Emergency Contact

Part 1.

I breathe you in with smoke in the backyard lights (backyard lights)
We used to laugh until we choked into the wasted nights (wasted nights)
It was the best time of my life, but now I sleep alone (sleep alone)
So don't, don't, don't wake me up, 'cause my thrill is gone (say I'm wrong)
In the sunset turning red behind the smoke,
Forever and alone, yeah!
You've gone and sewn me to this bed, the taste of you and me (you and me)
Will never leave my lips again under the blinding rain (blinding rain)
I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist (break my wrist)
And when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in.
I'll sing along, oh
'Cause I don't know any other song.
I'll sing along,
But I'm barely hanging on.
No, I'm barely hanging on.
By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone.
And now there's nothing to do but scream at the drunken moon.
This isn't fair!
(No!)
Don't you try to blame this on me.
(Oh)
My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me.
And God damn it, I can barely say your name,
So I'll try to write it and fill the pen with blood from the sink.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh.
But don't just say it, you should sing my name.
Pretend that it's a song 'cause forever it's yours,
And we can sing this on the way home.
I'll sing along
(Oh)
'Cause I don't know any other song.
(Oh, oh)
I'll sing along,
But I'm barely hanging on.
No, I'm barely hanging on.
By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone,
And now there's nothing to do but tear my voice apart.
Nothing to do, and scream at the drunken moon.

I heard the song playing on my radio as I was driving home from my job at the restaurant. Pete's was nothing special, and Pete was a d*ck, but I kept working because I didn't have much else to do. As the song played I knew exactly who it was, and I knew it was about me. I had broken up with him for so many reasons, so why was this song hitting me so hard. As I was in a trance thinking about what we used to be and why I ended it, I had to quickly slam on my brakes to avoid hitting what looked like Tony "The Turtle" Perry. He walked off a little shaken, and I drove off a little shaken as Yeah Boy and Doll Face came on next. At that point I was home and crying in my parked car in the driveway. I pulled myself together and exited the car and walked into the house. My boyfriend had left me months, months, ago so it was just me. I always seemed to fall for guys who would never last or stay. My best friend was home taking care of my cat for me, and she knew immediately the only reason I ever cried. She made me dinner and hugged me and then promised to call and check on me in the morning to see how I was doing.

That night I had a very vivid dream of me and my boyfriend before Zach. Me and the guy were sitting on my couch watching a movie we loved, me in his lap. He would every so often kiss me and hug me, and we fell asleep together. The next day in my dream I noticed I had on a wedding ring. Funny though because in real life I never married him. Then I woke up. The dream had seemed so real, but I knew it wasn't. I called my best friend Maddy the next morning and told her about my dream. She could tell I was upset and clearly not over him yet, so she drove over to my place with coffee and food. When she arrived she said, "You'll NEVER believe who I ran into at the coffee shop today?" I shrugged my shoulders as she said, "Jamie. Jamie Preciado! I know you don't really care that much since yknow, but we sorta talked and it was nice." I slightly smiled before taking the coffee and food and making her shut up. She kept trying to talk about it with me and said, "Yknow. Therapy wouldn't kill you." I said, "I tried that when my dad left us, then when Grandma died. Then when mom died just after I'd met him and he'd been so great to me about it. Therapy does jack crap Maddy." She just shook her head and ate, forgetting I'd said anything and that she'd said anything. She eventually asked to see my wrists, and she knew it was bad. Every year on the day that should have been my anniversary with him it gets worse. It's also worse on the 3 days when dad left, grandma died, and mom died. This week was bad because usually it was a whole week of me being this way over some boy I used to date. She insisted I get help but, me being me, I refused.
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