes began to release water called tears. Everyone in the room looked confused but i was quite sure i wanted them to leave.
"Did we say something Claire?" Candice asked holding her hand to her chest and sounding sincere but so was i.
"Please just get out of my house." I rolled into my room not noticing weather the door opened or not. At one point there was silence about thirty minutes after I told them to leave, i knew then that they had left. I grabbed my phone and texted one person. I knew i needed one friend one person to talk to and this was the only one i felt that i could trust.
ME: hey i am sorry about earlier i just wanted to be alone and not hear Amanda's alternative motive behind every word. I am so sorry and i understand if you dont respond.
i waited by my phone for two hours. I listened to the crickets and i listened to the sound of my brother playing video games upstairs. My friend never answered, i went to sleep thinking i was walking into school tomorrow with no one, with no friends and as the girl who lost her foot. They will say I was stupid enough to fall into a cutter and loose my leg therefore i lost everything. They will tease me and make abnoxious comments without even knowing the true story. I fell asleep holding my phone and when it went off I jumped four feet int he air.
i woke to the vibrating sensation of my phone on my chest. My friend texted back so early i thought he was in trouble. The bright light of my phone made my eyes squint but after opening my phone my eyes adjusted.
DREW: dont worry about it. Yesterday Amanda didnt even want to come, she thought it was stupid and she told me only a few days ago that she didnt want to have a friend with that on their head. I understand wanting to be alone and while everyone was confused i just wanted to leave you alone, like you asked.
ME: thank you. I really wanted to talk to you but you know Amanda. I hate pretending like this, i wish i could just talk to you without her being up my tail. Anyway you seemed down yesterday what going on?
DREW: my parents are fighting again.
ME: i am sorry that must not feel too good.
DREW: and Amanda lied we haven't hung out in over two weeks alone. I always bring a friend along so i dont have to hear about how you were being a bitch and faking everything. I didnt realize Amanda could be so cruel.
ME: she said i was faking? I didnt know she could be so cruel either, because then i might not even be in this situation. Did she ever tell you she felt bad about Candice and i? I mean Candice is in a neck brace for her."
DREW: she always talks about how guilty she feels about Candice but she always talks shit about you. I dont think she realizes how much you actually did.
ME: thanks and i am sorry about your parents, if you ever need anyone to talk you can come to me.
DREW: same to you.
ME: see you i guess.
DREW: are you ok??
i didnt answer, i sat up completely and grabbed my wheelchair. My phone fell to the ground as i rolled away from it, out of my room and into the dark kitchen. I looked at the time and it was three hours before i was supposed to wake up for school. I sat at the table and felt the cold air brush against my skin, i felt the cold table underneath my skin, and i heard the small creeks that came from the house. I crawled down from my wheelchair and used my upper body and one working leg to push myself to grab my phone which was getting cold on the floor. I did the same coming back but this time my phone was tightly in my short pocket and it was a lot harder to get into the wheelchair than to get out of it.
i opened my phone again and this time i looked at my instagram account. I hadn't looked at it sense the accident so almost three weeks. I saw posts on Candice's profile wishing me well and hoping i get better, same with drew and many teachers and students from my school. But i looked at a photo i had posted a couple months ago. The comments made my mouth drop open and made every thing i had heard from Drew come to light. People i didnt even know posted things like this on a photo of me and my mom in Punta Cana:
"look when she was pretty and could stand on her own two feet"
"When she was so gorgeous and goals and now she is nothing, what a shame"
"How did she go from this to dirt, nothing." Someone replied to this one.
"I mean look at her mom, its in her jeans."
I looked at a different photo i took with a kid from a cancer treatment center. I volunteered there in the summer and the boy had kept in touch and now we have each other's number's. but what people said about me made my lungs want to stop working.
"Look what she is going to look like when she comes back."
"When she comes back no, she looks like that now."
"Someone so gorgeous fell to the ugliest low. She is a demon and all she wants is pity."
"She thinks she is cool because she hangs out with Drew and i but really is a nobody."
"And to think this is her boyfriend in the future, pucker up ladies."
Another photo of a throwback between me and my brother.
"Oh my gosh her brother is so hot and a military man sign me up. But to think he has to hold his ugly sister now, what a loser she is compared to her brother."
"Look at that the beast has changed sex, from male to female."
"Who could ever look her in the face and honestly tell her i love her?" Someone replied to this one.
"No one can look her in the face now, if they want to tell her they love her they are going to have to sit in her lap."
i dropped my phone on the table and the corner of the screen cracked. My heart began to freeze as the air in my lungs began to leave my body. My struggles for air woke my brother. He came running down the stairs to find me hunches over, my head in my hands, and elbows on the table. He froze for a moment, watching his sister in so much pain served as a reminder to what he lost but it frightened even more that if he wasn't careful he would loose me too.
Jeremy came running to my side. He kneeled beside me and tried to get me to look at him. I kept pushing his hand away from me but he kept trying, he wouldn't leave me. Then he finally turned my wheelchair towards him, my head lowered in between my shoulders and the tears hit my skin. He pushed my head up with two fingers. His eyes met mine and i began to cry harder, but more silent than anything. He picked me up from my wheelchair and carried my in his arms to the couch. And he whispered into my ears.
"What's wrong little sis? I am here and i cant make it go away if i dont know what i am making go away." I looked at him confused. I knew those words, that was something dad would say to me if i began to cry, if i began to become upset. He would call me lil muffin but Jeremy called me lil sis. For some reason this gave me my breathe back and this stopped my tears enough for me to speak.
"Didn't dad say that?"
"Yeah, it was the only thing that kept me from going insane." Jeremy smiled which then made me smile. He again looked me in the eye. And he asked "What's the matter lil sis?"
"Um i found out that the people i thought were my friends, the ones i lost my leg for actually aren't my friends." I snuffled up what was made in my nose from the tears and looked at him with eyes that were again holding back tears. I bit my lip trying hard not to cry or worse make noise.
"How?" He asks setting me down on the couch.
"Drew. He texted me about fourth minutes ago and he is actually dating the girl. Then i went into my media account and i found hurtful comments that i didnt think people would say about someone they thought was a hero." I let tears fall from my eyes as my head lowered again.
"Can i see these messages?" I nodded and pointed my my phone on the table. Jeremy walked to the table and carried it back to the couch. He sat next to me and faced forward looking at the phone screen. "What's your password?"
"Uh four, fourteen, fourteen"
"The date i left for the army?"
"I thought you looked at my phone for the comments not the passcode."
"Alright." He opened the phone and looked at the first photo's comments. His smiled began to disappear as he read further and further. He kept pressing on new photos and finding new reasons to fuel his anger. Then he was finished when he clicked the picture of me and my mother. The comments about mom and me made his anger grow beyond comprehension. He put the phone on the table and turned to me with a serious face, something i only saw in his military photos. "Who is saying this, about you, about mom? Who in the world would ever think you cut off your own leg for attention, or do it to be a fake, to get attention? Jumping in front of a car is serious and if they think you are joking then i have something to say about it."
"Jeremy i dont know. These are all people from my school, people my "friends" know and all my true friends besides Drew are angry with me at the moment. I would really like to know who these people are but i cant find out without going through everyone in the high school."
"I am going to school with you tomorrow. I will be going for the first couple of weeks in uniform and if anyone has anything to say they have me to deal with."
"Jeremy."
"Claire i am not asking." Jeremy got up from the couch and walked upstairs leaving me on the couch with my phone. I sat and watched as many more comments like the others rolled in as many more people woke to go to school. I turned my phone off after two more hours of watching it. I turned to the tv and turned it on and waited for mom and Lance woke to make me breakfast.
