The Judge's Blessing (boyxboy)

Both Ways (First Night of Winter Break, 12th Grade)

When all the crap broke out around Asher's birthday and he was forced from the closet at school, he wondered if Christmas that year would ever arrive. High school had come close to breaking him. Sure, Asher had made it through, albeit barely—and he had done so in the course of shucking the lies, the image of perfection, and the testing of his friendships, the testing of himself.

And he found, much to his amazement, his friends really did have his back. It took time for him to break free of his paradigm of lying, but they understood and appreciated his efforts, and they helped him along as much as they could—and as much as he would accept. Still, it took time and effort.

That he hadn't lost Danny, his boyfriend, he thought a miracle. The hurt that Danny had borne on Asher's account pained Asher every time he thought back to that grim time in September. He so wished he could just forget those days—or relive completely his time at Clifford Heights High--and yet he knew that that time would be among the key days defining his life moving forward.

Danny also made clear that he understood Asher's pain, and much as Asher felt guilty for inflicting pain on Danny, so too did Danny vow to help Asher surmount his own pain. As they say, love conquers all.

Danny and Asher were no longer 14 with the innocent love of those just starting their journey into adulthood. Yet as they matured and bonded, they began to construct a life together. Unlike many of their classmates, they took that task with a seriousness catching the attention of just about everyone they knew, even as they were themselves unaware of that attention. It became clear that each was making a long-term commitment to the other. They were playing for keeps--neither could imagine adulthood without the other. When Danny's father Dale asked his son about the process and how much effort it was consuming, Danny replied that while the process consumed far more time and energy than he and Asher had thought when they started, considering that they were doing so for the rest of their lives, it was simply a good investment that would eventually pay large dividends. Dale found the argument difficult to contest.

By the time the Christmas break began, Asher's efforts in changing his behaviors at school and at home were starting to pay off. He was now relaxed when with friends, enjoying their company as he found it far easier to be accepted for whom he was, not whom he thought they wanted him to be. Gone was the drunken banality of the high school Bacchanalia.

He also found new friends; in some instances, like with Damian, Danny's best friend, those he had previously seen as threats. He came to understand how much Danny wanted and needed Damian in his life, and Asher also came to accept that presence. It didn't hurt matters when Danny constantly harangued him about Damian being straight and consequently not terribly appealing as boyfriend material. After a while, Asher got the message and said as much to Danny. 

At some point during the week before Christmas, Asher began to take stock of the semester. It had been a tumultuous one. He was struck by the changes in himself, his personality, his perception of the world. He had begun to feel in many ways what he was like back when he was 14 , not 17.

Along the way, he began to see just how many of those changes he owed to Danny—Danny's kindness, his intuition, his love. He was grateful for Danny's love and attention, but he felt horribly guilty when he couldn't think of what he had done for Danny. It was as though he was getting a free ride. And Asher knew that a one-sided relationship wasn't going to last long. He grew increasingly concerned. One thing he had noticed about the "new Asher": He saw a lot of things the old one missed—and the one-sidedness that his relationship with his boyfriend had taken on was one of them. And it bothered Asher immensely.

One night that week, after noticing Asher's increasingly foul mood, Asher's father asked Asher what was bothering him so. Asher explained his concerns about his relationship with Danny becoming one-sided—Danny giving and Asher taking. He didn't like that at all. What, Asher challenged his father, what did he bring the relationship? It was now almost all Danny.