Blaze

-one-

My life was so complex, yet it's planning was down to a simple science.

Every second of my life was perfectly planned to ensure that I would be the next number one national figure skating champion.

At the age of 18 my life was a symphony of sacrifice and suffering, all carefully planned to ensure success.

I'm not even sure when I made the transition between relying on my natural talent to having to dedicate my entire being to the sport I had grown to love with all my heart, while simultaneously hating it with my entirety.

Not only was there pressure from those who were surrounding me, the pressure I had on myself was sometimes overwhelming. An under rotation in competition would lead me to a week of regret and self-punishment.

This world I had somehow found myself in was cut-throat. The cold glares and malicious comments that I normally receive have been all but blocked out by the wall of focus and determination I've built around myself, although the sabotage that goes on around the dressing rooms of the elite figure skating circuit is enough to do my head in.

I take a deep breath as I take to the ice, the low light shimmering on the rink. I was supposed to wait for my partner, but the ice calls out to me beseechingly, and it's something even I cannot deny. My partner, Grace, is hardly someone I would want to associate with, but she is the best of the best. Being partners with such a diva is just another bullet point on the ever growing list of things I've done to achieve victory.

Another thing on that list is the sacrifice of a normal teenage life. I sure don't miss the hellhole that is high school, but I definitely regret that I missed my chance at puppy love and dating through high school. Sometimes to be victorious, we miss out on our chances for love.

The only real female contact I have had is my mother and my various skating partners throughout my career. Romance with a partner is a never an option, it is the riskiest and most dangerous thing you can do when skating at an elite level. I have tried some of the most life-threatening positions and lifts in pair’s figure skating, but none compare to the risk of a relationship with your skating partner.

Relationships with other girls weren’t an option either, the elite circuit moved so fast that spending quality time with anyone other than my coach, partner or parents was impossible.

As I took another deep breath, I took a lap around the rink recalling the rest of the activities my mother had planned for me today.

It was currently 5:14am, meaning I had sixteen minutes to warm up before my training session with Grace started. At 7am I would have 15 minutes to shower before hitting the gym til 9:30am. After that I had meetings with sponsors til 1pm and then I had to report to my tutor in the office at home for my lessons until 5pm. Then it was back to the rink for another 3 hours of training. Finally at 8:30pm I would return home and be given free time until it was time to start the process all over again.

Just recalling my routine was exhausting, but it was nothing compared to the soul destroying effort of doing everything on that list every day.  Most of the time I had no motivation to do anything, but after the alarm that violated my peace every morning sounded, there was another, more malicious reminder why I had to succeed in figure skating.

My mother was a dedicated woman, and had dedicated her life to one goal: winning the National Figure Skating Championships. She was on the fast track to achieving this goal when she was eighteen, but her plan was to be foiled by lust. She met my father during a competition in Vancouver, and after a passionate night in his ski cabin, I was conceived. Due to injuries received from bringing me into the world, my mother’s skating career ended. She was devastated and for the rest of her life would blame me for taking away the one thing she wanted in life. Naturally, it was up to me to win the title in her honour as a way of returning the great sacrifice my mother made.

Although my mother’s appearance is one of steely focus and organisation, it is simply a hand-crafted masterpiece hiding the despair underneath. Throughout the elite skating circuit she is known as a sacrificing and selfless mother who would do anything for me to succeed, this reputation she holds couldn’t be further from the truth. The vivid dreams and wishes she has are slowly coming true through my suffering and sacrifice. Somehow the guilt trips I have had to live through have brainwashed me, and I really want to make this happen for.

Of course I have grown to love the sport, but my love extends to the artistry of skating, not the competition, medals and titles. If I could hand back every title that I have fought for, every medal I have shed blood for, and make every competition I entered null and void, to simply skate for enjoyment, I would.

But I know how much this means to my mother, and in turn this means the world to me.

This is my year, this is our year.

My name is Hudson Dailey and this year I will be a champion.