Tears

The Silent War

Silence.

That is all I hear.

Here I stand in the darkness, seeing nothing except for the black, empty void that envelops me within it. My feet, my hands, even the tip of my nose, I can't see them. It's as if I'm not here physically within my human body; instead, I feel like a transparent spirit, wandering in the pitch-black silence. With the oppressing darkness pressing down on me from all sides, a sensation of loneliness hollows within my already-empty soul.

A sudden feeling of freezing iciness shocks my nerves, sending the skin-prickling chills throughout my body at a lightning speed. My foot stings with numbing coldness as the seemingly invisible, Arctic-ice water slowly surrounds my feet. With each pounding heartbeat, more and more water circulates around my feet. The water level eventually creeps its way up to my ankles, submerging my entire feet in the ice-numbing pain.

It's freezing. It's so unbearably cold that I want to holler out and run. I want to run back to my bed and curl up into a ball, wrapping myself in the soothing-warmth and comfort of a blanket. I want to rest my head on a soft, fluffy pillow while the mattress underneath me cups perfectly around my body, accepting the presence of my weight. I want to go to that bed where I feel comfortably welcomed. A place where I feel belonged.

However, I don't move, not even a single fiber; like a frozen statue. My body screams and strains in protest as I suppress the instincts to shiver. I keep a relaxed posture as my muscles threaten to contract from the sudden coldness. Clenching my teeth, I withstand the icy, cold water.

I wait.

As I wait, I start to wonder in my thoughts; complex thoughts that have been tucked away in the deepest corner of my mind.

I love dancing.

Dancing is part of my life. I can't imagine a life without it. The way I am able to move freely. The way my feet move effortlessly and lightly across the ground. I feel as if I'm floating in the air, gliding smoothly like the wind. With each and every song, my muscles hum to the rhythm of the beat, making my entire being vibrate with energy and life. Automatically, my body moves to the music and the tingle feeling of exhilaration rushes throughout my body as I start dancing.

I absolutely love every single thing in dancing. Even the sweat that drips off from my body. Even the sore, aching feeling in my muscles. Even the way I gasp hard for air, taking the oxygen into my depraved lungs. I love it.

I want to dance more. I love the way that I am in control of my body. Nobody, other than I, is in control of this body of mine. Dancing is the only time where my feelings take over my body. The only time where I can freely express everything. My body can twist and turn as it pleases; even the force of gravity can't stop me.

I can't deny it. I love dancing. It is one with my soul. It is in me ever since the first day I took my breath.

But at the same time... I hate it.

It's confusing, isn't it? I don't even understand it myself. I love dancing; yet, I hate it. With these conflicting, feelings clashing in my heart, I am unable to determine my true feelings. Maybe, it can be similar to that of a love-hate relation. Maybe, it can just be my imagination. Or maybe, I just don't know my true self.

Funny, isn't it? Everybody calls me the Dancing King of EXO which I, myself, like to believe. In front of all the people and fans who asked me about dancing, my answer would always be, "I love dancing."

Everybody knows this; they all know I love it.

But I wonder... I wonder how they will react when I tell them I hate it. I can almost guess. Disbelief. A joke. Words that will be brushed off to the side and be forgotten within seconds. The fans will all chorus with giggles and smiles on their faces, "Lies."