Grandeur

Chapter Five

For everything that's lovely is

But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.

-W.B. Yeats, 1904.

Mother didn't say anything else for the duration of the time I sat beside her. I tried coaxing her again and again, but she was as still as ever. The darkness of the room began to get to me – my eyes were drooping and it took all my will power to stay awake, just in case she became conscious again.

I must have dozed off for a moment though because the next thing I knew, Ethel's hand was on my shoulder, gently nudging me awake.

"Pardon, miss," she said when I'd lifted my head off the bed. I was still sitting in a chair, clutching Mother's hand.

"Oh," I said, embarrassed, "I'm sorry."

"The doctor is here to give her more medicine." I looked toward the door and there he was, case in hand and all. "There is some luncheon downstairs if you would like anything to eat."

I rubbed my eyes, forcing myself awake. "Yes," I said to no one in particular, "that sounds good."

Downstairs, Teddy and Aunt Edith were in the parlor, quietly talking. They quieted down the moment I entered the room.

"How is she?" Teddy asked, standing.

I only shook my head and sat down in a chair I later realized I had never seen before.

"Ethel should be down in a moment with some food for you," Edith said, her face more serious than I had ever seen her.

I covered my eyes with my hands, blocking out the brightness from the Sunday sun exploding through the windows. I could have sat there, in complete and utter silence, for the duration of my life. Not a sound entered into my ear, only the feeling of my chest rising and falling as I breathed and soothed my nerves. However, that was a brief fantasy and if I had learned anything in the last nearly-decade, it was that fantasies existed solely in novels and never in real life.

"I heard him," I said quietly, my eyes still covered. I didn't want to look at them. They knew exactly whom I spoke of.

No one said anything. I could only imagine the expressions on their faces, probably glancing at the other to gauge how they should respond. How could I have not heard him? He was practically screaming up the stairs, breaking my already shattered heart.

It was Teddy who spoke up.

"I'm so sorry, Diana," he said.

I lifted my hands away from my eyes. "I know."

"Here you are, miss," Ethel said, bringing me a small plate of food. I took the plate and she exited the room again, leaving us to our silence.

Shortly after, the doctor came down from upstairs, said his goodbyes, and left the house. We still sat in our long silence, everyone unsure of what to say next.

"How long will you be staying, Diana?" Aunt Edith finally asked.

I looked at Teddy, wanting so bad to tell the truth of the length of my visit but I wasn't even sure anymore of the truth of that anymore. Two weeks was hardly enough time now that I had seen the true state of Mother.

"I'm not sure," I answered. "As long as Lizzie and Teddy will have me, I suppose."

Small smiles lit up both their faces then. I finished the small sandwich and lemonade Ethel had brought me and slowly stood.