tsukkiyama asf !! [one-shots]

daggers

schizo!Yamaguchi au

No Glorification

-=+=-

Stop the World I Wanna Get Off With You plays loudly against my head like the music itself is projected from the sky. I stare at my earbuds held in my hands. Oh, that's right. I forgot to take my medication recently. It's... okay? It's not that bad.

Your phone.
Your phone.
Your phone.

I check my phone as They say. Its a text from Tsukki. He asks where I was since I'm a tad late. It's okay. I'm just down the street. Tsukki won't mind.

"Sorry! I forgot to set the alarm again. I'll see you in a few, at the crossing." I mumble to myself as I type. He wants to have a morning date at the lil bagel shop that just opened. He wants to try everything with his huge appetite, but I tell him he simply cannot eat everything.

Maybe Tsukki is upset. You tell not to do things, and you're running late. Maybe he'll just leave with nothing.

Wow, that kinda sounds like Yamaguchi- nothing.

Stop The World Cause I-

"No, no. He loves me. It's just that I didn't take my medicine. Or, maybe I did?" I openly say as I walk the street. It didn't come to me that I didn't look up to see the red sign. Luckily there was no cars. I shouldn't make it a habit today: to be so unaware.

I make it to the plaza before I get... a bit confused. I've been here before, this plaza, yet I'm having such a hard time distinguishing the buildings. The buildings seem to loop when they're not in my vision, which is hard to explain. I know I shouldn't worry so much about my skipped medication since I've survived without it for the longest time, so why now am I being paranoid?

YOU are paranoid about Tsukki?
More like he should be paranoid of YOU.
No, no, no, don't talk. Sing. Sing. Sing.
Sing.

Sing.

I bit the insides of my cheeks as the voices are more than a whisper now. It hasn't even been over an hour or so. It's all okay. I can live right now. I just need... to go to..which building?

Why am I here again? Did I need- Oh! Tsukki!

"Yamaguchi!" Tsukki waves me down from a new shop in the plaza. How cool that he's here too.

"Tsukki, how coincidental that you're here too! I wanted to try this shop for a while now, yet I just couldn't find it for some reason." I reach out for his hand, and he interwines with mine. His little rose tattoo on his hand always looks so cute next my tattoo.

"Oh Yams, we're here on a date." He sweetly sighs with a forced smile. "It's okay, let me know if you get uncomfortable."

Does he know I skipped my medication? Am I that obvious? We're here on a date? Oh shit. Oh fuck. I'm already having delusions? This early?

"Tsukki, I'm going to be straight forward: I skipped my meds." I bluntly say while he was ordering. I feel embarrassed as the cashier eyes me. He was in the middle of talking and I interrupted him.

How fucking rude Yams!
This isn't always about you, you can't be baby'd over your illness.
Sing.
Sing.

"

It's okay Yams. What kind of bagel do you want, sweetheart?" Tsukki ' voice sounded like syrup, yet his words felt sticky in the air. His venomous smile melting into my mind. He isn't okay with me right now. I don't know why, but I know he wants to leave.

"Surprise me." I barely whisper back without taking my eyes off of his lips. They look gingerly and soft, yet I know I'll be stuck to them. I know I couldn't get myself out of this loop.

I turn away from him, but I find myself sitting at a table facing him. His autumn eyes burning a bonfire I'm mine. His smirk wobbles into a frown, "Are you okay? Want to go?"

I don't remember finishing my bagel. There's just leftover strawberry lemon cream cheese on my plate as Tsukki has a bite's worth left. I wipe my mouth to feel slight crumbs, but nothing drastic.

"Tsukki, thanks for caring." I say without thought. "I appreciate it, but I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry." I look out the window to see an unfamiliar plaza once again. It's like looking at someone who you once knew years and years ago, but I'm young.

Tsukki took my hand and rubbed tattoo with his thumb, "You're probably having some hallucinations or something. I haven't thoroughly finished that booklet you gave me about how to 'cope' with you. You're fine as it is. You're not destructive, Yams. You're just- I don't know.  I can't say much as I'm only your boyfriend.

You're the one with schizophrenia. Do you wanna attend another group? Or what? Tell me what you want."

His syrup tongue lurks around in his mouth, and I want to suck the sweetness out of him, but his words sound genuine. Maybe I am getting worse, but he's right. I am not destructive as before. I glance at my tattoo to see the small scar right behind the cute little dagger between my thumb and index finger. I accidently hurt myself when I thought bugs were under my skin. That was truly terrifying.

Right now, I think my illness is just trying to recognize and manipulate the situation. Am I in a delusion? Does it count if I'm aware? Being ill is difficult, so is handling an ill person. I'm thankful for Tsukki.

"Can we go to my place? Can you hold my hand?"

-=+=- 

Thank you so much for the constant love for these one-shots.
May is all for mental ill awareness.
Fuck shit up and grow better.

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