The Secret Life of a Cartel Wife

• 2 • Un día normal • A Normal Day •

Dad passed when I was only 17 years old , which forced me to put School aside and get a job to provide for my family. At first both me and my brother Gallardo had gotten honest jobs. I worked from dusk til dawn helping Doña Amalia in the tortillería down the street from my house and Gallardo worked general labor with anyone who would give him work. Some days he helped with tile and drywall , others he helped local fisherman , he sometimes even went to ask for work at the ranchos cleaning horse pins.     

       When I was 18 Doña Amalia peaceful passed in her sleep and I was left without a job when the tortillería closed. Those two weeks after I lost my job were the worst. Gallardo got so irritable and stressed out over my lack of income. I had no choice than to accept the first job that opened up for me. I started working in a little restaurant pretty far from home, but with my sueldo and the tips I got by just fine.

         I just wish that Gallardo would have had the same patience and drive to want to do good. He got frustrated so easily and constantly complained about his little income. Many days he came home feeling insulted by the way the people he worked for treated him. He hated feeling less than anyone; I feel like it was just a matter of too much pride. Everyday that he'd come home complaining I prayed to God that he wouldn't fall into the temptation of easy money. My heart completely shattered when I started to notice the oh so obvious changes in him. He would stay out all night , sleep all day and come home with ridiculous amounts of money. Money that he only showed me because he knew mama would not have a narco living in her house.

• Flashback •

      "What's this ?" I said putting the gun wrapped in a bandana on my brothers bed while he layed back with this legs sprawled up so relaxed.
   
       " Who let you go through my things metiche?" He said still quite unalarmed by my presence. He continued to flip through the channels on the T.V not even acknowledging the gun I had just placed on his bed.

        "Mami sent me to clean your room. " I said challenging his gaze.

         "Well put it back were you found it and get out.".

          "No! What are you doing with a gun Gallardo!?" I screamed at him, now yanking on the bandana causing the gun to tumble then fall onto the bed.

        "Jacqueline don't be so fucking stupid and just put my shit back. It's none of your business.".

       " I didn't think you were seriously this stupid!".

       "Oh yeah sure. .Sure jaque , I'm stupid for providing for my family. So stupid of me." He said trying to make me feel ungrateful or something. I instantly felt the blood running through my veins get hot.

        " Don't you dare !" I screamed throwing the bunched up bandana at him.

       "you aren't doing a damn thing for me alright! I get up everyday and go to work to pull my own weight​ around here so don't come at me like I'm some kind of mantenida ! ".

        "Get out of my room Jacqueline." He said rolling his eyes and directing his attention back to the T.V.
   
       "You're an idiot . You think you're some sort of man because you have a gun?".

       "You don't know shit " he said yet again blowing me off like I wasn't there.

       " I know papi died thanks to this shit Gallardo!  He had NOTHING , absolutely nothing to do with them and he still died!" I croaked out so suddenly I felt my voice fizzle away​ and crack.

       "And you don't even give a f-ck . You're still f-cking around with those people . You're a disappointment ." I said about to walk away. I think I struck a nerve because he finally sat up and his expression darkened.

       "Exactly! WTF does that tell you Jacqueline!? No matter what f-cking role you play , while we are still here we are still going to f-cking die! Papi died without a damn peso to his name ! So if I'm going to die in this war , I'm going to die on the receiving end of it! ".

       " You really are f-cking stupid aren't you ? Why do we need brains with a logic like yours" I scoffed rolling my eyes just about ready to attack him. 

       " I won't be like dad . I can't be like dad . I can't make Chum change all of my life while others step all over me." He said just as I was going to walk away.

        "You're very right Gallardo , you'll never be like dad because you're a coward." I finally said sadly realizing that he was a lost cause.

       " I want nothing to do with you. Me das asco." I said leaving his room with tears threatening to flow out of my eyes.

      I haven't crossed a word with my brother ever since. I didn't tell Mami what I knew , I think that was Gallardo's responsibility. If he wasn't embarrassed of what he had become he'd better not be embarrassed to tell my mom on his own. My mom never did need anyone to open her eyes for her. She too began to notice things that left her uneasy. The straw that broke the camel's back was when Gallardo rolled up in a brand new truck to our very poor neighborhood. It was then when everything pieced together for my mom. I got home that day to my hysterical mother throwing all of Gallardo's things out on the street in front of all the vecinos.

        Since then I'm pretty positive my mom has forgiven my brother and despite her efforts to hide it from me I know she sees him often. I can't blame her , at the end of the day that is her son.

         Gallardo has been out of the house for a little over two and a half years now. Me and Mom have gotten used to being alone. We perfectly coexist without any problems. I work from 8 a.m to 2 p.m everyday except for Sundays, which are spent with my mom and abuelita. 

     So on a normal day like today , I woke up and got ready for work but today was not another normal day; I just didn't know that yet.