Confessions Of An Average Adolescent

I sit here, topless. I've watched about every episode of Skins… well except Generation Three because lets face it. Gen Three sucks. I find that watching this show makes me depressed. Or I'm always depressed, but I only notice it when I'm watching Skins.

Now, I know I'm not sitting here, topless and feeling depressed over some intellectual art house film with sepia tones or anything like that because I'm not trying to impress you with my empty, sad-sack, rant.

So, don't think I'm anything other than some whining, suburbanite, white girl… not that race has anything to do with anything. I'm exactly that. However, that doesn't make the way I feel any less important than someone with real problems. Obviously they need more attention than I, but I'm the one writing this aren't I?

I don't know why I watch Skins. I know it makes me depressed… or empty (I don't think the word depressed cuts it for the way I feel, because you actually have to feel something to fall under the depressed umbrella, right?). Maybe I watch it because their problems are so much more shit than mine are. I mean, I'm worrying about a Religion paper (which actually really does suck since I'm not religious at all) and Tony got hit by a fecking bus for Christ's sake (so much for being non-religious, eh?).

I know it's fictional, and none of what happened, actually happened. But it's happened to people before! So, it can't be all fake.

But I can't help but think that my life is fake. It feels so superficial, like I'm not supposed to be here. Or  I am and someone has a real sick sense of humor. I know I'm contradicting myself left and right, but I can't seem to get my thoughts together. Everything's just a blur. I try to make sense of what's going on, but I can't.

Whenever I try to talk to someone about everything that's going on in my head, like actually get deep and talk about what I really think and not just what I say I think, they just think I'm being melodramatic, or they know I'm being serious, but don't want to have to deal with it.

I think its the latter… and that sucks because it would be great for someone to actually care. I know they care, but when it comes to the difficult stuff, well you know. It's easy to brush it off as some confused adolescent bullshit.

I don't expect for anyone to actually read this, but if you happen to be here… don't be a stranger.