The Holey Trinity

Congealed semen was found in the throat of the dead body of 13 year old Hella Kirillova. She died painfully of asphyxiation and was found dead in the Baguette hallway. The semen belonged to fellow classmate and lover Kenneth R Medina II . He is currently on the run and believes to be hiding in the bowels of swim teammate Chengdu Nguyen's basement. He is armed and extremely dangerous. Proceed with caution as he may force you into "that kinky shit" during confrontation. He may even choke you with his skinny ginger feet.

Fellow swim mate Tico Escamilla Iglesias is also convicted due to residual semen found in Kenneth's car. JSO (Joint Special Operations) manhunt leads to 65 Sirota Circle, Silbert NJ - however, they found the basement empty with "titties" written on the wall in semen. Standing at 6 foot 2 inches, Kenneth R Medina easily overpowered victim Hella Kirilova who had no chance in fending him off.

The portly coach Jack Sequoya declined to comment. However, assistant coach Skarphéðinn Guðmundarson stated that he has expected this type of behavior from the three athletes. Friend Jackson Pollock has stated that on his was to Salsaritas, two of the three were being reprimanded for similar activity. "There have been rising conflicts between Kenneth and Hella," says Mr. Guðmundarson.

Fellow swimmer from neighboring Sriracha Aquatics, Gaylord Penske may have been involved. Their coach Storm E. Friis declined to comment.

It was also rumored that Ron Weiler had heard about the plans, but he has declined any previous knowledge.

Richard Bong, swimmer at BAC and former athlete of Sriracha, later revealed he had knowledge of the event but decided to play with baguettes that day. He states, "I mean bro I didn't think my bro Ken would actually do that I mean he's not that hardcore bro you know?" He declined further comment.

Fellow teammate and "friend" Al Tijani Jabir La Almudsaid that he had wanted to participate but he was busy abusing Notch, another swimmer. Teammate Notch later confirmed that comment.

This leads to another investigation within Baguette Aquatic Club. Manhunt finds Chengdu Nguyen and Kenneth waiting at a checkpoint waiting for Iglesias, who was their getaway into Mexico. All three have been detained and condemned to death.

BAC has been disbanded and has been acquired by Sriracha Aquatics. Kenneth R Medina II's last words quote, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY PATAGONIA SWEATER!" The sweater was later burned by state officials along with his Supreme hat.

Dr. Константин Кулико́в says, "I told her to never trust those gingers." as he shed a tear for the first time ever.

Sriracha Aquatics is currently working on world domination. Amassing over 13 million members, it is somehow larger than the population of NJ. Swimmer Mitakiluchimoto stands at the front of the dynasty but is too busy getting it on in Spain. Sriracha has adopted something of a communist manifesto and USA Swimming no longer has power over them. They are too strong.

"Killa had real potential," Mitakiluchimotosays, "it's a shame that I couldn't have been there to help the guy- uh I mean Killa." Storm E. Friis is currently working on suing every swimmer who had ever left Sriracha Elite.