The phrase "Jack of all trades" entered the language in 1612 when Geffray Minshull wrote of his experiences in prison. I am entirely sure Geffray Minshull would have coined the phrase, Lady of All Trades, had he met me in my younger days. Although, that phrase sounds dirty; people might have developed the wrong impression about me. While I have never worked in a prison (yet), I would place a bet that I have had more jobs than most prisoners. Was I writing research? No. Was I trying to break a record? No. Was I an awesome employee? Not really. Did I lie on applications? All of the time.
There was something I did like about the process. I liked getting a fresh application, a sharp black tip pen, and using my best penmanship (Thank you Mrs. Zacarias), filling out the application, knowing I would get hired. There were so many possibilities. I loved interviews. I had a firm hand shake. I would look people in the eyes, and talk about myself. Yes, job interviews are really the only place to toot your own horn. This has been a dirty little secret – almost as dirty as calling into morning radio shows. I liked to look my best and talk about myself. And people hired me. They hired me over 46 times, at least from what I can remember.
At age fourteen I started my first official job at the Chatterhouse Supper Club. I was a lowly dish dryer. Not a dish washer. A dish dryer. I started at six and sometimes I wasn't done until two in the morning. It was not a glamorous job, but I got all the free soda I wanted. I was only allowed to work on the weekends, and I was able to walk to and from work. The dishwashers and bussers were older high school boys. This job is where I would first learn not only about W2's and FICCA, but what porn and oral sex were. They acted as if I did not exist, and I listened intently at their lewd jokes. I am sure now a days it would be recognized as a form of sexual harassment, but I've worked in enough kitchens to know that is usually the status quo. I did finally work up to be the dishwasher. It was a great promotion when I got to tell the newbies how to dry and stack the dishes.
In later years, I would try the corporate life. Hello, Shopko domestic department. I once took a nap in the storage area. My department did have a lot of pillows. This would also be the job where I made my friend call me in after a night of drinking. I wasn't meant for the corporate world, and my next stint would be waitressing.
This is a job I did love. I loved talking to new people, I got to walk around, and I usually ate for free. I encountered many people that have brought me great pleasure and some of my weirdest moments. I chanced upon a wonderful group of Bulgarians that took me to Las Vegas. I also met Bino, an angry alcoholic man, who was court ordered not to work with any of his employees. He liked me just fine and often invited me to drink beer during my morning shifts. I also worked with a divorced man, as old as my dad, who kissed me right on the lips. Another restaurant was trying to recruit me for a waitressing position, and asked me if Bino had lost his restaurant in a cribbage game. "Why, no," I answered, "I still work for him." The interviewer's reply, "Good, you don't share that information."
I also tested my math skills and I was a cashier at various places: grocery stores, gas stations, tanning salons, hair salons, and hotel gift shops. I tried out being a sales associate and I worked at Rogan's Shoes for two whole years, for the 40% discount. I worked at Toys R Us in the baby clothes section. I have a fond memory of working with an older Asian woman who always talked about "underwears" and I was never sure if I should correct her. I worked in the produce department of Copps making fruit and veggie trays. I still can make a mad watermelon basket. I even worked at UPS for three days, and I actually owed them money, as I joined the Union and they still required that I pay my dues. So for that, I do not feel bad letting people know that writing FRAGILE on a package does no good.
