Perceptive Reality

Average. Typical. Common. Ordinary. Mediocre.

So many words that mean the same thing, yet none of them fully encompass how I feel. They are all reasons why when I started thinking about individual days of my 16 year life and tried to pinpoint the exact event that I wish I could go back and change; I could hardly do it.

I mean, of course there are words I wish I didn't say and reactions I wish I could change. The thing is, life isn't like that. Life is not equivalent to a peaceful, snowy walk in the woods where you could make a wrong turn, but backtrack and fix where everything went wrong. Life is more justly portrayed by the German originated Hansel and Gretel fairytale. When the two kids venture down a deceitful path, they end up in a situation that they must fight their way out of. With my mind fixed on these details of the world, I realize that life is just a complex system enslaved by time.

This is how I perceive reality. I'm an average person with an average life and a very realistic way of thinking.

This is part of the reason why the event I wish to go back and change isn't some huge revelation. There is no mind blowing life lesson attached to it. In fact, it's quite simple. If I could go back in time and change one event, it would be in 7th grade when I joined the volleyball team.

I know it's not draw-dropping, but it means a lot to me.

When I joined the volleyball team it was for my mom; not for me. It was the sport that made everyone think of the "in crowd". You see, I'm really not that cool of a person, and I was never considered to be popular. Even now looking back, I'm not sure what I was thinking. Volleyball games were rough. They were played in a sweltering middle school gym with a bunch of guys starring at our butts. This was the sport that dug my mind into a hole that to this day, I still can't get out of. My self confidence went down the drain.

But, this volleyball team mistake has another part to the story, because in the same fall season I joined the cross country team. Cross country was home. Running became my lifesaver. Today, I'm on the high school team and yeah, I'm the second runner on the team, but I can't stop myself from wondering if I've lagged behind on my potential. It would all be because I was too focused on popularity in 7th grade to devote much time to the sport that I really found a home in.

This all might seem silly, and my realistic brain has a hard time processing the concept of an altercation in time, but I'm still curious; if I changed this one diminutive piece of the puzzle what would the new picture look like today?