Awkward has a face

Chapter 1 - generic froot loops

"Oh yeah, baby fuck yes!!" 

I woke up to the moans of my bestie fucking one of her clients. I'm kinda grateful for what she does because her moans wake me up right on time, not for a job that i have, but the right time you wake up in the morning that you're not too groggy.

"Good morning self!" I said to myself then I looked on the clock, oh, it was 2 in the afternoon. Welp.

"Good afternoon self!" What don't judge me for waking up so late. It's not my fault Breaking Bad is a great series. Gotta love Walter White and Jessie Pinkman ya'll.

I hopped off the bed and headed to the bathroom which has no door by the way because Dawg chewed off the half of it. No I didn't brush my teeth but I took a wonderful shit. I always poop in the morning and I don't know why but it's a great wake up call sometimes, because I don't always take good shits everyday sometimes lil jimmy just doesn't wanna come out.

I headed to the kitchen to have breakfast. I opened some mysterious looking generic froot loops called "sweet holes" which is by the way a great fucking name. I bought this in the dollar store, they taste like pure sugar and I'm probably going to have diabetes by the age of 26 but hey atleast I'll still be alive at 26. Just being optimistic ya'll.

I poured some milk but nothing came out,"Oh well, no milk it is." I munched on my sweet holes and then I heard my bestie's door open and close.

"Hey bebelurvs come have breakfast with me! These sweet holes ain't going to eat themselves you know." I shouted at her which I regret because what I just said didn't actually sound appropriate.

I was happily eating my sweet holes when I tripped, just tripped, with my own feet and legs, great job Kolbs. When I looked up I see a fine specimen looking down on me.

"Oh god what club did Pennie get this from?" I said to myself. Still looking to those fucking pecs that have been carved by the gods, ohhh Chris Evans you got yourself a competition hunny. I would be glad to be the judge of that.

"Hi I'm Mike, nice to meet you." OhdearsweetlordJesushallelujahGodblessme.

"Did it just talked to me?" I asked myself. Oh please, will somebody pinch me.

"Yes I did talk to you. A strip club downtown."

"Y-you heard that?" I'll contact my family later to have my funeral ready.

"Well, yeah" then he laughed. His laugh, his laugh yooo it was sent from the people above it's like soul music to my ears. Just realizing that I'm still on the floor with all the sweet holes scattered around me I became as red as the Chinese flag and I quickly stood up and pick up all the sweet holes on the floor. Maybe if I just ignored him he will go away and I will not make a fool out of myself anymore.

I looked at him, shit, he's still there.

Of course you dumb bitch you cannot just wish for people to disappear.

Who the fuck are you?

You.

Me?

Yes. You.

Talking to my inner self that surprisingly is an asshole. Oh wow I've completely lost it haven't I?

Duuudde, you called yourself an asshole. I'm so glad that you've found who you truly are, for some, it takes them years to truly know thyself.