The Diary of a Hopeless Romantic

I love her but I'm not ready.

"Why did you leave her?" I asked him.

"Because she doesn't deserve somebody like me. I don't deserve her either. And I don't really know why. But I loved her! And I really am confused for the way I treated her. I didn't fight for her, I didn't text her regularly, and I didn't see her for long periods of time. Months passed and I didn't notice that I didn't see her, days passed and I didn't notice that I didn't text her. I was cruel to her without my knowledge. And I never meant to hurt her, it's just that maybe I just loved her, I didn't fall for her. Or maybe because I fell for her, I didn't notice. But, if I was in love with her, she would be the first thing that passed to my mind. If I was in love with her, she would be the reason why I laugh and cry. If I was in love with her, I wouldn't get bored of telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me. At the very first start, I used to be so in love with her. I noticed that by my actions. And even before being together, everything I used to talk about was her, I don't really know what changed. Something inside of me did, and I'm still trying to discover what it is." He responded with sad passion in his eyes, you can see that she really meant something to him, but she was weird to his heart.

"Did she let you go this easy?" she surprisingly replied to the speech that expressed what he was feeling inside.

"She tried to hold on to me, but I left both ways. I couldn't hurt her anymore. Because if I keep on being with her, I know I will hurt her. If I keep on being with her, she will hate me more than ever. But even if she hated me, she's right. Because I treated her so badly and she can hate me forever for what I did, because she deserves the best of the best. She deserves to be loved the way every girl should be. She deserves to have someone who can treat her right. She deserves someone who will try to fix her even if she isn't able to fix herself. She deserves to have someone who will always be there for her. She deserves someone who will take care of her. She deserves someone who will give her all his time, strength, and love. She deserves to have someone who will love her with each beat of his heart. And I still don't know if I can afford giving all of these responsibilities to my soul mate. But I have to let her go. Even if there is no chance for 'us' anymore. I hope to meet her again, I hope to love her again. Even if it's too late. Even if it hurts. By then, I will be ready and having the privilege to have my heart broken by her. I will be ready to get hurt from the love I've always dreamt of feeling." He answered with full tears in his eyes.

I felt his pain.
I understood what he was going through, but this girl will end up heartless, broken, and feeling worthless. His purpose by leaving her wasn't hurting her, it was finding himself. But now, there's a broken-hearted girl on the corner of the street, trying to find the healing source to her heart's disease—him.