Oct. 26, 2016
"Hey its Conner!" Everyone yelled as I walked onto the bus. "Hey man I herd breana was cheating on you" my best friend said as I sat down next to him. " oh well, I guess that's another one gone. I will talk to her when I get to school. That's ok Though I have had my eye on another girl lately maybe I can get her. I really like her. I just hope she likes me." I sighed as the bus started moving. The day was cold and soggy. It was a quiet ride up to school, Which is unusual. When the bus pulled up to the school with a screeching halt. I walked out and up to the entrance of the school. This is it I thought to myself. I made plans to kill myself in the bathroom when I got done talking to breana. I had pills with me at the time. "Hey babe," breana said as I sat next to her. I gave her a hug and looked at her for a long while. She finally got suspicious and asked "what's wrong sweetie," I got up and said I'm done with you. You cheated on me again! Why!?!? Because I'm not good enough," I stormed off in a blaze. She tried to follow me and yell at me but the crowed of people around me drownd her out. All I thought about was death and how alone I was... No one understood me. no one cared for me. But I didn't realize there were people who cared and understood.
I pulled out the pills. Hands trembling I looked at myself in the mirror. I thought. How much more. How much more pain do I need to suffer! I had a very drama and painful life at the time. My mom and dad fought, and eventually scarred me. My dad got with someone else and mom moved on with her life. I never really saw my mom. It felt like she didn't care about me. She lied to me. Ignored me, and when she did show me attention or affection. She would be beaten by her boyfriend. Because he was more important than me and my sisters, which it felt like everyone else was more important and deserved than us. And my dad, he... He was just always busy. He was very depressed at the time. Because his girlfriend had made him feel like he wasn't good enough. And he was small and trapped. Dad was to afraid to give up on her because she threatened multiple times with suicide. My life was crap. I was crap. I didn't want to come to school, I never wanted to get out of bed. I wanted to die in a hole where I was. I looked at the pills... Is this how I was really going to end it... No... I'm better off dead. But I'm sure I would hurt so many people on this planet. My dad, My sisters, My friends.
I'm not going to kill myself. I through the pills into the toilet and flushed it. I grabbed my bag and got my blade out. It was so sharp and shiny. It was never used. I had never used it on anything. I looked at my wrists and took the blade to it. One cut, Two cuts, Three. The blood trickled down my hand and onto the floor. I felt a sting. It was nice. One more. Before I knew it I had 13 cuts on my left arm. No one ever noticed the cuts on my arm. Not even dad. But he was going through so many things, so I didn't expect him to. I walked out of the bathroom with my sleeves rolled down. I had my hood on so no one would see me or mess with me. I walked fast to my classes that day. My gut told me something eventful will happen. I got home and walked right into my room. And stayed in the corner of my dark closet that day. The next day came around eventually. I woke up in my closet, it felt nice knowing someone came in and checked on me!
Oh well, the next day came to me the same as other days, just without the slitting my wrists. Someone's car was in front of my house at the end of school. I ran home. It was the girl I spied with my eyes. I walked in "hey," she said "hey Alex, how are you?" I asked "meh, better than bad I guess," "good," I said with a calm gental voice. "Shall we walk?" I asked as I set my bag down. "Sure," we started walking around the neighborhood. We talked about all sorts of things. I can't really remember all that happened. One thing sticks out though. I remember holding her hand for the first time. As a joke. She had just recently broke up with her boyfriend.
