Let Everybody Know - LAMS

Chapter 10 - Find Your Way Home

U might need to get some more stuff to throw at me

Alex's POV

I felt like I was about to faint. Or throw up. Or die. None of those happened. I just sat there. On my bed while my friends sat, scattered around the room, feeling sympathy for me. My brain felt like a maze and I was desperately trying to find the centre of it, trying to figure out what was happening. My face felt stiff from tears, like paint dripping down a canvas. My heart felt like it had sunk even deeper than the sea could go and everything felt wrong.

"Alex?" Eliza asked, hesitantly placing her pale hand on my shoulder.

"I'm fine" I replied and Peggy cocked her head at me before sitting next to me and wrapping her comforting arms around my shoulders.

"You don't look fine" she said.

"Should I?"

Peggy hesitated to answer and just looked at my red, tear stained face with sympathy and confusion.

"No" she finally replied and kissed me on he cheek. Peggy always knew how to comfort me but sometimes all that could help was John. He was everything I didn't want but needed right now.

"Hey I'm going to go get a soda" I muttered and my friends silently nodded as I walked out the door.

Eliza's POV

"Maybe they should break up" Angelica stuttered and we stayed silent. "I mean, John is doing something terrible and how could Alex ever trust him again?" She nervously played with her hair and straightened the creases of her skirt out.

"I agree, I guess" I started. "But there's gotta be a reason John would do this? This isn't a John Laurens kind of thing to do"

"Why not?" Angie replied, she looked genuinely confused as everyone stared at her like she just complimented Hitler.

"Um, maybe it's not a John Laurens thing to do because John Laurens is gay?" Peggy sarcastically replied. "Plus he's John Laurens! He wouldn't cheat on someone even if they offered him all the money Donald trump claims to have"

"They have to break up" Angie said again, causing Hercules, Laf and Peggy to roll their eyes.

"Maybe we should figure why John is doing this before we ask Alex to officially break up with him. It can't be John simply cheating on Alex because he's John! Probably the nicest person you'll ever meet and the nicest person you'll ever meet doesn't cheat on their boyfriend for no good reason. We'll find out the reason before we decide what happens with their relationship" Hercules said.

"Maybe we should just let them figure it out" I added but everyone shook their heads.

"They're John and Alex. Alex will crumble into a screaming and sobbing mess while throwing some stuff around the room and John will probably start to cry and then throw the shit Alex threw around the room at Alex"

"THEY CAN'T BREAK UP" Lafayette suddenly screamed.

"I really think they should break up though-" Angelica tried to speak up.

"Angelica! We know you like Alex but are you really going to put your crush in front of one of your best friends health?" Peggy yelled, glaring at her older sister. I usually stayed out of fights between them. They could get nasty. Angelica stared down at the floor, trying to come up with a reply but failed and we all just flopped backwards and stared at the ceiling, deep in thought.

Alex's POV

A breath of fresh air. That's all I needed. It's all I wanted, I didn't want to be pitied, I wanted to breathe.

I felt calm as the wind brushed against my skin and the early stars of the early night appeared in the sky. Something about looking at the stars calmed me. I may not believe in heaven and all that but when I look up at the stars, I feel like my mother can hear me, my brother can hear me. Like the people I've lost can hear me. One of the last things my mum said to me was; "if you make a wish on the brightest star, it will come true" I knew it was fake. That doesn't happen. But for some odd reason that I can't explain, I wished on the brightest star every night. I wished for my family back, even though I knew it was impossible but I believed happiness was impossible to find for at one point, I was wrong about that. It's just impossible to keep.

-

I walked up back to my dorm after getting a coffee and letting the warm liquid burn the back of my throat slightly. The walls felt like they were closing in on me as I walked across the long strips of wooden floor and passed dorm after dorm after dorm. The weight of the world and all my problems on my shoulders, all the memories of everything that has ever happened to me flooded through my mind like the hurricane did. Just as I got to my dorm I heard sounds coming from around the corner. Kissing sounds. They sounded disgusting. Out of curiosity I peered around the corner to see John pinned up against the wall while Martha fiercely kissed his lips. It was disgusting. I quickly turned around, leaning against the wall. I used to kiss those lips. I wish I could kiss them just once more.

If he ever came up to me and began to beg to be my boyfriend again, I'd kick him so hard in the chest and have no regrets because he deserves that at least for what he'd done to me.
-

John's POV

Looking into her lustful eyes felt wrong and Putting my arms on her waist felt wrong and
Kissing her felt wrong. Just Her touching me felt wrong. I felt uncomfortable. I felt violated but this is how straight sex feels all the time right? Maybe I just have to get used to it. Maybe soon enough, I'd be normal.

"So, John, who are you going to sit with at lunch? Are you going to sit with those blacks and fags?" She asked as she had me pinned against the wall outside her dorm.

"Martha you realise I'm a person of colour too right?" I said and she grabbed my shirt, pulling me closer to her face and leading me into her dorm.

"Are you going to sit with them?" She repeated, ignoring my statement.

"No, I won't sit with them" I muttered.

"Why not them?"

"Because, I just, shouldn't?" I didn't know what to say. I knew she wanted me to say something but she was an impossible puzzle that I was trying to put together.

"Because they're fags" she whispered, her lips inching closer to mine. The word hit me like a big, yellow school bus. But it shouldn't. It shouldn't matter because I am straight. I'm most indefinitely straight so that word shouldn't matter to me and it doesn't. "C'mon Jack, say it"

"I won't sit with them because they're" I breathed in, hesitant to say the word. "Because they're fags" I mumbled and Martha smiled, pleased.

"Good. Now i'm taking one hundred dollars I'm going shopping" she pushed me against the wall of her new dorm harshly and shuffled through my wallet, pulling out two one hundred dollar bills.

"That's two hundred"

"I know" she said and dug her long nails into my wrists before slamming the door shut.

I miss Alex

-

Cue the angry readers throwing stuff at me. Come at me guys I deserve it. Sorry for this lol.