the sunrise that morning drowned the stars and stole his restlessness. he fell asleep against me as we lay on the roof of my house in a small town too sad to become anything special. a muted pink tone spilled into the sky and clouds. yellow undertones from the first rays of sunlight kissed the sky good morning. it made me miss the stars over our heads when we were talking about important things.
hey, he stirred and spoke. i looked down at his head on my shoulder. he looked deeply thoughtful. philosophical.
what's it like... to die?
i stared at him.
i don't know. i'm still alive, i answered. there was a pause.
are you? he and i fell silent. i looked up into the sky as if searching for the right answer. it was stained the color of his face when he laughs too hard.
technically, i said.
technically, he repeated, deep in thought, why? why aren't we dead? i blinked. he asks me questions you're supposed to ask the moon. i still don't know why i replied how i did.
there's a hundred reasons not to die, i told him. a smile tugged at his lips, urging me to go on.
the first one is me. he laughed and it shattered the silence of the still morning air in the most beautiful way. he looked at me the way my grandfather looks at my grandmother and i wondered if we could ever have a love so deep it will last until the end of time. then i had to remind myself that i didn't love him.
his eyes closed once again and i found myself in adoration of his raw beauty. someone once told me it is incredibly rare to find a person with a mind just as beautiful as their face. there was an incredibly rare person asleep on my shoulder.
in that moment, i thought everything would be okay as long as two sad kids were sitting on the roof together in a sad town asking questions no one knows the answer to. somewhere inside me, i actually thought that moment could last forever. and i wish it did.
but in that single moment, everything was okay
and i listened to the morning birds, wondering which song sounded most like his voice.
