Fire and Ice

Countless Letters

Jonathan

When I went into battle last night, I didn't realize that everything would change.

I knew that the War would begin.  We couldn't put it off forever.  I knew the world was going to change.  I knew that Fire and Ice have always been enemies, and that eventually there would be a war.  And I knew that last night would begin it.

It's dawn, and I'm riding back to my kingdom, and the world has changed.

Just not in the way I expected it to.

"That was a loss," the king, my father, says while we ride, side by side.  "But it was the beginning.  A beginning of a new era.  The beginning of the end of the flames, and the reign of Ice will take hold.  When you are king, Jonathan, your rule will extend over not only our kingdom, but the Kingdom of Fire as well.  You will be the king of kings, the first to unite the kingdoms.  You, Jonathan, Son of Isa, Goddess of Ice, will rule all."

I look over at him, and see a man who's finally getting what he wants, a man ready for it.  I see my father.

"When will our next attack be, Father?" I ask, though my heart isn't in it.  It's somewhere else.

"We will need time to plan a more organized attack, one we can win," Father replies.  He begins to talk about battle plans and armies and training, but I can't focus.  How can I?  Not when she's stuck in my head.

She was strong, and unafraid. A fighter to her bones. But not a killer. She knew her mission. She knew what she had to do. And she knew that it didn't require killing. She operated like a machine, a beautiful machine, that fought her way through dozens of soldiers without a single look of fear. She was brave, braver than me. She fought me. She was better than me. She spared me. And her name was Eliza.

"I'm going to run ahead," I say to my father, and he nods.  I lean into my horse, and we run faster.  The wind strikes my face like a slap, but I barely feel it.  I want to feel it.  I want to be distracted.  Distractions.  They take away the fear.  And I'm afraid, afraid of the power she has over my mind, the ghost of a girl who won't remember me.  The ghost of a girl I shouldn't even know.  I need a distraction.

I watch as the dark, bright, sunset orange hues of the Kingdom of Fire melt into the simple white of my kingdom.  Snow begins to fall around me, clouding my vision.  Yet I urge my horse to run faster.  I want to feel the cold that is part of me, the Ice that flows through my veins, escape from the Fire.  The Fire is hers, and the Ice is mine.  We are enemies.  That is how she thinks of me.  That's how I should think of her.  She needs to get out of my head.

If she doesn't soon, I might lose my mind.

I arrive at the palace, all blue and white and ice.  I leave my horse at the stables, then rush inside, straight to my room.  Normally after a battle I'm exhausted, but now, something's keeping me awake.

I pace for a while, trying to wear myself out, trying to make myself tired so I don't have to think anymore. But it just wakes me up more. She won't leave me alone. I sit down at my desk, and begin to write.

But I've never been good with words, written or spoken. I was always a warrior, and nothing else. My feelings were nothing, kept quiet and hidden away. I was made to work like a machine, unfeeling and emotionless.

But I have to write these words. She makes me want to write these words.

And she makes me want to toss them away, because they're not worthy of her.

Eliza, I begin, unsure, not sure what I could ever say to her. I could see her, her raven hair swirling around her as she fought, her dark eyes staring into mine as she told me her name and spared my life. I cross it out. I try again, to tell her, but I can't. I never can.

I write countless letters to her. I want to tell her. I need to tell her.

My sister is always so fearless in everything. Her fighting, her words, her everything. She's never afraid. Marianthi would know what do to do. She would know how to put her feelings into words. And even if she didn't know what to do, she would be brave enough to try.

She would be brave to tell someone that she's falling in love with them.

Because I'm falling in love with Eliza.