Keeping It Awkward

8

Growing up in the very very early years of my life it was just my sister, my mother and I. My father and my mother had separated prior to me being born and then officially separated about a month after I came onto this spinning pile of shit. I mean like full on divorce with the lawyers, a judge, and some other irrelevant people. You would probably think that wow this kid has gone through it all but no. No, I haven't, although sometimes it feels that way with everything I've endured. Getting up for school every morning since I was five. Lets not even get into me having to get surgery on my right eye at age 5 and getting stitches on my forehead at the same age as well. I mean I haven't been through it all, but like I said it sure does feel like it.

So I'm going to tell you one of the first childhood stories I can remember from when I was 3. And I know y'all are thinking, "there is no way he can remember something from when we were 3." Well, I can because I listened to Mozart in the womb so I'm pretty much a funny genius. Like I was saying it was just my sister, my mom and I at the time and boy were we a hot mess. And of course when I say "we" I am referring to my sister and myself. I mean we would do everything as children. I remember at age 3 my sister pushed me down the last three steps of the stairs while we were playing. She didn't hurt me or anything, I just rolled back and let it happen. It was almost like letting out my inner rolly polly bug. Except without the rolling and more of a bouncing motion. So kind of like a basketball but with flesh I guess. I mean to make matters worse I would get up and do it again for my own personal enjoyment. Clearly, I didn't know that this would affect me forever. Not in a bad way,  just like a seriously messed up in the head kind of way. I stopped bouncing down the stairs after a while because I realized that it hurt and also because it took a lot out of me. So my sister and I found a new way to have fun. We would jump from the couch to the coffee table and back. Keep in mind this was like a 5ft jump for two little children.

We were crazy, though, we would keep doing these things like it was natural for us to do it because it was. Anyways after a while, I found myself bored of these activities and would just play with anything around the house like knives, blow torches, the neighbor's dead cat, and my sister. Not like in a bad incest way cause that would be weird and creepy, but like in a friendly brother-sister way. My sister and I were pretty close growing up. We would take baths together, sleep together, try to push each other over railings. You know the usual brother-sister stuff. Anyways we were super close growing up and we still are, even though my sister is in college. But I remember being in 8th grade and I was caught jerking off to guys. 

*Pro-life tip: If you're going to jerk off to anything make sure the volume isn't blaring and make sure you clear the browser first.

Anyways my sister caught me as I was exiting the browser, which ended up freezing so it was like god giving a great big F**K YOU to my face. So then we had a very weird and awkward conversation. Like more awkward than you aunt asking you if she looks fat in something before going out. Especially when she knows you're a horrible liar so you just answer everything like you were hit by a bus and then you just sound stupid cause you keep talking so you don't sound mean. So my sister was like,

Dominique: Jadon, are you gay?

Me: Shaw Nah Nah, I like girls.

Dominque: Okay cause if you are like that's not a big deal, just don't pretend to be someone you aren't your entire life.

I found myself having somewhat deep conversations like this with my sister a lot up until her death. She didn't actually die but she started college and was talking like a million credit hours. So I never got to talk to her, but anyways I knew that I was gay, I was just in denial. People already were calling me gay, faggot, homo, and Lady Gaga (which wasn't really insulting cause she queen and a meme. She is a meme queen.) People always asked me "Jadon are you gay?" and every time I would say no because I knew I would be judged for who I truly was. Anyways I really didn't need to come out because everyone knew before me. Towards the end of my 8th-grade year, I asked out one of my friends out and it went something like this.

Me: Hey so can I ask you something?

Girl-Friend: Yeah what's up.

Me: I really like you a lot and I want to date you. I have liked you for so long you are the peanut butter to my jelly and the booger to my nose and snot and sickness. Not to say that you make me sick even though you do. Well, you did once but that was in fifth grade and you were sick and then you got me sick. Anyways Please date me.

Girl-Friend: No I'm not looking to date anyone right now.

Of course, i was heart broken because not only did she turn me down but that was her way of saying "look I know you're gay, but you don't know I know, so I won't date you." I mean as heartbroken as I was, it was just the push I needed to come out 2 weeks after that and later on in my freshman year of high school.

*Pro-Life Tip: Make sure that if you ask someone out you know what your sexuality is and that they don't know what your perceived sexuality is. Also, try to make sure it isn't someone you've known since kindergarten.