The Diary of a Hopeless Romantic

Only I can fix me

I was inspired by a movie called 'Stuck in Love'. It's an amazing movie and one of my favorites so far.

In the early rainy night, my heart started to stop. I had some feelings that something bad is going to happen when Marc called me. Marc is Eva's boyfriend. He was in a desperate situation.

His voice seemed like he was just done crying. I was worried. I got things cleared up, and I still didn't know what to do. He was feeling bad about himself, he wanted to die.

Everything that was running through my mind was: What would I do without him? What will my life seem like when he will be gone? And then, I thought positively and tried to cheer him up, tried to make him laugh and ignore the pain he's feeling. I couldn't do much because he was desperately hating himself.
My heart was at his lowest, I was in pain, too. I tried to help him as much as I can for him to not hurt himself. But nothing could ever work

The reasons he was acting like this were his grades. He wasn't good at school so he thought he's bad at everything.

You know, I felt sad. I didn't know if I should express how I feel about him to show him that he's not a looser. I couldn't see him like that because I know he's talented to the max. He is a great person with such an amazing personality. He's sweet to people even to those who hurt him. He forgives and has a kind heart. He doesn't know how to hate neither how to hurt someone. He was an angel. And oh my, I loved to admire his beautiful face looking at me, to have eye-contact with the eyes who were so pure, yet have a past who's so damaged.

I loved him. I loved every single thing about him. I loved his flaws and imperfections. I loved the way his smile used to form. I loved the way he talks about something he loves; you could see the passion. I loved to look at him for hours and never get bored. I loved to have him in my arms and not let go because I felt home. I couldn't imagine him far away. I couldn't imagine my life without him.
What would I do if he went away? What would be so worth to live for anymore? Nothing could ever replace him.

As these thoughts swam in my head while he hung up the phone, he texted me and said;

"My biggest mistake other than hurting you was thinking you could fix me. Only I can fix me."

As soon as these words were done, I was left breathless, drowning in the melody of my sadness, begging my memory to accept the fact that he's gone, but only for his best. And who knows? Who knows if he will ever come back...

In the end, I whispered to myself the words I wished I could tell him, to make things up
But no, my dear self, he is gone

To the day we'll meet again, my love.

I'll always be waiting for you.

-Eva.